Greetings All,
I didn’t intend on writing such an extensive introduction, but for the first time I wanted to put everything on the table and see what feedback/comments I get. Thank You in advance if you read my intro!
I stumbled upon this forum as I was scrolling through toys for me and my wife. I’m a 34 year old heterosexual male that’s happily married for 8 years. As I have gotten older my sexual fantasies and desires have grown and consider myself to have a bit of a kinky side. My wife is not very adventurous and content with a vanilla sex life which I do support and hold zero resentment. During the pandemic times I have purchased some sex toys for the both of use to add in the bedroom to spice things up in the bedroom and have had some fun. Toys I have purchased for her were 2 variations of thrusting dildos…1) is a rabbit thrusting dildo that has clit stimulation for her solo play and 2) a realistic thrusting dildo with a suction cup which she can use solo but we also had fun night where we used it to simulate one of her desires of DP where we attached to the wall and she was in doggy style with the toy and watching her warm up and get into it then approached her where she then performed oral on me (great experience).
My toys I purchased for myself was a powered thrusting/rotating male masterbater which I have only used a couple of times (wasn’t exactly happy with the device and found out that I’m not into that type of toy. The other toy I purchased was a vibrating/rimming Prostate massager which I have really enjoyed and now wanting a thrusting anal dildo/prostate massager.
Wanting to continue to experiment and fulfill my kinks and desires I’m struggling with fulfilling them since my wife isn’t very sexually adventurous and in my opinion a little closed minded and hasn’t been able to understand sexual fantasies and desires are normal and natural.
My desires and fantasies:
The following desires and fantasies have been on my list for at least the past couple of years and would love to hear any and all feedback.
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Don’t get me wrong I can and love to be dominating in the bedroom and would/could be even more aggressive and dominating, but rarely think/watch porn when masterbating to being dominating or male in porn being dominating (just when I’m actually in the role)…what I fantasize is wanting to be dominated in every which way. From being tied down not able to move and be at the disposal of the dominating mistress…aggressive face sitting/riding, and most of all being pegged with a strap on. Not only do I fantasize from being pegged anally, but also orally and deep throating.
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Like I have said I’m very much heterosexual and 100% attracted to women and have zero attraction to men, but I have a huge desire to give a BJ. Lately I have used the thrusting dildo with the suction cup I bought for my wife stick it to a mirror and go to town. I get extremely turned on thinking of performing a deep throat BJ…I have enjoyed performing on her dildo to I now know I don’t have a gag reflex and love taking the whole thing in my mouth and feel the thrusting action in the back of my throat. I also like acting out aggressive BJs with smacking the dildo on my face/lips, licking the shaft and sucking on the balls. I finish with thought of either receiving a massive facial or a swallowing a massive cum in my mouth load. Not saying that my wife is bad at BJs or doesn’t like performing on me, but let’s just say that she doesn’t perform a BJ the way I do. Like I said and trying to as sincere as possible as I am by all mean not homophobic at all have zero attraction in men just wanting to suck and perform a BJ with a real penis and to actually see how much I would enjoy and to see how good I am at it. Side note…I also would love to perform a BJ with a strap on. As I said previously I finish with the thought of receiving a facial or swallowing cum in mouth deep throat, (I can get some satisfaction of performing a BJ with the dildo) but I now I crave the facial or cum in my mouth. I have looked at purchasing a ejaculating dildo (and did purchase one for my wife which we returned without having tried it bc we didn’t like it was operated with a syringe and wouldn’t didn’t think it would deliver the experience we wanted). I have found one that ejaculates by squeezing the tip which I am tempted to purchase, but still don’t think it will satisfy my fantasy of receiving the real thing. I am open minded and willing have a 3 way with my wife and another man to 1) have her experience a real DP and 2) to experience performing a BJ/facial/CIM. I have communicated with my wife being open to a 3 way, but will circle back after I discuss my final desire/fantasy.
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My final desire and fantasy is to be with transgender woman. I do want to point out that this is just not a fantasy or desire to fulfill… But I truly find transgender women extremely beautiful individuals in every way and who in my opinion has everything I find attractive. Don’t get me wrong I am attracted to women (all shapes and sizes from BBW to small and petite) I love eating out my wife (when I say I love eating out my wife I mean I love performing oral on her and perform in the same manner and effort that I described when I perform a BJ and use my tongue to lick everything from head to toe)… and I do indeed enjoy vaginal intercourse, but to be honest there’s nothing that turns me on thinking about a vagina only the enjoyment I get from performing oral and intercourse. But everything about a transgender female checks off every sexual and non-sexual attraction I have…when I watch porn 90% of the time it’s transgender porn and Watching a transgender female that has all the female curves I am attracted to (Breasts and Butt) but too also have a penis is what is the cherry on the top that I find so attractive! I want to experience everything from being dominated by a transgender female and to also be the one that’s dominating. I also just want to make love and cuddle and be romantic. I can understand that some people will question with me saying that I am happily married, but I truly am and would never not want to be with my wife and family. With that said I do want to say that if I was single that I would be seeking a relationship/dating with both females and transgender females.
To close out my novel of an introduction as I know I probably went over the top, but have finally reached a point of wanting to fully express everything in a safe community and just want to receive any and all feedback. I promise I won’t be offended, and comfortable and confident in my own skin and won’t take anything personally, so please share and give comments. So I am at the point of when I said I would circle back after revealing my last desire/fantasy of expressing to my wife that I am open to a 3 way. My wife know of my desire/fantasy/attraction for transgender women and being pegged (doesn’t know of if wanting to give a real BJ), but this is reason why I said that she is still close minded (still being the key word bc I believe that anyone is capable of changing and becoming open minded, but doesn’t yet understand how I can have those desires and fantasies and not be gay or attracted to men (not to say she doesn’t support the LBGT community bc she 100% does) but I have tried to reassure her that’s not accurate and have tried to communicate and educate that sexual desires/fantasies/gender/orientation doesn’t and isn’t a black and white thing, there aren’t rules or guidelines that say just because you have a certain desire or fantasy means that you are this or that which I find so beautiful. Yeah do other people have desires and fantasies that I don’t have any interest in…yup absolutely but who am I to judge what someone likes and doesn’t like and think of it the same way when you order a pizza with a group of people…some people like just cheese some like deluxe and there’s everything in between, so why can we accept that someone doesn’t like olives on a pizza and pass no judgment or put them in a certain category. I feel the same way about sexual desires. Yep I want and desire a huge hard penis in my mouth and throat and ending with a massive cum load on my face and then another one that ends with a massive load in my mouth with cum exploding out of my mouth while I swallow all the cum that is in the back of my. I do want to be pegged with a strap on, I do want to have a real penis giving me anal with experience both cuming inside and pulling out and cuming all over me, and I’ll go even further and say I would want and experience DP action and receive anal while performing oral. I have no desire or interest whatsoever if kissing a man, receiving oral from a man, performing anal with another man or have any attraction for any men (and when I say men, I’m referring to anyone who identifies themselves as a man) I consider transgender women as women regardless of their genitalia and have a attraction and get turned on with women who have a penis and can deliver cum loads (I’m getting turned on just writing about this).
Who knows, someday I might be able to try and experiment with my desires and fantasies and come to realize that I didn’t enjoy it like I had thought I would (doubtful since I have been enjoying all of my solo oral and anal play with the dildos, but it’s possible). Now I just want the real thing!! But just because I have these desires and fantasies does not mean I’m gay or prefer men bc if I was attracted to men/bi-curious/gay I would have no trouble admitting that and being true to myself and 100% comfortable and confident in the person who I am. I want to spend the rest of my life with my wife, but I want to explore and fulfill my sexual desires too. I have also contemplated doing porn to fulfill my adventurous fantasies, but that is highly unlikely and really not the way I want to fulfill my fantasies. In my perfect world I would love to experience all of my fantasies along side my wife with no judgment, mutual and purely as fulfilling both of our desires and not in anyway seeking other relationships outside of our marriage.
As a final twist and before anyone says that I should should be open up and discuss everything that I have disclosed above to my wife, she actually walked into the room and asked what I was doing to which I was honest and told her. She then read everything that I wrote by herself in the bedroom. When she finished reading she gave me my phone back and said finish what I started. She’s hasn’t said anything to me since and in the bedroom. I’ve been slowly opening up to her with my sexual fantasies and giving her time, but now she knows everything. Right now I think I will just give her space and not approach her and wait for her to come to me when she’s ready to talk about it.
-Brann
