We've been together for 7 years. Have a great relationship and we've had a few sex toys over the years. Only over the last few years have I been interested in clitoral play as before I found the area far too sensitive. He bought me s rampant rabbit and although we've used it before its difficult to use while we are having sex because if the shaft getting in the way and I've only wanted to use the ears. This sex toy has always been hidden so I can never use it alone, although I have found it and used it. I bought the micro magic wand last week and he hit the roof and smashed it up with a hammer alone with the rabbit because I told him I didnt want it hidden away from me. Now we have no sex toys and I'm really upset at what he did. Clitoral orgasm takes me a long time which both gets us frustrated which is why we used the rabbit every now and again and I really liked using a toy alone for my own sexual pleasure and alone time which made me want sex more often and increased my sex drive. Now my drive has plummeted again and I'm really pissed I cant even use a sex toy alone. His excuse is it makes him feel hes not good enough and thats not the reason at all it was just a toy to exhance sexual pleasure. Now I dont know what to do with myself and feel like I dont want sex again.
You need to communicate with him, because this sounds like a very hostile and untrusting relationship. The only person who can help you is yourself, you really need to talk this through with him.
All i can suggest is talking to him and try to put his mind at ease that you would rather have him than a toy. Have you suggested getting some toys for him? Either a stroker or fleshlight maybe? This might put him more at ease of toys for solo and use together.
personally i would say he has no right in smashing up a toy you bought regardless of how he felt about it. I would imagine if he has a ps4 (other consoles are available) and you smashed it up with a hammer because you didn't like him playing on it he would go through the roof?
I've tried communicating all this week and to no avail. Hes not interested in sex toys himself and doesnt seems interested in porn or playing with himself solo. We've never had any other problems and honestly dont know why he bought me a rabbit in the first place if he didnt want me using it.
Why don't you ask him why he bought it?
I was gonna say that. If he doesn't like you playing with toys, why buy you one in the first place...Xx
A relationship where someone goes around smashing the other's possessions is a big problem I'm afraid. I'd make him explain himself and not back down. It's no different from smashing up his computer because it has porn in it. If he feels he's entitled to behave like this you've got big problems.
I have asked him and its always been "I bought it for us" but after use he puts it in a very high cupboard where I cant reach because I'm so short. He caught me using it alone once and moves it higher to guarantee I could never reach unless I got a ladder
He seems very controlling...were you aware hes like that?? xx
I would def be asking for an explanation and having a serious think about what you want from a relationship. Imo there should be nothing that can only be used when he says its alright (unless its all part of the dom/sub role of course!)
An apology is required - followed by replacement of the 2 Toys destroyed. No buts.
His action was totally uncalled for and unreasonable. Childish.
Ask yourself - do you want more of this...?
This sounds like a totally childish relationship, and if it was me I wouldn't be putting up with it. I would leave.
you need to ask your partner why he doesn't like sex toys i can think of one reason "Ego" there are men that view toys as a man replacement and they can feel like they aren't good enough if you're using them solo also your partner is controlling not only by smashing up your toys but hiding them out of reach and this is a slippery slope if he's smashing up a vibrator cos he doesn't like you using it he might smash up your phone because he doesn't want you communicating with friends or restricting what you can do, being with him isn't worth it
If I was you, I wouldn't be sticking around. Myghost has a very valid point what if he doesnt like you talking to others is he going to take your phone off you all day or smash it. What if he decides he doesnt like the way you dress or do your make up. It is a very slippery slope to be on.
I am aware you haven't suggeated he is violent in anyway, but if he is going to smash toys with a hammer because he is upset then you have to consider your own safety aswell. I would be telling him his actions are unacceptable and I wanted the toys replaced. Then I'd be packing my bags but thats just me.
No I was not aware he was was like this. As I've said we've been together for nearly 8 years and he has never been controlling, violent ect ect its just this issue that arised from nowhere. I dont know why he doesnt like them I've asked and I get the same "you dont need toys, or am I not good enough" it was only on the last few years we've used sex toys because we've been together since we were 15 so were underage. It takes me soo long to orgasm with fingers or oral I prefer a vibrator to speed things up and they feel better than using fingers but in now way have I used them all the time or replaced him for a toy. Its a very confusing situation and I've thought of buying more abd hiding them but he will find them or hear the postman knock so that would be another waste of money. He wont replace them and his friends agree with his explanation to the situation. I'm not a jealous person he can watch porn, wank or buy himself sex toys all he wants and I dont mind. I dont even remember the last time he masturbated alone.
the toy wasnt expensive but it was something I really wanted to buy for a while I just refused to let hom put it away with the others so I cant reach or use them and shit hit the fan.
I have been in the same situation my self. When I first met my partner almost 7 years ago i had loads of rabbits all differant kinds and some other bits and bobs all were used on me alone never with someone else and some were even new in the packaging. He smashed every single one up a month or so into out relashionship. I was devostated I asked him why he did it and he said "am I not good enough for you". Now we have been togeather so long I realise now he was really insecure but doesnt excuse the behaviour. Firstly I would sit down with him and see were his insecurities lye. With my otherhalf it was the fact that an x had cheated so he was very untrusting and thought if i wanted to pleasure myself then maybee i wanted it off other guys aswell. We worked through that. Maybee if you talk to him like others have said you can work to the bottom of why he has these feelings.
After all that had happened i never mentioned anything about sex toys for another year or so and I spoke to him and he let me buy a bullet then a couple of months on we bought a mould a willy kit. He really liked the idea of that because at least when I was pleasuring myself I was doing it with him so to speak. However at the time he still wouldnt entertain any other kind of sex toy. More recently i would say about 12 months ago his sex drive took a real dive as I became ill and he had to become my carer (thats another story but it really effects him emotionally) anyway one day I was in another sex toy shop and saw a vibe very similar to the charlie tango 50 shades vibe you can buy on hear and took me 20 mins to talk him into letting me buy it but i got it then 3 weeks later I got a new rabbit and he is totally fine with it all now we talk openly and hes even bought himself a flesh light :- )
So really by talking about things you can really work your way through it sounds like he is a little insecure :-)
Hope that helps.
Sorry to be blunt but this is incredibly childish. You're coming here and talking to us about it, he's gossiping to his friends about it. Why can't you both just talk to each other and sort it out? No body on this forum knows your boyfriend and knows why he's acting this way. You are the only person that can find out and you are the only person that can talk to him and try and come to a mutual conclusion. There's no need to tell us how you feel about it, when really you should be telling him.
You really need to talk to him. Good luck :)
We have talked over and over again for the past week since he did it and nothing has come of it at all. He doesn't care what hes done and think he's done the right thing so I've just given up. I totally dont mind him asking his friends opinions I was there when we discussed it and we are very open about this sort od stuff but clearly he has a problem with toys that I have no idea how to make him see they aren't a replacement.
All you can do is tell him and explain. If he can't see it and can't get over his issues you're going to have to respect that he doesn't want sex toys as a part of your sex life, and ultimately deal with it how you feel is appropriate.
I suppose thats the only thing I can do mrsmc.