I havent been around much recently as work has been pretty busy.
As many of you may remember i have been struggling alot and unfortunately i havent made any progress.
Work has been giving me so much stress abd things arent looking great.
I got close to someone who suddenly stopped talking to me for no reason, a so called friend had money worries and has borrowed alot from me and regularly lets me down.
Its my birthday on wednesday and i have just started 7 days off work.
I am so tired and lost, not sure what to do
@zombifiedguy sorry to hear what you are going through, all I can say is stay strong and take one step at a time.
I am sure that you will find support in this forum.
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I remember your story. Are you still in the same job? Has that supposed friend still not paid you back?
We are here for you if you need support or advice. Happy birthday for Wednesday.
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@zombifiedguy I am afraid I don’t know much of your story but last year I hit rock bottom at work. To the point that it was effecting my home life and I felt very disconnected from my friends all of a sudden. We had some family/friends and animals pass which is always difficult to deal with. Things just got too much.
I was in a very lucky position to make a change (I appreciate not everyone can). I quit my job. I had had enough and decided to put myself first for once, rather than everyone else. Although I miss my old work family, I am much happier and that change had an impact on a lot of other things. It was like the domino effect.
One of the things I learnt last year is I have every right to say No. Your friend is either using you or feeling very guilty about not being able to pay you back. However, next time they want something from you, the answer is No. It’s time to be selfish and kind to yourself. Everything may feel like an effort, but once you start it becomes easier.
Think about the small changes you can make. Try and plan something nice for your Birthday. Maybe visit somewhere that brings back good memories, take yourself off to the cinema, go to a bakery and buy yourself a treat, anything that makes you smile.
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Yep same job and still no money back.
He was ill and missed a week of work so his bills piled up. I lent him a reasonable amount of money from my dads inheritance and even offered ÂŁ20 a week repayment plan which would take about a year but he never made many payments and has borrowed more.
One of todays jobs is working out how much people owe me 
Im glad to hear that you managed to make those positive changes and are doing much better.
Saying no has never come easy to me and im usually the one feeling guilty. The same goes for making changes, i cant be sure that the change will be good and im scared things will get worse.
I know what to expect in my.job but managers are making things difficult.
Im on a 40 hour a week contract but my shifts are based on a rota which i have no say in. Was given 2 shifts a few weeks ago that left me 26 hours down and managers keep sending me home early so i cant catch up. Im just stressed.
Part of me is hoping they make my job redundant
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I hope that you are able to do the same. I know it won’t be easy but I got to the stage where I had no choice if I wanted to be in control again.
I was also a Yes person. I wanted to do anything to help anyone if I could. I used to feel bad saying No but once I put myself first and thought about what saying yes would mean to me my decisions became easier. I still say yes but less frequently 
If anyone else asks for money from you, tell them you wish you coukd but you can’t anymore. You have tied it up in a fixed ISA 
I am sorry to hear your company/managers are messing you around. I don’t know how long you have been there, if the redundancy is worth the strain on your mental health, but you have no reason not to update your CV just incase you are made redundant. That way you are ready and in control. You also have nothing stopping from job window shopping, start looking to see what else is around or what you might like to do next. It might be that you find something that pays more and offsets what you would have received in redundancy.
Either way, take care of yourself for a change 
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Been there about 17+ years.
I do window shop but alot of jobs pay less and there isnt that many in my area to begin with.
Friend is booking a table for thursday, 20oz birthday steak lol.
Have this week off as i have to use my holidays up but so far ive done little with the first 2 days
The first thing is @zombifiedguy never lend anyone any more money. You need to look after yourself now. It was/is lovely that you helped someone but it sounds like they have just taken advantage of you. Unable to offer more advise but best of luck.
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You know deep down you’re never getting that money back don’t you? There’s no excuse for not paying you back, even at a small sum per week.
You seriously need to start saying no to people, wether it’s “friends” asking for loans or your bosses.
You have been in your job many years and yet they treat you like crap.
You really need to get out and get another job.
I am not just saying that, i have had to do the same.
I learned to say no to stuff i didn’t want to do, it was difficult at first, and the recipients of the “no” were initially shocked, but they soon get used to the fact you’re no longer a pushover.
Having been made redundant at 52 i had to find another job, and i got one totally different to my previous one, but it CAN be done.
Only YOU can make the changes needed to improve your life and mental health. It won’t be easy, but you CAN do it.
There’s plenty of us here to offer you our experience and support.
You’ve been stuck in this rut for years now, it’s time to get out, think of yourself not others.
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I am new here and didn’t know anything of you or your story, but it has struck a chord with me.
It is difficult to offer any specific advice, but I have to reiterate what others have said about stopping lending people money. It sounds very much like you aren’t going to be repaid what you have already loaned (or at least not all of it), so it may be a case of accepting that, rather than pursuing it and becoming more and more frustrated by it. If they really aren’t going to pay it back, draw a line under it and move on to the better people and the better times you deserve.
Don’t feel bad about being taken in by timewasters; we have all fallen for it in the past. It is not your failure; it is theirs.
People like that will never be happy, but kind-hearted and genuine people usually are, in the end. In my experience, happiness (or at least feeling content) is achieved by learning to surround yourself with good, kind and inspiring people (there are plenty of them about) - and rejecting those who really don’t deserve your attention.
As for your career - make the change. You are better than the job and your boss.
Stop trying to please people who will never appreciate it. The time has come for you to put yourself and your own happiness first.
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100% agree 
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Sounds like to start with you could do with a big cuddle and having an evening of being looked after with a nice dinner, bubbly bath with scented candles and then a good movie.
This friend who’s borrowed all the money and not given anything back, is there any way you can negotiate a return on it with them?
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Have been trying but hes struggling to catch up on his bills etc. he said he will pay me something this thursday but im not getting my hopes up.
I appreciate all the kind words and advice i just wish i was stronger
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Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You’re clearly quite aware of all that’s going on, I think your friendship with the money borrower needs to be reviewed and you need to start saying no, as you don’t have the finances…
Do you have any hobbies or interests?
Really feel you need some downtime, doing something that’s just for you.
Think this community is very supportive so should always be someone here to help
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Hoping to get back into playing video games this evening. Things arent progressing very well at the moment and im always tired.
Im working on everything i can at the moment
How long has he owed you the money? 2 or 3 years now? If he only gave you a fiver a week it would be something. Don’t fall for his excuses. I know you are a nice guy who doesn’t like to say no, but sometimes people take advantage of people like you.
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Less then a year. I just dont like to see people struggling
I know most people wont help me if i was in their situation but i dont know what else to do
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That is admirable, but sometimes you need to put your own welfare first. True friends would appreciate that.
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