I'm pretty new to this all and needing some advice as i don't really know where else to turn too!
To cut a long story short i'm having trouble with duration during penetration (sounds like a saying!).
I've been seeing my partner for 6 or 7 months now and i've never really seen it as a big problem but all of a sudden it's beginning to really bother me/ upset me and i don't necessarily think it should being 22!
I just seem to be getting worse and worse with sex lasting maybe only a couple of minutes!
Luckily i'm not what i class as the typical male (or i guess thats towards most of my mates who don't bother with foreplay). I always put my ladie first and always have done, in my perspective screw my orgasm! I know ill orgasm regardless but i dont care about me! I want my ladie to orgasm! Being a trumpet player i feel my skills orally are pretty good but i'm just a bit of a let down when it comes to duration!
I don't know why i just get two excited! I blame it on two things, i was circumcised when i was younger so i think this makes me more sensative and also...i have a bad habbit of masterbation! I just can't stop! Its quite embarrasing! always before i got to bed and some times in the morning if i wake up excited!
I feel like i need to grow up in terms of this almost obsession with masterbation... i always though it helped in the long run but it just seems to be pushing my confidense down.
My girlfriend says it's not a problem and just states that its really un-attractive to apologise if i've not done as well as i had liked to but to be honest that just makes me feel worse as all i want to do is please her.
This really beginning to make me feel quite low and nervous about sex which is really bad because i totally enjoy it! Urgh!
I will be purchasing some of the delay lube but again the though of applying that everytime i have sex is again another confidence killer.
Any suggestions or advice would go a long long way.
I reckon you should introduce that then tbh. Why not ask her to masturbate in front of you and then you can masturbate as you watch her. Then shoot your load over her or in a tissue whichever you prefer and then your set for the full sex. Just make sure you reassure how sexy it is to watch her.
Having a wank twice a day also isn't a problem unless it is getting in the way of other things in your life. I'd say it's pretty normal actually, and in no way excessive.
As has been said, masturbation before you have sex can increase the duration towards your next orgasm. Also, there isn't really any reason why you couldn't start having sex, orgasm, have a quick condom change (making sure you don't let any semen escape) and then just carry on.
I suppose that if you are willing, you could invest in a fleshlight or other similar product and practice with it? By practice, I mean try and increase the time you use it for over time.
I would also try and bring yur girlfriend around to the idea of foreplay, or indeed just any sexual act that doesn't require PiV.
Not being a bloke, I cannot specifically help you but the one thing I would say is -
You're focussing so much now on NOT being able to last, that your almost subconsciously waiting to fail. And when you do, you beat yourself up about it a bit more.
Relax and take it bit by bit; relaxing might make things easier and you won't be foccussing so much on the end result
From what I've heard, circumsized men are less sensitive to those that aren't, so you can stop blaming your circumcision.
Is your girlfriend the same age as you? If so, I can understand that she isn't into foreplay - I wasn't at that age. You could always start by having a bath together with candles, music and incense just to relax each other and then little by little (ie: not on the same night) work on your foreplay techniques to see what your girlfriend likes. I'm no expert on advising men as to how to hold back their climax, I'll leave that to someone else, but I'd practise at getting your girlfriend to appreciate foreplay as she really doesn't know what she's missing out on!
It's also entirely possible to increase your duration with your hand, but replicating the sensations of penetration help.
I also agree with LittleKitty's post. Don't think you need to apologise for it happening. It happens, she knows it happens. Just relax and, by all means work on it, but don't let it get in the way of just enjoying youselves.
I dunno if the 'delay' gel/lube will help, I tried it once and it just put my fella to sleep lol (no i did not use too much, was the durex performa condoms). The best solution I can give you is make it more of a romantic evening than a 'screw', if you end up having sex 2-3 times over a few of hours of love making you will find that each time you will be able to last longer. If you finish earlier than her, find a way of finishing her off: caressing / oral / fingers / vibe / etc. You never know you might be ready for 'round two' before she has had enough .
Having personally spend a whole day in bed before with my other half, we built up to over an hour (possibly too long, we were both worn out for a few days after). The challenge is to keep turning each other on, unless she is very lucky make sure you have a spare bottle of lube handy (I would personally recommend "liquid silk").
Oh yeah... I should have started by saying: Time is not the biggest problem in my opinion, its what you do with it! But under 2 minutes may indicate an underlying problem, if it is really worrying you - talk to your doctor.
Oooh don't like the delay lube stuff. Had some condoms with it in once and I couldn't feel the little fella (i use the term "little" lightely). Resulted in sessions of sex with me desperately trying to cum and her getting tired of trying to make me cum.
Do you masturbate using any lubrication? I believe one technique is to practice "dry" and attempt to last up to 15 minutes (build it up gradually). Then use lube and try to do the same thing.
I can understand the sensitivity issue as I experience similar problems due to my chronic pelvic pain. I'm single but I find I last no time at all with a masturbator toy in comparison to my hand.
Have a look on this site for the link someone posted to the Fleshlight stamina training PDF document as that contains some useful techniques.
As a girl I can't really add too much to this, but am definitely in agreement about those god awful performa condoms, my ex bought them once thinking it would make sex last ages, all it did was kill his hard on and make for a totally frustrating evening so I'd say avoid any delay type products...
As has been said, patience is the key, I imagine the pressure you're currently putting on yourself is making things much worse, a self-fulfilling prophecy and all that... Maybe take some time with each other where PiV is completely off the menu and just explore each others bodies, bathe together, massage, stroking etc, anything bar the actual act. Have done this before and found it really successful.
I guess the key to it all is good communication, talk to her and tell her your worries, talking and being honest has to be a good way to go.
Am sure the clever guys on here will have some great tips for you, in addition to those already mentioned.
As a girl I can't really add too much to this, but am definitely in agreement about those god awful performa condoms, my ex bought them once thinking it would make sex last ages, all it did was kill his hard on and make for a totally frustrating evening so I'd say avoid any delay type products...
First time I bought condoms... they were the performa... put me to sleep, talk about an embarrassing first time! But I am sure that's another thread lol.
My partner has difficulty with penetration and sometimes gets on a downer not feeling like a 'normal woman', so I understand how difficult it can be to feel lacking. Please just try to remember that sex is an experience not an act, it's much more than putting it in and out!
My stamina varies quite a lot, the times I do cum quickly, with the right attitude from me, my partner finds it really sex knowing she feels that good! Confidence is sexy so please try to believe her when she tells you so! Look at it how my partner does and maybe yours does.
Perhaps you will have good luck with the spray but remember it's not a solution only a mask, I found the Performa flopped for me (literally) but they may work for you. I also think being cut is unlikely to make you more sensitive and I wouldn't really factor this into your attempts to recify things.
Specific solutions can really depend on the person, I find doggy or from behind make me cum quicker. Have you tried her on top for example?
I hope things improve and we see you stick around! Good luck.
Being a trumpet player i feel my skills orally are pretty good
LOL
Try not to scare off the new member by laughing at them! (Tho, I was thinking the same thing... trumpet player = blow... women = ... ok... that's enough teasing External Media)
Ha no i kid you not! I love oral sex! Its exactly as it is! Have you ever experienced tripple tounging from an oral side?! My problem is that my girl friend, although she enjoys my "trumpeting" techniques some times she just grabs me and pretty much yearns for me inside her. By this time i'm so excited that it's bearly worth me being side her! Especially when i'm on top! It's like gravity is against me!
I don't know. It is worrying. and i try and say its not but having seen what folk have put i guess it fears me more as performa condoms have just about no effect on me! Hmmm.
I know the lubricant will be no resolution, i wish i didn't even have to go to the extent to purse an "aid" for the problem. I'm almost sure i'm also making more of a mountain out of it then she thinks. I guess its that pathetic... Urghh i am man, let me provide, here me roar, i will provide you with multipul orgasms, etc... I feel like i'm slipping down a slope as i've always been worried about size!
However i've never ever let it effect me as personally judging on what past partners have said about other fellers some guys simply don't know how to work it!
I think the main issue is i feel like it's getting worse. Time is getting shorter and all in all i'm feeling more and more like a disappointment. * please all get your miniture violins out *
It will be something to work on i know, as it wont change over night.
Oh and also in terms of masterbation... Heres an embarrasing one... From a young age i've always used my bed sheets :S (oh how seedy this makes me sound!) Using my hand never felt right... too rough etc so i always pretty much dry humped my bed sheets, and still do :S! How embarrasing... Although at times i do masterbate using my hand it doesn't really differ the duration?
Thanks for all your comments again, its very kind of you all!
