Hello and welcome to the forum @Curious-Girl hope you enjoy!
Hi and welcome @Curious-Girl I am sure you will get some responses to your questions. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. I am no way the best person to answer your question so will leave that to one of the lovely ladies here.
Thank you for your message and I agree that I’m putting alot of pressure on myself and that could be potentially taking away any enjoyment even though I love sex so always wonder(even when doing it) will it happen now/this time etc.
I thought about seeing a therapist for this but to be honest I don’t know whose legitimate, my Women Health physio has been redeployed to a ward during this pandemic so I don’t know if there’s a registered body that they have to abide by. During COVID I think getting any kind of appointment is difficult neigh on impossible.
I did explore last night whilst listening to a meditation piece, it did help to get me relaxed so maybe thats the way forward for now?!? 
Hi all thank you all so much for welcoming and giving me the freedom to ask my most embarrassing question. It means alot so thank you all 
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Hello @Curious-Girl! I don’t think that I can add anything to the wonderful responses that you have already received, but I just wanted to add another “welcome” to your thread!
Hi and welcome, although it must be frustrating not achieving that orgasm, the main thing is to know your own body. Have fun, be confident and it will come ( if you see what i mean).
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@Curious-Girl Ive recommended her before on here, sex with emily. She has a podcast on Spotify / Apple and quite often covers off orgasm issues as well as body / self image challenges.
Also, have you tried masturbating to porn and/or erotic stories. Porn can be either a turn on or turn off depending on your views, erotic stories may help (?)
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Hi all, I want to thank you all for your answers firstly, secondly I dont know where I went 
I have been busy trying out some of the advice given with no joy. So I’m back as its still bothering me somewhat, thought I’d say hi 
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Welcome back!!!
OK, what have you tried in the meantime?
I hope you’ve had some fun along the way.
I know reaching the big O seems to be the focus, but self pleasuration in itself can be extremely satisfying without it, so concentrating on what you enjoy should still be plenty fun?
If we know what you enjoy (penetration, clit stimulation, anal play, nipple play…), what you’ve tried, what you would like to try, we might be able to recommand things that you might enjoy more.
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@JustAnotherPervert Haha love your name btw!!
I have tried everything barr anal play as I spent so much time on my own during COVID etc - thats on both lists to try next!
I guess I just find it frustrating, I do worry too much and my OH seems to be ok as I clearly enjoy all sorts of play and penetration.
I work in healthcare so excuse my disappearing act 
it won’t happen again.
Oh just to add I have two toys at my home, a bullet vibe and the Lush 2. to be honest I seem to get more out of the bullet, the only time the lush really has an affect is when my OH takes control- handy during lockdown
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Hi Jo - somehow I seem to have missed your arrival on the forum first time around, so please accept a heartfelt welcome from me! 
I don’t think I’ve got anything startlingly original to offer by way of advice: nothing that hasn’t been very well covered by the mavens of the LH hive mind already - but reading through what you’ve told us, I hope you won’t mind if I play the amateur psychologist here…
IMHO the belittlement and insult you’ve had from previous partners may have planted a little demon in your subconscious: a pernicious voice that turns up when sexy stuff is in the offing and then sabotages it by whispering in your ear that nobody so unattractive and unworthy of love as you deserves anything so special as an orgasm… etc. Remember, this is a subconscious voice: I’m not suggesting that you’re actually THINKING this stuff in the moment.
And so it doesn’t happen… and that worries you… and the worry stops it happening… and it becomes this mythical goal - this thing that EVERYBODY ELSE apparently has no trouble with - and that makes you feel even smaller and more inadequate… which only serves to fulfil the prophecy of the little voice. The perfect vicious circle.
If my hunch is right and this thing has a deep psychological basis, you may want to seek out a therapist who specialises in sexual dysfunction problems. It’s the sort of thing that I can imagine might respond well to hypnotherapy.
Meanwhile, I’d like to suggest something a bit more practical and immediate (and a whole lot more fun! 
): edging and denial play. I’m sure you don’t need me to explain all the minutiae of what that entails. Basically, it will flip the dynamic of your sex life on its head and, in so doing, wrong-foot that little demon. You’ll no longer be “the girl who can’t come” - you’ll be the girl who’s not allowed to unless she’s given permission …a permission that may not be granted for a veeeery long time… Meanwhile, your partner’s job will be to keep you as horny and frustrated as possible, 24/7. Sound like a fun game? It is! 
Edging and denial breaks the vicious cycle by absolving you of responsibility - as an edging submissive you’ll no longer have ownership of your own orgasms, and have no self-imposed burden of responsibility for “achieving” them.
Worth a try, no? 
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@Curious-Girl I’m really glad to hear you don’t let it stop you and that you’re enjoying yourself along the way. 
What is your current bullet? Asking as they aren’t all equal. The Desire Bullet is almost a mini jack hammer , the Tracey Cox Supersex soft bullet is very soft and squishy with the vibration travelling deep, we’ve had some battery operated ones that could or couldn’t get my wife there…
I take it you take most pleasure from clit stimulation alongside PIV?
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Yes I have to agree, its more psychological- I already mentioned the horrific response from my GP thus making me feel even worse
In the moment so to speak I am enjoying it but lately during sex I actually start thinking about - will it be this time
This is not good news I will look up therapists in my area as well as trying denial…
Thanks for your great response!! Its much appreciated
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@JustAnotherPervert my current bullet is one I bought when I walked into a competitors shop I have seen them on here but does each one perform differently??
Re the Lush overall I’m disappointed but that may be pressure, as I said the only real enjoyment is when my OH resumes control
I will look at the bullets you suggested and may order one to try out, thanks 
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Hi @Curious-Girl, everyone has made really good suggestion. It took me a long time to find the right buttons for a reasonably guaranteed orgasm solo too, there are so many factors that can effect it. Even now i can have a day where i just cant cum because my head isnt in the right space, so your not alone.
I really struggled for a long time to cum with fingers and toys. Eventually realised i personally needed rumbly vibrators, so finding the right toy can make a huge amount of difference. Seconding @JustAnotherPervert’s recommendation of the desire bullet vibe, really nice one, strong, rumbly, worth the pennies.
Some people just need more specific stimulation than others.
Not coming is also alot of fun though, some types of sex (like edging) even focus on it so its not the be all and end all. If your having fun thats what matters in the end
Edit: just read above reply. Rechargeable bullets are so much stronger than battery powered. If you want something less expensive to begin with this is currently onsale (uk) and is nice and strong. Desire is so good though if you can afford it, so rumbly
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@Green_Eyed_Girl Hiys thanks very much for your reply.
Having looked at both, cost is quite a difference but having said that I have one from a competitor as said before so I may consider the
Unsure how to post a direct link I will ask my OH to have a look as due to my living with family, they tend to want to know what I’m getting sent! I wish I could change my living arrangements but due to surgeries I do need to live with someone, mum is my someone!
Just to add I looked up sexual therapists in my area, turns out they are offering CBT only and mainly childrens self help.
I found one lady who specialises in sex therapy but she lives miles away - in fact I’m not certain its in my area. She offers online help - anyone experience the online help these days?
@Green_Eyed_Girl Also good to know that I’m not the only one who experiences difficulties with orgasms and yes I agree some need more stimulation…
Interesting re edging and denial, I think we’re both so keen we’ve not yet tried that! Again will discuss and try with OH!!
Thanks so much
@Jo_curious Difficulty orgasming seems to be pretty common to be honest. It comes up on the forum so often. Many reviews ive read say theyd never had an orgasm till they tried X toy, so we’re in no way in a minority.
I know your pain, also live with family. If your near a post office you can get the parcel delivered there to collect. Alternatively, ordering knickers or lube as well is also a good go to. Gives you an answer to “what did you order?”.
Also if no ones mention orgasm balms, these are also fun. Bliss and ignite balms help me alot when i struggle and are good for sensitive skin.
(I also find butt plugs help too, but i know theyr not for everyone)
A friend of mine is doing phone therapy session at the moment, maybe that is an option for you if theres no one nearby
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