I know I know and I’m glad you as. A man understand my viewpoint and don’t think me silly or anything like that I don’t give to receive but I give because - why wouldn’t I ? To me you do it all he receives but never gives and always makes his excuse of not giving oral blaming it on me and his excuses aren’t valid I’m not sure what I’m supposed do
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He never tells me what he wants or likes and never asks me what I want or like he never has ! I have toys galore I’m fine by myself he has non and doesn’t seem interested I’m not sure he said “ well if toys are what you need then that’s fine “- I interpreted that as yeh well use them and then he just doesn’t seem to respond ,
I don’t know why he doesn’t want texts or pics anymore I enjoy them but get no satisfaction from anything at this point
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I think it’s important too not the end of the world but it’s a nice time to spend together if ypy understand me , I don’t think he knows I would leave but in my head I was thinking about it I don’t know how he would respond if I told him I was thinking of leaving
He gets very upset to think he’s not pleasing me enough etc so o end up backing down , he doesn’t like other people to know “ a private thing “ so I don’t know what to do cause what If he doesn’t want to. To counselling he doesn’t talk he says he will and we do round in circles and I give in because I feel guilty for making him feel bad I back down and give up ,
We’re supposed to get married soon but I don’t know if I can if we don’t fix things
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I know, totally get where your coming from as why wouldn’t you give it to him, but this is what I’m saying. You have your needs and I just think it’s out of order that he receives, and never gives back to you! I can’t see how he expects from you and you get nothing from him.
I think that it’s good that you’ve got toys for yourself, maybe ask him to use one on you? I’m not sure about the sexy txts and pics, I love them!! This builds up to when you both get near each other.
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@Tks2021, when I read what you’ve written in all your posts, it is like reading my own thoughts from last year and to a certain extent now too. 
I really feel for you and totally get it. Just don’t do what I did - don’t get married before you are ready, it’s really important that you put yourself first for once. You are important, you are special and you deserve better. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
I imagine that you are the sort of person who puts everyone else first, doesn’t want to hurt anyone and worries about how others see you? It is really important to realise that the most important person in your life is you. I know it sounds harsh but it is true. You can’t keep giving and giving and getting nothing back, you will burn out like I did.
If your OH won’t consider counselling, might it be worth you going on your own? Talking to a professional about all of this might help you to proccess your thoughts and they might be able to give you some advice about how to speak to your OH.
Sending you virtual hugs 
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Aww this really made me smile thank you , I’m sorry you had to go through this too , I wish we could private message for me to explain more ,
I find it hard to put myself first I like to please everyone make sure they’re okay and needs are met before my own etc , I just feel like I’m at a dead end and him wanting to get married is stressing me more like can I put up with our endless circles even more once we’re married I’m not sure
But you sound absolutely lovely thank you for your support and advice ! I was thinking of counselling for myself but it’s hard to find around where I live unfortunately 
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No I understand and it frustrates me too I give each time but never receive and again I don’t give to receive it would be nice if I did get something back or that he could think in his own head to do something to me on his own accord if you get what I mean rather than me suggesting it 
I don’t know he makes it difficult
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He has to make no changes fo his life for us be together but I do so it makes me sad that he won’t change just this one aspect for me that would make us both happy and content at all times
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You’re exactly right he won’t do anything I want to do and he does say what I want to hear and then when he doesn’t do it and I ask him again I feel guilty cause he gets upset I do try text him and then he says talk in person so we talk in person and it ends up an endless circle
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I understand it could be a number of things , I would rather be told me or said no instead of saying yes and not do it and then me feeling disappointed
I think he knows deep down that I’m not satisfied but every time he brings it up that he gets upset if he feels he doesn’t satisfy me I feel guilty and kind of give in ive no idea if he thinks it’s good or not good he doesn’t communicate sadly
I’ve tried asking he says he’s he’ll try it I buy stuff and he’s not interested or doesn’t suggest anything etc I’m not sure if he’s scared of it etc I’m not sure I’m a bit shy so it makes it hard to talk openly with him about stuff like this I wish we could be open but I’m too nervous to tell him incase it hurts his feelings
I don’t know where you live so can’t be specific but try googling bacp (they are a counselling regulatory body), they have a “find a therapist” page or Relate (relationship counselling). (Please edit if I’m not allowed to recommend stuff)
Hey thanks sorry for replying to this one late and the other one first !
It’s not all about sex to some it is to some it’s not we get on great otherwise but with us not living together atm any time we get together I feel like should be good special for both of us etc but each time it isn’t and I’m left disappointed and the one to clean up
I try texting him telling him my issues and what I want etc he says yes we’ll talk later and when we speak later we go round in an endless circle of no straight answers he gets sad thinking he doesn’t please me I feel guilty and I give in and leave the subject all together cause I know I’m not going to get any answers that I want
He doesn’t seem to wants pics or texts anymore and I’m not sure why he says he’s always busy or tired but so am I but I always make time for him and this kinda thing
He has been with people before me and I often wonder what he was like I’ve no idea how he was with other women so I’m not sure but I’m trying to start small and with the basics at the start of the relationship he sounded like he was into everything I was and he did things we spoke of once ( oral spanking etc ) and after that he’s never done it since
I’m not sure if he would of been hes slightly older by 6 years so I’m unsure whether he would of been or not he’s quite a quiet person at times and quite private
We both work full time so are tired and busy stressed etc but I always make time for him no matter how tired I am but when the shoe is on the other foot that’s another story I get nothing whatsoever because he’s tired and that’s everyday now it seems I don’t think anything has changed we’re doing the same thing day in day out as we would usually
I know for definite that there’s no one else we’re way to close for that to occur and I know what hes up to sleeping working etc he works from home and is hardly on his phone so I know there isn’t
He’s only ever gave me oral once etc so I’ve no idea why he wouldn’t continue but with him constantly saying he’s tired or stressed I feel like I can’t bring the subject up because there’s always been something wrong at work etc so he’s stressed so I don’t wanna add to it
You’re totally okay for voicing your thoughts 
I know it’s just hard it’s always the wrong time if you get what I mean I’m not sure what’s going on inside his head I really don’t he won’t even tell me what he likes or dislikes nothings ever a straight answer With him or a real answer
He makes me feel very confused but also that I’m doing something wrong asking or wanting these things when I’d do anything for him in any case xx
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Well I live in the Uk so I think I’ve heard of that I will try to have a look it’s very much appreciated xx
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Did his previous relationships fail because of his lack of interest after a while? I think you need to insist on change before going any further. Some people will never change. You need to weigh up wether your love for him outweighs his lack of enthusiasm in reciprocal pleasure. It’s a long life settling for second best.
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There is a podcast series on Spotify (and probably itunes/apple) called Sex With Emily, she frequently discusses issues such as yours and has some real practical advice on how to approach partners who are reluctant to talk about sex.
You don’t want to get into a tit for tat situation, but you absolutely have a right to experience pleasurable sex and he needs to really understand he has as much of a part to play in ensuring a pleasurable sex life for you both as you do.
You need to decide what it is you really want, then set about achieving that. I can totally understand the apprehension of masturbating in front of a partner (took me 20+ years to do it infront of Mrs Sen) but the first time really is the worst. From this male’s perspective, seeing your partner pleasure themselves really is a massive turn on.
He simply appears to be giving you lip service, saying what you want to hear (when pushed) but not backing it up. You need to make him understand that this is not acceptable anymore.
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I’m worried he’ll never change I’ve no idea what caused his last relationship to end all I know is it didn’t end well , I don’t know what I’ll do if he still doesn’t change
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You need to sort this out asap, or a life of what if’s awaits.
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Indeed so but of course today isn’t a good day like usual
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Thank you I will check it out I think I follow one like it
Oh I could never it’s not my kind of thing unfortunately I need to talk to him but it’s hard he doesn’t really like talking
Sorry if anyone’s addressed this as I’ve read the replies fairly quickly…but… you said you’ve been with him for 3 years
Has it been like that the whole time and if so why is it more of an issue now?
You’ve said he’ll accept oral but not give it. Simply don’t give it and explain why. Your sexual needs aren’t being met, and given that you’re in a relationship you can’t realistically get them met elsewhere.
So it really is as simple as this -
Option 1 - put up with it. Definitely not recommended as this may mean indefinitely.
Option 2 - assert that you aren’t going to put up with it any longer, as he’s essentially had 3 years to figure things out.
Option 3 - leave
I understand option 3 is very extreme. But so is a life of unfulfillment due to his unwillingness to deal with the issue at hand. In summary, I’d recommend you go with option 2 but you really will have to be assertive and put it as a “make or break” to see any change, in my opinion
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