So, I’m very new to sex, (Late bloomer, 34) only been in the game a year and for that year until 2 weeks ago, it was whilst under the same roof as my partners mum, whose bedroom was originally across the narrow hall, then due to issues with stairs, directly under his bedroom.
As such my experience so far has been strictly vanilla missionary, in the dead of night lights out whilst she was sleeping, or blowjobs when she left the house to go to the shop.
Now however, my partner has moved in to his own place, so there’s privacy a plenty to basically try out anything we want.
So, it’s a big issue for me self esteem wise that for several medical reasons, i’m a big girl. I don’t know size exactly as i mostly dress primark whose sizing is very generous, but i’d wager bottom half a standard 18-20 in none stretchy material jeans, top half prob a 22/24 in a button up shirt, due to belly, not much boob. My man however, wears a standard size small top (occasionally medium) and 32 inch waist. I’m roughly 5-6 stone heavier than he is. If it matters hes about 6 inches in length, maybe 6.5.
Missionary feels nice, but it hasn’t even come close to making me orgasm. To be honest i need internal and external stimulation, and i’ve never gotten there at all manually without a decent external Vibrator. Idk if its weight/size related at all, but i have a very deeply hidden hard to find clitoris. I’ve bought a discreet, none intimidating bullet to try to incorporate, as he’s never used sex toys before alone or with a partner.
For both better sensations for myself, and also for some variety, i’d like to try different positions too, including going on top.
However, i’m scared of my weight squashing, hurting, or being unpleasant for my partner. I don’t have great kneeling ability due to a past car crash injury to both knees causing a lot of pain, and i’m unsure whether i’d kneel, try to squat, etc.
I’m also very conscious of how my body looks, keeping a baggy as possible shirt on, he’s never seen me topless etc. I’m honestly amazed he can get an erection to have sex with me to be honest as i can’t contemplate how he could possibly find me attractive.
But, the bigger issue is being so much heavier than him, i’m very aware during missionary how heavy he feels lay on me, so i’m really concerned about hurting him if i try going on top, even if i brave my self esteem looks wise.
Is this honestly something to shelve til further down the line after i try some interventions to try to lose some of the weight, or is there some tips/tricks to help combat this i’m not in the know of?
