Not comfortable with BJs

Sex Tips & Talk
1

So I've only ever given oral sex twice...yep twice my whole entire sexual active life! It's not something I'm overly keen on tbh purely because I'm embarrassed I'm possibly doing it wrong and will get judged on it.
I'm even starting think that it's hampering my dates with guys..,last year a guy I was dating asked for a BJ but I said no because I was embarrassed but I didn't feel comfortable with it because I wanted to take things slowly (that backfired as he 'walked away'. And a guy I went on a first date with few weeks ago expected a BJ on the first date, ok he went down on me (I didn't want him to), but I guess he wanted the favour returned. Even tried to cum on my face / body which made me extremely uncomfortable, and actually put me off him!! (I don't talk to him anymore).

It is something that I do want to do more often but with someone im in a r'ship with & can trust. So ladies (& gents) what tips do you have that would make me less embarrassed & enjoy the act??? Best technique?.....

2

When you find that person, simply ask him what he likes and how he likes it to be done

3

Firstly, you need to choose better men to date. It sounds like you are finding men that expect sex or at least sexual contact on a first date, and that doesn't sound like what your looking for. So if it's a dating site, look carefully at how you have worded your profil, or change sites.

NEVER feel pressured to do anything sexual with another person. Weather it be give or recieve, this is wrong! Be prepaired to say NO, and walk away. If it is something that the man wants on your first date, second date, it's probably not going to be a successful relationship.

Ok so lecture over. If you want to practice, there are a few things you can do. Do you have a good girl friend (mate) that would help coach you on your technique? The boyfriend of one of my friends asked me to teach her how to give a blowjob, as she had never done it and had not got a clue. (They had been in a relationship for 5 years at this point) So after a bottle or two of beer, I set about giving her a few pointers. We used the beer bottle as a prop. I don't want to be too explicit or get in trouble with the moderators. In reality you will develop your own technique in response to how the man feels and responds to what you do.

If you find the right man (and I'm sure you will) he will be more than happy to let you explore and practice your bj technique, when your settled in a relationship, not 2 weeks after meeting him. At the end of the day oral sex shouldn't be a deal breaker for mr right. I love to give but I hate to recieve oral and my OH of 12 years is more than happy. Set your own boundaries and don't be pushed past what your comfortable with.

4

If you don't want to do it, then don't! Tbh if I was you I'd be concentrating on finding a better date. Dare I ask, where did the find the others? 🙈

5

I can recommend a book and it is available from Lovehoney the last time I checked.

"Oral sex He'll Never Forget" by Sonia Borg

It's a brilliant book and shows a lot of techniques and ideas .It's a book I thoroughly recommend especially once you have got yourself a relationship .There are many pictures and diagrams on how to do things and ideas to surprise your man ,

As an added bonus it also contains in the appendix a sex survey that is useful much later when you have developed a relationship and want to explore things further.

However I have to say if a guy wants sex on a first date then give him a wide birth as clearly that's all he is looking for .My own rule is no sex before the third date as by that time you will know if this person is really worth seeing and developing something with.

Good luck

6

My partner doesn't like giving BJs, and that is OK for me. A decent bloke will understand and not want you to do something you don't like. If he expects you to and knows you don't like it, he is selfish and should be avoided.

That said, I also agree with Fun Louise, Couple looking to spice things up and mysteron. It sounds to me that you want someone who doesn't expect sexual contact on the first date, so you need to work on how you find your dates.

7

It sounds like the guys you have been out with don't understand relationships.
Anything sexual is a mutual thing.its how comfortable and confident you you feel.
If it's not the right time or place then you shouldn't feel pressure to do it.
If it's something you want to try with the right person then give it time.communication is always the best way to go.get him to tell you what he enjoys and have fun with it.its about the both of you

8

I wouldn't lose any sleep over this fella. BJ's are great, but sex is a mutual thing. If the other person doesn't want to do something then he should be understanding & accept this fact.

After all there are many different sexual activities a couple can do that BOTH people will enjoy. Don't waste your time with this loser and find someone better & more understanding. ![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif)

9

My OH doesn't feel comfortable giving BJ's either. She also feels that she won't do it right as she has hardly ever given them and that her inexperience will be obvious.
I've told her that as a bloke just the act of it being in her mouth is a turn on and frankly it's pretty hard to get wrong, but in the end if she doesn't feel comfortable then I'm happy to never have one again. It's one small part of sex and she has magic fingers :-)
If someone walks away because you won't do it then do not waste any of your energy worrying about it. It's their loss not yours.

10

You've been dating proper frogs. Good for you for not giving into them. Horrible pigs.

My tips: wait until you're with a MAN that has no problems with waiting until it's right. Sexual things should only happen when it feels right and not because you were honoured with being taken out on a date. *rolls eyes to the heavens*

Get to know what penis size you're good with. Factor in your gag reflex, over time mine has adapted and has become 'lazy' which helps massively with deep throating (turn on for me)
You may be better giving head with smaller willies than bigger ones.

Watch porn. For educational values. Choose blowjob category and watch the many possible ways that could work for you.

If you'd rather, buy a dildo to practise on. But of course with these there'll be no pre cum, or ejaculate to help you learn - but it'll help you get used to the action of giving head.

Pre - cum is brilliant to use to your advantage. I myself enjoy sloppy head, so mixed with lots of saliva, a little or a lot deep throat = great blowjob.

Giving head is supposed to be fun for both parties. It's NOT a job. If a guy expects it as your duty for agreeing to go on a date with him, leave asap.

11

I agree with Spidercouple. To me, enthusiasm is more important than technique so if you're in two minds about it, you shouldn't have to.

If you DO find someone you want to go down in, a good compromise is using your hand more and your mouth less. Like a wank, really, except maybe a little licking or sucking the head. You can then move your hand to exactly the length you're comfortable taking into your mouth.

12

Im sorry but these guys you are dating sound awful. First off, you should NEVER do anything you do NOT want to do. Hon, if you didn't want that guy in your pants he should not have been there. Seriously learn to say NO and stick by it.

Second, as far as lack of confidence actually giving a blow job when you are feeling good and ready with the right partner I think it is all about communication. But in general you are never going to go wrong licking up and down and around it all, using your hand to stroke the cock and then of course taking it in your mouth to suck a bit as you feel comfortable. You will also need to decide if you are comfortable having the man cum in your mouth or not. If you are undecided or prefer them not to, tell them up front so you are not left suprised.

13

As other people have said, DO NOT do anything sexual you are uncomfortable with. It never works out, even if you think it's not so bad at the time. However, since you have expressed an interest in giving BJs and it seems to be mainly a confidence thing, there are some things you can do. Firstly, make sure you only try it with someone you can trust and communicate effectively with. Secondly, make sure you are in control of the situation. Don't let him thrust into your mouth, don't let him grab the back of your head or anything. Take it at your own pace and make sure you can stop at any time. Listening to the noises my partner made really helped me the most since I could work out from that which parts were most sensitive etc. If he's quiet, you may have to ask verbally for feedback which gets easier the more you do it.

Other stuff includes using lube/flavoured lube (I could not stand guys cumming in my mouth until I used flavoured lube) and mastering breathing properly (this also helps with your gag reflex). As for feeling embarassed, I still struggle to make eye contact during a BJ, even when I was with my partner of two years. I liked him lying on his back and then I'd drape my hair over my face to hide myself so I felt less self-conscious. Thankfully he loved the feel of my hair on his body but you might have to try different things to find what works for you. Don't be afraid to stick to your boundaries-the guy is lucky to get anything from you, don't let him push you into more than you're comfortable with. I have made this mistake myself and it doesn't help anyone. Good luck!

14

Lots of great advice, but I especially like what SquirtyPanda has written, so +1 to that. And I strongly echo what everyone else said about changing dating methods and learning to stand by your "no"-s.

Having said that, as a person in her tenth year of marriage and very much enjoying giving oral to my husband, I was very surprised when upon buying this little book in the 3 for £10 offer just as a basket filler really http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=33067 I actually discovered it had things to teach me. It is very down to the point, easier to read than a graphic novel, simple few-step instructions and illustrated. Each page is a different technique from step 0 up to the final act, very comprehensible. I highly recommend it.

15

Do what you feel comfortable doing you should both have room for things you both don't like doing if your both not comfortable with that there's no point .x

16

Couple looking to spice things up wrote:

If you don't want to do it, then don't! Tbh if I was you I'd be concentrating on finding a better date. Dare I ask, where did the find the others?

I tried the whole dating website lark, and it's honestly not for me. So I vowed to try and find guys naturally. The guy I was seeing last year . . I was seeing for 5 months. I met him @ my old work place! That was going in the right direction, until he went and propositioned me for sex / BJ which I think made me bolt / frightened as we'd never discussed that side of things @ all. The other guy I went on a date with I met through a friend! First date, and he wanted a BJ / cum all over my face / body which repulsed me so much!

It's not that I don't want to do it, it's just the sheer fact of possibly being told I'm no good, and being judged! The amount of guys I hear who judge women based on them performing oral sex BEFORE they even commit to a proper relationship . .is mind boggling! Why should something like that so intimate determine whether or not the woman is worthy of a relationship? Sex to begin with (I assume, never had a proper relationship) isn't brilliant, but as you both growth and develop within the relationship sex gets better as you get to know the other persons body, their likes / dislikes. That is what I fear most (being judged), and am not prepared to be judged on that! :(![](upload://f8zGclFeQx35HwZLqJ7J1rFzQ0n.gif)

17

If a guy judged your worth that way he's an asshole and doesn't diserve you. Do you really want to build a relationship with a guy who thinks this way? There are guys who don't base everything on sex and on a woman's capacity and will to satisfy his needs, and yes you'll find one. Don't be afraid of being judged by people who are like that, they aren't worth any of your time and energy.

18

Oh gosh, thank you all for your tips, much appreciated. Lots of fab advice which I will definitely take on board.

One day I will find a MAN who will love and care for me and treat me with respect . .something I've never ever had. But one day . .. one day . .

19

mamz wrote:

If a guy judged your worth that way he's an asshole and doesn't diserve you. Do you really want to build a relationship with a guy who thinks this way? There are guys who don't base everything on sex and on a woman's capacity and will to satisfy his needs, and yes you'll find one. Don't be afraid of being judged by people who are like that, they aren't worth any of your time and energy.

HELL NO! Practically every guy I've dated all judge me because I say no to the BJ as I'm not comfortable with it. IF I was to get into a relationship with a guy, and I built up enough trust, then yes, I would do it. But it's trust for me which is the thing, and not basing a relationship (potentially) on how good I am in bed! ![](upload://f8zGclFeQx35HwZLqJ7J1rFzQ0n.gif)

20

I agree with all the advice about finding a man who will treat you right and you should definitely stick to only doing what you want to do sexually, but as you were after tips these would be mine ...

In my experience guys love enthusiasm (mine comes easily as I adore giving him head, he's always clean and it's now obvious when he's going to cum although he still likes to tell me)

Talk before about where he is allowed to cum or whether you would prefer it to just be foreplay before hopping on so you don't have to have the taste. (Some are vile and some are not so bad)

I love to do it on my knees and look up into their eyes! Eye contact is hot and you get to see how much they are really enjoying it!

Practice on your finger just so you can tell a little bit as to how it feels! If your mouth is already wet just slide a finger in slowly at first so you can imagine the different sensations and you can lick it from base to tip and then suck your finger harder, changing pace or keeping a steady pace!

My man loves me to lick him from base to tip and then swirl my tongue around the helmet, the most sensitive parts tend to be the frenulum and the bits either side. Sometimes the anticipation is hotter if you go really slowly, licking, kissing and nibbling as they love the sensation but can't wait for you to try to fit as much in as you can!

It makes a difference whether you go hands free and rely on you to keep sucking to keep it in your mouth while you're getting him hard or whether you use your hand to keep it steady and set your own pace but pretty much all is good! You can ask him where he likes it and where is most sensitive!

You can change it up by alternating between hot drinks and ice cold drinks as that feels amazing! I wouldn't recommend booze as that tends to sting!

Some guys love a gentle tug on their balls too, some guys love you to suck their balls or take a whole testicle in your mouth (some don't like it at all)

While you aren't confident at it then don't let them push your head or thrust at you, while your new to it then just remember that you're in charge and that you're the one giving the blowjob and they are lucky to receive it from you in the first place!

Never get bullied into doing something you hate xxx