I do try and dress up with matching bra and knickers but my bloke doesn’t seem that interested in me also have to ask for sex which is a bit boring just want him to show me he is interested but I guess he doesn’t fancy me anymore. So I just wear the sexy underwear just to please myself and make me feel a bit better about myself. Is there anything I can do to get him interested or shall I just stop trying?
@Yesjo you need to have a talk with him and discuss it. Just giving up will do neither of you any good.
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Hello and welcome @Yesjo 
@WillC is right, there are lots of reasons people’s libidos can rise and fall (stress, medication, tiredness, etc) and the best way to get some clarity is to have an open and honest chat about it. 
Generally somewhere away from the bedroom, and when both of you have the time and space to give it the attention it deserves works best. And if you think you need more specific advice you can start a new topic and ask anything you like in there.
I hope you can get to the bottom of it. 
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Just think he would rather wank over other women online and I don’t do it for him anymore like he doesn’t fancy me anymore even if I send him naughty messages I get ignored and was thinking about getting him a stroker (sex toy) he will probably use it all the time. Maybe I should just leave him with to it, I have tryed and get no where so think that’s the only solution
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Maybe you should concentrate on you for awhile? If you’ve tried talking to him about it and it hasn’t got you anywhere yet, then let him mull it over rather than pressing the issue.
You don’t need a partner to have fun with sex toys.
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That’s true I should back off and stop asking for attention and leave him to it.
I obviously don’t know the ins and outs of your particular circumstances, but generally if one partner is asking for something that the other partner can’t or isn’t able to give then repeatedly asking is unlikely to change that.
The best course is usually an open and honest chat about it somewhere neutral and blame free. However, if that’s not possible for any reason then I’d say if you’ve got urges then you’re going to have to sort yourself out.
Hopefully a bit of space can give you a better perspective on how to get him to open up to you.
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Yes will give him some space and hope it doesn’t back fire and get nothing back at all because I’ve backed off to much
I think he is stressed at the moment and he is finding wanking over other women online easier and more fun.
There are some good tips in this topic if you’re still finding it hard to have a chat with him about it?
Unfortunately I have and he says he can’t help it, he gets carried away with it. I suppose it’s a bit of excitement for him if he is bored of me we have been together for 21 years
Maybe he has a addiction to it
I’m afraid we’re veering a bit off-topic , but if you want some advice or tips from people who have been in similar situations you could start a new topic of your own?
(Actually, I’ll ask Brenna to slide the existing messages and replies over into a new one. It’ll save you typing it all out again )
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@Yesjo And it has appeared! (thank you Brenna )
I think the good thing is that you spoke to him, and he took part in that conversation. That’s actually really encouraging.
Could you arrange a regular evening or two a week where you concentrate on each other, rather than yourselves? Maybe even make one a date night if schedules allow?
A game can also help. We’ve got the LH Fantastic Foreplay board game, and that’s great for a really long build up, with lots of touching, etc. It can be a really good way of regaining a bit of lost intimacy.
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@Yesjo hmm difficult predicament
Have u tried the simple things
Shoulder rubs, just holding hands either walking or just sat watching TV putting a hand on his leg. Then next step sending him the odd text, look what I’m wearing type picture texts, what would his reaction be if he was to see you playing with your self. You say he likes porn have you tried putting on a show for him mutual masturbaition session … I don’t know the answer if Mrs C-O sits and rubs my leg for instance I get turned in and can’t wait for bed. I’m sorry I can’t be of specific help but just wanted to add my two pence worth of suggestions
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@Yesjo @Willc agree with most of the advice given by the other members of the forum, nothing wrong with you wearing sexy underwear though to make yourself feel good and if it helps your esteem then more power to your elbow so to speak!
Speaking for myself and from my own experience sometimes I go if sex for a while but I would not turn my nose up at it if my mrs offered it me we all have needs and they do not always sync with your partner at time ! like the guys and gals have said first thing is to talk to him and see where it leads give him time as you said and yourself some time and then see where it ends up hope you get it sorted hun ! 
good luck keep us posted
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He says he is a bit stressed at the moment and finding wanking over other women online easier, I suppose it makes sense he doesn’t have put effort with me, all he has to do is pick up his phone which is easy. So I’m going to back off for a while and give him some space.
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I get the stressed bit and there’s no better stress relief than good sex but not sure where the puliing himself off , over someone else on line would be better than getting down and dirty with you . Give him space and take time out for you do what you want even though it must be frustrating for you what else can you do , keep talking to him and see what happens sorry hun I hope you get it resolved one way or the other
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Justthe2ofus2007 you are so right, Relationship with my wife is very muc the same. Work has been the big devide for many years.
I agree @steve19 if it’s not kids it’s work and if it’s not work it’s kids mate always something there in the back ground . My OH went off it for years just a case of working it out and key to talk and talk some more and see what comes out of it .
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