Right, you're all fantastic at advice and I dont normally need to ask but this situation I've been changing my mind every few minutes it's driving me insane!!!
I've been sleeping with my fuck buddy for 2 years, and the sex is incredible, he's a nice guy and it works.
I dont want anything more from him but recently (we work together) my manager asked me if I was sleeping with him, even though I said no and since then she's took it upon herself to tell everybody at work... i hate bitching and gossip!!! anyway cut a long story short, he's found out denied it and we carried on as usual.
Until today my close friend at work, who is a mutual friend said he had told my friend not to mention me to his other friends as he was embarrassed he'd slept with me (2 years ago we did sleep together at a work do, people know about this but it never came to light that we carried on)
I don't want my personal life known same as him but I feel hurt that he said i was an embarrassment,
I've said i'm going round tonight as I'd arranged, but part of me thinks this should be the last time...
as great as the sex is i shouldnt be made out to be an embarrassment to him.... dont wana lose out on great sex but he's knocked my confidence big time, so i'm stuck!!
any advice would be much appreciated.... (however I totally get you have more important things going on and will not take offence if you ignore this thread)
It's difficult to say without really being there. The thing is, having a fuck buddy isn't always a socially acceptable thing. I don't see why it isn't, but that's the way things are. It may be that he's embarrassed about the fact that he has a fuck buddy, rather than the fact that it's you. I know if I had a fuck buddy, it's unlikely I'd be shouting out about it to everyone, no matter who it was. I wouldn't want people to know. As much as I find it a good thing, other people see it as deviant and sometimes wrong.
It sounds like you need to have a talk with him. Only then would I make a decision over that should happen.
Could it be that he's not actually embarassed you just about the situation in a general sense e.g. he's a bit shy or embarassed about people knowing that he has casual sex or sex with a colleage? Could it be simply that something got lost in translation? You're getting information 3rd hand so there's always room for things to get misinterpreted.
You could maybe ask the mutual friend to find out what in particular is embarassing him. Having said that however I'd probably be more inclined to ask him directly. Explain the situation, tell him he's hurt you and if he's sympathetic and honest about his reasons for saying it (or if he genuinely has no idea where that's come from) you've got a good chance of working things out. If however he gets defensive or shifty I'd tell him to sling his hook then get yourself a bigger, better bedfellow! In my opinion it takes quite a pathetic individual to continue sleeping with someone they're ashamed of. Not wanting to broadcast it is one thing but embarassment is quite another: you deserve respect damnit!
Whatever happens, don't let it knock your confidence my lovely
The minute that a lover involves a headache situation requiring more than one paragraph, it's time for an upgrade. Cut your losses and get a hottie outside of the work place. So much simpler.
Could it be that he's not actually embarassed you just about the situation in a general sense e.g. he's a bit shy or embarassed about people knowing that he has casual sex or sex with a colleage? Could it be simply that something got lost in translation? You're getting information 3rd hand so there's always room for things to get misinterpreted.
You could maybe ask the mutual friend to find out what in particular is embarassing him. Having said that however I'd probably be more inclined to ask him directly. Explain the situation, tell him he's hurt you and if he's sympathetic and honest about his reasons for saying it (or if he genuinely has no idea where that's come from) you've got a good chance of working things out. If however he gets defensive or shifty I'd tell him to sling his hook then get yourself a bigger, better bedfellow! In my opinion it takes quite a pathetic individual to continue sleeping with someone they're ashamed of. Not wanting to broadcast it is one thing but embarassment is quite another: you deserve respect damnit!
Whatever happens, don't let it knock your confidence my lovely External Media
xxKPxx
I really do agree with you KP! At first i thought confront him and make him feel bad just like he has done to you, but i think sitting down and being the bigger person by trying to sort it out is a much better idea. If it turns out what he has said is true then you can tell him you want nothing more to do with him. Your confidence should not be shaken your obviously a very desirable woman who deserves better! Go and get yourself a gorgeous man who will pamper to your every need!!
I think it's none of your bosses business who you fuck so why they asked in the first place is a bloody cheek. I think if the situation is effecting you emotionally then you should give serious consideration to knocking on the head but it maybe worth clarifying with him as to exactly what he meant.
I'm going round to see him tonight, I just refuse to be an embarrassment - i dont think its cos he's shy at all he's very much a charmer and granted i dont want my sex life broadcasting. My boss can defo kis my ass, I'm more angry about that than anything if i'm honest!! but losing the great convient sex I've got used to will be gutting!!
I will keep you updated, i hate having my confidence knocked by a guy i refuse to let it happen again but i have to have it out with him... i strongly doubt i'll get a straight answer!!
If someone said after two years of me allowing them access to my body that "I" was an embarrassment i'd absolutely fuck them right off GH. You are not an embarrassment. If I said that to my OH my feet wouldn't touch the floor girl. You can get another bloke, easy mate! That's my opinion anyway. Life's too short for putting up with shit like that. SG x
Bloody good on you girl, you encountered crap in your life, you took control of the situation and made a decision to resolve it to your satisfaction, brilliant mate! I'm a bit ruthless myself due to past shit in my life. We've only got 80 odd years in this place and we don't need any self centered pricks to upset the ride girl. I'm made up for you GH! Best wishes always. SG x
If someone said after two years of me allowing them access to my body that "I" was an embarrassment i'd absolutely fuck them right off GH. You are not an embarrassment. If I said that to my OH my feet wouldn't touch the floor girl. You can get another bloke, easy mate! That's my opinion anyway. Life's too short for putting up with shit like that. SG x
I agree with SG two years is a long time! I'm glad you sorted it out! Hope you find the man you deserve, someone that respects you! External Media x
GH the words Total Pr*k Spring to mind... i no kinda how you feel was put in a simalar posstion a few years back and it totally knocked my confidance and still have not regained it.. as i let and take things pvery personaly like that... But that being said im slowly coming round and i started by thinking positive as corny as it sounds, and trust me when i say this, He will be the embarrassed one when he relises your gorgoeus and he wants you as a partner and reliaes what a fool he's been ... x
Ya sound like a top girl and you will find someone who will adore you for you babe xx
Ah, lucky you getting some free points. Hope it helps but by the sounds of things it's not like you had any feelings for the guy anyway so just put it behind you. :)
I haven't read many of the other responses but I'd just remind you that what your manager is doing isn't very professional and I'm sure it breaches quite a few laws!
