I’m doing exactly that as we speak. Just waiting to see if anyone reaches out first. It’s upsetting but you’re right, you then know where you stand with people.
I hope they do.
Got a fair few long term friends that if i didn’t make the effort to contact them, i’d never hear from them again. I just think some people are like that. Don’t take it personally, yes it’s disappointing but that’s life. I will admit that i have purposely stopped making the effort with some just to see if they’d contact me, but no, and they faded away.
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No need to reply but I won’t be mad if anyone does. I just need to get this off my chest. And TW - this post deals with cancer and death. I’ve hidden the text for anyone that may not wish to read the content.
Click to read
Back in June, my grandfather was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. I had seen him a few days prior to his diagnosis. I then got very busy with work, and other things and I got a call from my mother towards the end of august to say that if I haven’t been to see him, I needed to go and see him as they didn’t think he had long. As soon as I could, I was down to see him. This was on the 26th August.
He was confined to his bed, and was incredibly frail. He wasn’t able to breathe properly, and would often try to speak, but it wouldn’t make any sense. I sat with him for a little while until he went to sleep and then I went back downstairs and cried. My nan was struggling and my aunt had quit her job in order to move in and help take care of them both. She was exhausted and I said that whatever help she needed, she just needed to ask. I didn’t know what to do but I let her know that I was available for anything. I had arranged to come and visit again a few days later; on the 29th. By this time, his condition had deteriorated further and he was now on oxygen and was having pain medication administered intravenously.
It was gut-wrenching to see my once strong granddad, who was stubborn, argumentative but always game for a laugh; reduced to this. I went a did some food shopping for my nan and my aunt (who had now been joined by my other aunt who was a retired nurse). I again offered my help in any other way and was told that they were OK but if there was anything, they’d let me know.
I had then planned to come down on the Wednesday; but that morning I was called by my mother to warn me not to go; as there were now 4 nurses in the house, along side my nan, 2 aunts and her - so It wouldn’t be a good idea to have 2 more people in the house, but that she would keep me updated throughout the day. at 6pm that evening, she called to say that she had just gotten home, and that he was stable and resting, and that she was going over again tomorrow and will let me know more then. At 11:47pm, she called again to say she had been told to get over ASAP and at 12:01am on the Thursday, my Aunt called to say that he had passed.
The funeral was held this past Wednesday and I’m struggling with these intense feelings of guilt. Guilt that I didn’t get over to see him sooner. Guilt over not helping out more. It’s hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. I’m keeping in touch with my aunt and I’m arranging to visit my nan soon, and often. But right now, I’m feeling like the worse grandson in the world; and my husband has told me that there was nothing more I could have done, and that I shouldn’t feel guilty for living my own life. But I just… I don’t know. I just feel terrible.
That was a bit of a long one. I’m sorry. x
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It’s only human to feel like you could have done more, and because we never know when we are going to lose a loved one, even a terminal one, there are often things we feel we could/should have done or said.
I once missed a visit to a relative who was in hospital, intending to go a couple of days later, but they died unexpectedly, and i had the guilt hanging over me for ages.
Life is full of if’s and buts and if only’s and the fact you feel so guilty, is because you have a heart and care. I’m sure your grandad knew how much you loved him.
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So as we have such a great topic of What cheered you up recently we thought we would have one where you can let go of what happened to upset you recently, we know this can seem negative, but it can also help people express another feeling and make you feel more positive about it after talking about it.
We will start, we had to have our 14 year old pitbull put down yesterday, she was fitting more regularly and for longer and only had 3 legs for half her life.
That’s all 4 dogs gone now 3 in the last 4 months. 
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Awww, always sad to lose a beloved pet, they really are family. Big hugs to you both 
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The Tory government’s recent mini budget, we are only just beginning to see the fallout from this misguided policy.
So sorry to hear that @Steve_Laura69, we lost three of our cats in the last 4 years 
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So sorry to hear that @Steve_Laura69 
sounds like it was the best thing for the dog, just hurts sends hugs
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So sorry to hear about the loss of your pet @Steve_Laura69 it is so difficult when we hsve to let them
My negative this week is a fallout with my fwb kinda filtered out as he was distancing himself from me. No reason it was always casual as such. On and off for about 16 years. Each time i say I’m done then i go back. I’m not upset that its done. Just upset annoyed with myself for going back time after time especially as i should know better at my age.
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So sad, it’s like losing part of the family when they go 
Think the thing that’s upset me the most recently is Not having others write to me on their own accord… it’s become like I’m the one who’s initiating conversation with my friends and potential love connections… if I just leave it they won’t write 
So this past week I’ve been testing the waters to see if I don’t write how long does it take for them to say anything and so far zilch 
Also I feel like I’m being neglected big time by someone I like who’s also reciprocated the same interest but yet when they do eventually write it’s like nothing has changed at all so I don’t get it as if they like you they’d make efforts to write more and even follow through with meeting right?!
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Nothing lol
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16 years is a long time. It would be understandable if you were upset about it regardless of it being casual or not, this person was a part of your life and to lose the friendship is upsetting. Its really easy to keep going back to familiarity but if the relationship is no longer adding to your life then its in your best interests to let it go this time.
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Oh @JoCat i whole heartly agree. If i was giving someone advice that is exactly what I would tell them. I don’t get much from it to be honest. Its more 80/20 the 80 beginning on my part. I don’t even know why i keep going back. Loneliness on my part perhaps. Thank you for your kind words
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Loneliness drives us to people and sometimes those people make us feel even more lonely 
I hope the break sticks this time, you deserve better than you’re receiving.
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Im going through this just now.
While i was on holiday my dog became unwell, hasnt ate for 4days (hes a lab, thats just unheard of)
I hobestly thought when i took him to the vet when i got back it was only me coming home.
He is recovering, but its slow he is 12 years old.
I dont see him making the rest of the year sadly.
Car insurance companies…
AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH
I’m so mad right now i don’t know whether to hit something repeatedly or get the scotch out…
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@Steve_Laura69 so so sorry to read this,that’s awful, I’ve lost so many dogs over the years and it doesn’t get any easier but to lose so many in such a short space of time must be absolutely heart breaking and I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel because I’ve mourned the loss of my dogs more than the loss of some colleagues, friends and family.
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Ditto.