You have come to the perfect place to ask questions and listen to advice.
Just know that you deserve to be happy, and that’s not always about sex but sex is important for a lot of people in a relationship.
I often find that when I want to discuss something that’s a bit awkward, I tend to do it over text rather than face to face. There’s less pressure and it gives him a chance to think about his answer properly before replying.
So has your partner been with other people before you, how experienced do you think he is?
Do you feel like he was more sexually open previously.
Also how old you you both?
Has anything else changed in the relationship?
I don’t want to be the bad guy here but it’s just a thought that came to my head if I was in your shoes.
I may be inclined to wonder (if he’s changed from how he used to be) whether there could be someone else on the scene which may be why he is unwilling to please you in bed. Because is not just about oral, it’s about using toys and sex in general - if he really loves you, he would want you to be happy and would want to satisfy you (if that is totally not the case, then I’m sorry for even suggesting it).
Like others have said - you need a serious conversation with him. Does he has a fear for some reason, is there something bothering him. What is it?
All of the things you are suggesting, are normal parts of a relationship but if he’s struggling for some reason, you need to try and get him to open up - that’s the only way this will be resolved.
It’s not fair for you to go through life feeling this way x
Hi ! I’m glad I’ve found someone similar I feel so alone like when I talk with friends they think it’s odd and they’re all having fun but I’m too embarrassed to say what I want and when I do he half listens if you understand my point
I’ve often thought of breaking up ( we don’t live together at this current moment ) but then I think maybe that’s silly because I love him and I want to work this out I don’t want to leave because of this
He says he’ll try it and whatever I want but when the time comes I get nothing different and it’s the same old story
I think he wouldn’t like to talk to a counsellor he’s very private of things being told to someone professional as much as our sex life bugs me I love him and don’t want to leave him everything else is perfect but I will try talk to him again
I’m a little too shy to try that as I’m a bit private in that sense of things I’ve shown him many toys we could try little ones so they didn’t scare him , he says yes and then nothing happens , he just doesn’t seem certain on things I suppose , I think it would hurt his feelings if I had to warm myself up first instead of him right in front of him
@Tks2021 I totally understand. But please don’t think you are silly, I used to think the same but sex is an important part of a relationship and you deserve to be pleasured too.
My OH didn’t want to talk to a counsellor either, he said the same - it’s private and we’ll work it out together but we didn’t. In the end I was very clear that I was considering leaving / divorce and said that I wanted to try counselling and that it was basically that or losing me. He chose counselling thankfully.
Have you told him how bad it is making you feel - that you have thought about leaving him? It might spur him on to make some changes. If he still refuses, you should think about whether this relationship really is right for you x
It’s not a case of you being silly, so don’t worry about that. I look at it like this, you can’t just give him oral or hand jobs and he doesn’t return the favour. You should be satisfied just aswell as he is. I’m sure you love him and I wouldn’t want anyone to break up. It does seem hard if he don’t talk about it because then it leaves you in doubt.
I’ve got toys but I’m a little embarrassed to use them infront of him , he doesn’t want sexy texts or pics anymore and I don’t know why that’s an endless circle argument too so I don’t know what to do anymore
All I can say here is, don’t be embarrassed, embrace your body and how you want to feel for change! I’m sure loads of people on here have toys! I’ve got cock rings, sleeves and other bits but I wouldn’t be embarrassed to use them. I don’t know why he wouldn’t want sexy txts or pics. I love that, that builds up the sexual tension for when you both get home. Think you just need to sit him down and right, what’s going on and point out what you want from each other.
I always make sure he’s happy and pleased but I never get anything in return I just feel silly like I’m being dramatic that I’m not getting anything I don’t know but I never get a full answer or a straight up answer
I’m sure you do, but to me it’s not fair. I’m not one for being horrible or selfish but if it was me, don’t want to sound rude or too forward but I think I’d masturbate in front of my OH and not let them touch.
I know you don’t but you need to do something about it so your not feeling upset or down by it.
Just a quick thought - you said he doesn’t want sexy texts or pics anymore, does this mean he liked to have them before?
I don’t like to use toys / masturbate in front of my OH either! He seems to like it but I’m still rather embarrased by it at the moment. It is a good way to teach him what I like though.
It does sound like he is being selfish in regards to your needs even if he isn’t in other respects. You really aren’t silly for wanting sex to be pleasureable. I’m guessing he wouldn’t be very happy if you refused to give him sex / oral?
Basically he needs to make some decisions and decide if he’s willing to put his all into the relationship and whether he’s prepared to make some compromises to make it work x
Hmm seems like you need to try discover his interests and what sort of things get his heartstrings ticking… this could be a great opportunity for a shared adventure!
I suppose so I just don’t like being demanding / don’t want to hurt his feelings In all of this but in the same way my feelings hurt too if you understand me so I can’t win
I suppose he’s sensitive more than me I would take the conversation well if it was the other way round but he seems to get upset / hurt and I don’t wanna do that but I feel fed up
I wouldn’t either I’m too embarrassed ! He knows I have them and do it but I couldn’t. In front of him even to teach him I’m not that comfortable with myself to do that
I think he is selfish but won’t change his ways it seems unfortunately I don’t want to leave him but I wish he would change a bit for me
He used to but he doesn’t respond to the texts like he used to he doesn’t text naughty back etc I don’t know what changed but when I ask him why he doesn’t want them he says he does but doesn’t respond how I would think people would when sent things like that I don’t know his mind is complicated
but he’s not always selfish
but I never get a full answer or a straight up answer