Aww HH, sending you a virtual hug hon X
I’m actually starting to hate........ I never thought I would see the day where I hate the father of my kids........ never......
I thought he would always have my heart but I’m actually starting to hate and resent........
To make out he wanted a family life with me and what’s best for the kids to then find out he’s actually kicking us out the house, well tell me how that works, he’s kicking his kids out into god knows where and he thought what exactly that I would play helping family’s while he had his cake and eat it!!!!!!!!! And what maybe in the future I move back in or maybe we stay living in separate places forever?!?!? I don’t get it but what I do get is when I am out of this house, I am out of it, done move on with my life.
I hope the house haunts him with memories of what was and what could of been............. My son took his first steps in this house, said his first words, both boys were conceived in this house, I also went into labour with both of them here, so many more memories and I know he will regret that he’s kicked them out when he is pottering around in his own he will regret it and I hope every inch of the place haunts him......... just like I have no doubt a call will be haunting him................ his decisions of late are seriously questionable unfortunately it’s me and the boys that pay the price
He’s managed to convince himself it won’t be a hostel me and the boys end up in it will be rented accommodation, that’s bollocks, I have researched for hours and have it in black and white........ what did he do google property prices, do they allow pets do they, do they allow housing benefit because I think he would find the ones that allow it are expensive and they won’t let me put money towards it despite him thinking they will. Does he have that in writing does he????? Also he will help me short term what happens long term then how do I afford the difference then?????? Because I get work i don’t have anyone to look after kids round here unless he thinks I work weekends and evenings so he can have them meaning when they eventually go to school I would never see them!!!!!!
His plan benefits him massively, doesn’t benefit me or his kids, not at all ............. he literally gets everything he wants and I struggle, no way, I want to return to a place where the people go out of the way because they genuinely care not put their own selfish needs first.
I will end up in a hostel here he is too dumb to see it or even research properly or even think long term.........
If he wanted the family life he made me believe would he really be kicking us out??????? Surely he would leave us in here, try and make it work and if it didn’t then work with us to find an alternative.
But it’s ok he will support me as a mother, yeah because I don’t need any support as an individual, my family are miles away and he expects me to live in a dump, live isolated away from my family and hands my kids over all the time, is he for fucking real...................
His insulting offer of help has closed the door on me wanting to be with him and I want to go where people have mine and my boys best interest at heart...........
He can’t even be arsed to make sure his son is transported safely, that will be and my Dad having to put our hands in our pocket and struggle and go without to make sure a solution is reached. Why he thinks my sons grandad should be doing that as opposed to my sons dad is beyond me!!!!!!!
Like I said I am starting to hate and resent massively and there will be no coming back from that................
Oh Luby that sounds terrible hon! So you’re not staying in your home? Are you and the kids safe?
Luby- Have you been given any legal advice over this predicament ? From on onlookers point of view going off what you have posted it doesnt sit easy with me nor IMO a court . A court will normally try and keep the core of the family together in the existing family home.
If legal costs are going to be a problem then I think a visit to your local Citizens Advice Bureau will be a must . You will be able to get free legal advice from a qualified solicitor.
Good luck and I hope you can sort this out
Lubylou13, I'm so sorry you've been put in such a terrible situation. I'd be thinking exactly the same as you; how could a father put his children through that? He sounds like he is being very naive thinking you'll be put in suitable accomodation just like that, no stress no hassle, if it's that simple maybe he should try moving out and let you and the kids live in the house eh? I hope you can get something sorted quickly for you and you childrens sake *hugs*
Hi thank you all for taking the time to post back to my comments it means a lot.
Currently I am in the house on my own with the children and he is living at a family members house, this was ordered by the court. This is in place until August by which time I have to rehouse myself now come August if I haven’t he can move back in and will have to issue me notice, if I still don’t go he will have to go to court to remove me now obviously I have two very young kids and that is not going to be practical or fair on them which is why everyone agrees there needs to be a solution by that date. It’s his house even though to me it is our family home which he never has and still doesn’t see!
The council down here won’t put me on the register I have no idea why and am currently working with organisations on that. They have also told me that they will only give me a set amount housing benefit and I am only allowed to put £25 towards, now properties around here that will accept housing benefit are a lot more that that not to mention need a guarantor and money up front which I have neither.
I have been told the help they will give me is a hostel and that may not even be in the local area. As you can imagine this will be very detrimental to mine and my sons health.
On reaching out to their father he led me to believe he wanted to work things out with me and wouldn’t let me and the boys fall. I then receive a letter yesterday saying he has made his own enquiries and I can put money towards rented accommodation and he will do this short term. Now this isn’t the case, he has obviously just googled it and not dig deep enough like I have, he is very naive to think I will end up in nice accommodation I won’t and having spent hours researching this I know that for a fact it will be a hostel.
Now the decent thing would be to give me permission to go back to my hometown, which he is not doing so therefor I will have to ask a judge in a couple of weeks to decide that, which i have been warned they may not because of my kids ages but that will again just see us in a hostel and will destroy me and his sons.
He has a three bed house which he brought for us to start a family in, I gave up everything and moved miles away from my family to be with him and this is where we end up. He will literally stand by and live in a three bed house on his own knowing that one I would of lost my cat because he can’t come into a hostel and also knowing that his sons are in a dump. I cannot for a second get over what a selfish coward of a human being he is! Like my friend said he really is a different breed!
Apparently he will support me as a mother, what about the support as an individual. My family can offer me that and that is where I now need to be and if he had any decency on his body he would either allow me and the boys to the stay in the house or let me go to people who will give me what I need!
His selfishness has ended us here and his selfishness is going to end us up in a hostel.
I absolutely hate him!!!!!!!! His offer of shorten help if a top up I am not allowed is not only insulting but always what does he expect long term, so what I go back to work at the weekends and he has kids but there’s one problem with that, if I was to work every weekend I would never see my family. He literally wants a solution that benefits him and his family massively and doesn’t care about me.
The pain he is putting me through is unbearable and Obwill never ever forgive him for that ever.............
I'm so sorry you're going through this lubylou -hugs-
I think you need to do three things. Firstly, go to citizens advice, tell them everything and get help.
Secondly go to the council and tell them you need a house, make an appointment for someoine there to go through the forms with you. Tell them you're being forced to move out of your house and you and your children will be homeless, this will get you bumped up in priotity. The council are also really good about understanding benefits won't be sorted immediately, so housing benefits will be paid from your move in date if you apply before then or on move in date, even if it takes a few weeks to process - you can have it go straight to the council, then you'd need to pay any excess.
Thirdly is start shopping as cheap as possible and save every penny you can. Give batch cooking a go, then nothing will go to waste and your daily life will be a bit easier. There are groups on Facebook on how to eat for less, get on there and ask for advice, there are some people who have amazing ideas on there.
I hope everything works out for you and your kids. Remember things are tough but they'll definitely be good again, and what's important is you have your kids. You're strong, you'll get through this. x
I’m back and forth constantly at the council at the moment and they still won’t help me. I’m working alongside an organisation at the moment who is trying to get to the bottom of it all with me and I’m currently having to go to a solicitors on housing law.
Thank you for taking the time to respond and for your advice. I will look into Facebook groups.
Yes my kids are my strength and I feel very blessed to have them. They really are my world.
I moved into a council house around 8 months ago, they were useless at first with me too, but it's worth persuing because since I've been in here they've been amazing. I hope the organisation can sort it out for you, I'll keep my singers crossed for you x
To be honest I think it’s just the area as my hometown have already put me on the register, I’m currently bidding and although I am not in a high banding they have said as it gets closer to the date they will call me in for an interview and I will go higher up as a priority. I just obviously have the complication of whether I’m allowed back there however that is definitely where the support is ,housing as well as emotional. Like you say fingers crossed
Heartburn won’t leave me alone...been 2 weeks now with my stomach.....medication side effects are sucky....
Mr Pheebs wrote:
Heartburn won’t leave me alone...been 2 weeks now with my stomach.....medication side effects are sucky....
Don't drink milk, it a tally makes it worse. Just in case you didn't know. I hope you feel better soon.
If the Dr gives you medicine for it such as omeprasol, or similar only use it short term, long term use also makes the heartburn worse. Only trying to help. 😄😊
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My OH is not well, and . . .
As they say, you can lead a horse to water . . . .
You can even hold its head under the water . . . (Metaphorically, don't worry)
But you can't make it drink.
My OH really does make a mule look cooperative!
oh Fun Louise... those men are so stubborn sometimes I hope he listens to you and rests up to get better.
I have zero to rant about I just popped in to say hello FL and let you know I was thinking of you.
Lubylou13 I have zero practical advise as I am an American and do not know what service are available to you but I wanted to encourage you to stay strong for your kids.
Thanks , I appreciate your support. I feel really selfish as I'm not really replying to other people's posts, I'm just moaning about my own issues, and that's not really my style.
So if you think I haven't read your post, your probably wrong, I'm just not mentally and emotionally able to give, right now. I do care and I want to help but sadly I'm in self preservation mode right now.
Im sure with some time I will be back bothering you all with daft suggestions and random pieces of useless information. Stay strong and love one another.
I hope your OH is feeling better soon, glad to read on another thread that you had a great day at the beach and that your OH wasn't too out of breath.
Sometimes we only have the energy to focus on ourselves and those closest to us and i think most of us have been in that position at one point or another so i think everyone will understand.
Take care and be well.
You know when you’re in bed..your warm and comfortable? It’s your day off, you don’t need to get up....then your bladder starts nagging but you resist...the stretch of the bladder wall becomes uncomfortable, you end up with a bit of a belly bump but still you refuse to move.....
If you don’t pee soon, you maybe never will again...another 5 minutes.....you have willpower where a warm bed is concerned....then you have to get out of bed...your feet go cold as soon as they hit the floor and the dog, ever the opportunist, jumps into your warm spot...
You trudge to the toilet, not sure you’ll make it....someone’s in there! Run to the other toilet...if your a bloke you stand, 30;seconds, willing something to happen, you drip on your foot maybe, if you’d just gone this wouldn’t be happening. Or if you’re female you lean forewords as your uncomfortable....wishing you’d remembered your phone....30 seconds feels like 12 hours, dust balls from western films float across your horizon , owe getting uncomfortable & suddenly you wee!
And it’s like someone has electrocuted your bladder and urethra as you relax into it. Strange thing is though...I still feel like I won sort of....
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Getting so fed up of being ill. Had flu for two weeks now and totally missed the lovely weather cause of it. After months of horrendous flare ups with my spine cause of the cold and basically being housebound for the entire winter we finally get some nice weather and I'm in bed with hot and cold shakes and feeling like I've ran a marathon after getting half way up the stairs. Of course it makes me want to sleep and sleep and sleep, which would be great if my body didnt hurt so much when I lay down for too long. I just want a break from feeling so crappy all the time *grumbles*
Haha I know the exact feeling Mr Pheebs, usually after I have JUST managed to get my body to stop having pain spasms I get the feeling of needing to pee and of course I don't want to move after finally getting comfy, so I have that battle regurlay lol
@Fun Louise, Lubylou13, PurringTiger - Sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts to you all xx
I'm depressed and I hate it. it just goes on and on. Sometimes it gets better for a while but it never ever goes away. And I look back years and things seem worse overall, if anything. I'm so tired and anxious all the time. I keep getting hit by a wall of sad and I can't even move. It's like swimming through treacle and everyone else is still moving at top speed all around me. Every day I feel a failure. It takes all my energy keeping my head above water.
I don't want to complain and be whiney and irritate everyone around me. I just don't know what to do. I'm irritating myself because I can see what I'm doing, I know I'm slipping into negative thought patterns and I'm not doing what I should be doing to get better but it's just so damn hard and I'm exhausted. So I sit frozen and feel more and more guilty.
I'm sorry I'm not being positive and I'm sorry I'm not supporting others in here. I just needed to put that somewhere before it squashes me.