No I understand and it frustrates me too I give each time but never receive and again I don’t give to receive it would be nice if I did get something back or that he could think in his own head to do something to me on his own accord if you get what I mean rather than me suggesting it 
I don’t know he makes it difficult
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He has to make no changes fo his life for us be together but I do so it makes me sad that he won’t change just this one aspect for me that would make us both happy and content at all times 
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You’re exactly right he won’t do anything I want to do and he does say what I want to hear and then when he doesn’t do it and I ask him again I feel guilty cause he gets upset I do try text him and then he says talk in person so we talk in person and it ends up an endless circle
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I understand it could be a number of things , I would rather be told me or said no instead of saying yes and not do it and then me feeling disappointed
I think he knows deep down that I’m not satisfied but every time he brings it up that he gets upset if he feels he doesn’t satisfy me I feel guilty and kind of give in ive no idea if he thinks it’s good or not good he doesn’t communicate sadly
I’ve tried asking he says he’s he’ll try it I buy stuff and he’s not interested or doesn’t suggest anything etc I’m not sure if he’s scared of it etc I’m not sure I’m a bit shy so it makes it hard to talk openly with him about stuff like this I wish we could be open but I’m too nervous to tell him incase it hurts his feelings
Hey thanks sorry for replying to this one late and the other one first !
It’s not all about sex to some it is to some it’s not we get on great otherwise but with us not living together atm any time we get together I feel like should be good special for both of us etc but each time it isn’t and I’m left disappointed and the one to clean up
I try texting him telling him my issues and what I want etc he says yes we’ll talk later and when we speak later we go round in an endless circle of no straight answers he gets sad thinking he doesn’t please me I feel guilty and I give in and leave the subject all together cause I know I’m not going to get any answers that I want
He doesn’t seem to wants pics or texts anymore and I’m not sure why he says he’s always busy or tired but so am I but I always make time for him and this kinda thing
He has been with people before me and I often wonder what he was like I’ve no idea how he was with other women so I’m not sure but I’m trying to start small and with the basics at the start of the relationship he sounded like he was into everything I was and he did things we spoke of once ( oral spanking etc ) and after that he’s never done it since
I’m not sure if he would of been hes slightly older by 6 years so I’m unsure whether he would of been or not he’s quite a quiet person at times and quite private
We both work full time so are tired and busy stressed etc but I always make time for him no matter how tired I am but when the shoe is on the other foot that’s another story I get nothing whatsoever because he’s tired and that’s everyday now it seems I don’t think anything has changed we’re doing the same thing day in day out as we would usually
I know for definite that there’s no one else we’re way to close for that to occur and I know what hes up to sleeping working etc he works from home and is hardly on his phone so I know there isn’t
He’s only ever gave me oral once etc so I’ve no idea why he wouldn’t continue but with him constantly saying he’s tired or stressed I feel like I can’t bring the subject up because there’s always been something wrong at work etc so he’s stressed so I don’t wanna add to it
You’re totally okay for voicing your thoughts 
I know it’s just hard it’s always the wrong time if you get what I mean I’m not sure what’s going on inside his head I really don’t he won’t even tell me what he likes or dislikes nothings ever a straight answer With him or a real answer
He makes me feel very confused but also that I’m doing something wrong asking or wanting these things when I’d do anything for him in any case xx
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Well I live in the Uk so I think I’ve heard of that I will try to have a look it’s very much appreciated xx
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Did his previous relationships fail because of his lack of interest after a while? I think you need to insist on change before going any further. Some people will never change. You need to weigh up wether your love for him outweighs his lack of enthusiasm in reciprocal pleasure. It’s a long life settling for second best.
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There is a podcast series on Spotify (and probably itunes/apple) called Sex With Emily, she frequently discusses issues such as yours and has some real practical advice on how to approach partners who are reluctant to talk about sex.
You don’t want to get into a tit for tat situation, but you absolutely have a right to experience pleasurable sex and he needs to really understand he has as much of a part to play in ensuring a pleasurable sex life for you both as you do.
You need to decide what it is you really want, then set about achieving that. I can totally understand the apprehension of masturbating in front of a partner (took me 20+ years to do it infront of Mrs Sen) but the first time really is the worst. From this male’s perspective, seeing your partner pleasure themselves really is a massive turn on.
He simply appears to be giving you lip service, saying what you want to hear (when pushed) but not backing it up. You need to make him understand that this is not acceptable anymore.
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I’m worried he’ll never change I’ve no idea what caused his last relationship to end all I know is it didn’t end well , I don’t know what I’ll do if he still doesn’t change
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You need to sort this out asap, or a life of what if’s awaits.
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Indeed so but of course today isn’t a good day like usual
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Thank you I will check it out I think I follow one like it
Oh I could never it’s not my kind of thing unfortunately I need to talk to him but it’s hard he doesn’t really like talking
Sorry if anyone’s addressed this as I’ve read the replies fairly quickly…but… you said you’ve been with him for 3 years
Has it been like that the whole time and if so why is it more of an issue now?
You’ve said he’ll accept oral but not give it. Simply don’t give it and explain why. Your sexual needs aren’t being met, and given that you’re in a relationship you can’t realistically get them met elsewhere.
So it really is as simple as this -
Option 1 - put up with it. Definitely not recommended as this may mean indefinitely.
Option 2 - assert that you aren’t going to put up with it any longer, as he’s essentially had 3 years to figure things out.
Option 3 - leave
I understand option 3 is very extreme. But so is a life of unfulfillment due to his unwillingness to deal with the issue at hand. In summary, I’d recommend you go with option 2 but you really will have to be assertive and put it as a “make or break” to see any change, in my opinion
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It never will be! An example…a person i know smoked from their schooldays, a person who loved them constantly begged them to stop. They made the usual gestures and even pretended to stop ( it was obvious to the non smoker they were still smoking) this went on for 30 odd years until a bout of ill health scared the shit out of them and they quit of their own accord. My point is, unless they WANT to change, they never will.
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Whatever you decide to do, we are here if you need to vent your feelings 
Pluck up the courage and have the conversation with him that you want - be forceful and demand answers.
At least then, you will know where you stand and can make a better decision on what you want to do.
I wish you the best x
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It’s very much always been like this hes done oral etc once at the start and then it never occurred again I’ve tried over the 3 years to fix it and we go round and round in circles
I don’t think I could leave over this but it certainly needs sorting I don’t want it to be make or break but it’s certainly getting frustrating
Thank you so much I really
Appreciate all your help
And everyone else’s advice was great too xx
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Hi, ultimately you must go with your gut feeling on how to resolve this issue. However, I’ll explain my experience in hope that it might offer you an alternative viewpoint.
My last relationship (18 years, married) we had been friends first, sex was always OK… But, always based around his pleasure. I hated giving oral and therefore wouldn’t, I just didn’t enjoy it. I was reluctant to receive oral from him too. Yes I loved him, but there was various issues in and out of the bedroom, ended in divorce and years of wasted pleasure I could have been having… Hindsight eh!
My current relationship (2 years) love making (has taken on a whole new meaning) /sex is amazing, we both give and receive oral WITH pleasure. Sex life is so much better from previous relationship, we are open in what we want, and like, and confident with it!
In fact we have both admitted that making love has never felt so good or been so much fun and full of pleasure.
Of course you love him, I’m sure he loves you too… but is this enough without the freedom and confidence to explore each other sexually?
You should feel confident and empowered by him in every respect! If not, we’ll this either needs fixing or ending!
All the best hun x
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Hmm tricky, how about trying some magic potions to get him horny and excited haha 
Or maybe he just needs some playful guiding during sex to do more things like floor play… have you tried showing some tender dominance towards him?
Sometimes men’s libido can be really low and effects how they enjoy sex, often causes are down to stress or depression related issue.
If he says he doesn’t want to do oral or improve your sex life then you’ve got a line in the sand and can make an informed decision. At the moment you’re trying to second guess him and no doubt it’s the uncertainty that’s worse than knowing where you stand.
There has been some great replies since I posted. I can’t help but feel that he is lacking in confidence and doesn’t know what to do. And his embarrassment is leading to him shutting down and not admitting to it. So it becomes a vicious circle and nothing improves for you. That’s where a good conversation could help by breaking that circle and giving him the reassurance to try or give him the confidence to ask.
If not, @PleasureDrone is right that he’s not worth it 
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