Sex, Disability and Neurodivergence

Inside Lovehoney
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Hey All!

Our blog team is looking to hear from people with disabilities or neurodivergence about how they adapt their sex lives when living with disability or neurodivergence, and we’d love to hear from you.

Got a sex position you wish you’d discovered years ago?

Made adjustments that changed the game?

Using sex furniture to make things easier or more enjoyable?

We’re also keen to hear from anyone exploring kink. How does bondage work for you, and have you found ways to make restraints more comfortable or practical?

And of course, if you’ve found Lovehoney toys that just get your body – tell us which ones and why.

Share whatever you’re happy to and let’s chat down below! :smiley:

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I welcome the idea of a blog which I believe would be very useful. I am disabled and have little mobility and can only stand for a few minutes and fatigue prevents doing any physical. My wife also has endometrosis . Toys have helped, bullets (Mrs) I use a Fleshlight which is useful although ED makes it difficult.

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We are 73 and 72 years old. My wife has Parkinson’s and we have had to adapt our sexual relationship to to cope with this.

The Parkinson’s progression has gradually reduced my wife’s mobility, her overall strength and her stamina but as the changes have occurred gradually we have been able to make adjustments to our lifestyle to alleviate them. Fortunately these adjustments have matched our gradual switch to a femdom led male chastity relationship pretty well.

She finds PIV sex uncomfortable but with the chastity relationship this is no longer something that we do. She much prefers to control her own orgasms using wands or vibrators and I love to be ‘forced’ to watch.

When she is masturbating me using her hands she tires easily and has to rest frequently but this fits in perfectly with the edging, tease and denial intrinsic to the chastity lifestyle. If she is unable to manage manual stimulation we also have a couple of sex machines which she can use on me or watch me use on myself.

Pegging is important to us both but is tiring for her so the positions which suit her best are cowgirl or spooning me from behind where I can do most of the moving required.

Impact play is a big part of what we do and, with her limited strength and stamina, we have had to adopt a different approach. We have chosen implements which are light but very effective (our bullwhip is a short 4’ version) and rather than having one intense impact session we spread it over a few hours or even a full day. She will give me 10 or 20 strokes of the cane, whip, etc. every 30 minutes or so. I find that I can take far more punishment this way and she doesn’t get tired or distressed. We also use positions where she can sit down while she’s beating me.

We use restraints as part of our play and she can relax and take as much time as she likes using ‘medical’ implements on me when I’m restrained.

Our role reversal and my feminisation, both sexually and domestically, means that I now do all the housework and cooking too and this makes life much easier for her.

Since Parkinson’s is a progressive disease her symptoms will gradually worsen so our sexual relationship will have to evolve to cope with this but so far we are coping very well and, in fact, we are both feeling that sexually we are having the best time ever.

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The whole thing involves adjustments. (Disability, not just sex). It’s a natural process. I can give it some thought if you like, as we always do it, so don’t necessarily realise when we do! A lot of positions, some actions.

Also, queening furniture. That’s a game changer.

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I live with a plethora of (fortunately quite mild) disabilities, as well as anxiety and depression. There’s some suggestion that I have ADD/ADHD as well, although I’ve resisted chasing a diagnosis on that one for now - I guess I just don’t want one more thing added to my “what’s wrong with Elena” list. I do strongly (and proudly) identify as a Highly Sensitive Person too, which is classed as a form of neurodivergence :slight_smile:

There is so, so much to share, so much that has made our marriage the ironclad union that is, like finding ways to communicate carfully, patiently and empathetically. Words can cut like a sword and they can do lasting damage, for the neurospicy among, those wounds can cut even deeper. Keeping a journal can really help, but be careful to express without attacking - “I felt __ when you ___” can help.

Also the Obedience and Embrace apps - Obedience for rules, rituals, tasks etc, and Embrace for journalling. Great for people with ADHD and ADHD traits.

Pillows and patience: For those with vestibular issues like myself, moving slowly(ish) and propping up the head with a pillow can make a difference. Also not having a heavy meal before sex if you want to avoid nausea.

Bondage wise, velcro cuffs are amazing as they can be ripped off quickly if something starts getting uncomfortable. Also good communication and, obviously, a safeword. I know it probably sounds weird thats someone with a chronic pain condition would be into being spanked, so before anyone asks, I dived into that here for you. I also dive into how to make some of the popular kinks disabled-friendly in my “What’s Your Kink?” series :slight_smile:

I can’t kneel because of my chronic pain condition, so versatility is so, so important. Learn your partner and overcome obstacles together - disabled kinksters deserve love, too :slight_smile:

Favourite toys? we like to combile the detachable cuffs from the Bondage Boutique Sex Position Restraint With Cuffs with the Bondage Boutique Under The Bed Restraint Set - they’re just that little bit plusher and nicer, and more comfortable on my painful parts :slight_smile:

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Undiagnosed neurological condition that took away the feeling and control of my legs for a while, it has pretty much resolved now, but the leg weakness persists.

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Incase you haven’t seen this post @Phil44 Do you have any input?

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I find kink to be a great escape from neurodivergence a lot of the time. With enough headspacing a lot of the various issues and things that I would just deal with in my day to day life stop existing. It’s an odd one. I’ve always found really great relief and comfort from any scenes that just let me space out and feel out of body and not have to worry about anything. Whether that’s roleplay or particularly heavy hitting scenes that get you into a specific frame of mind. I often find it can be easier to do harder kink than to do casual sex just because there can be less thinking involved after a point.

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I’m not sure if this counts but I’ll add it in case it’s helpful for anyone else going through something similar. (:

I won’t go massively into it as it’s all very personal but I’ve briefly mentioned before how I developed ptsd at a young age, which subsequently lead to Vaginismus. This made it impossible for me to insert tampons, have penetrative sex or practice any kind of penetration (even just trying to insert the tip of my pinky finger would cause extreme pain).

Despite this, I still explored my body sexually, I loved watching porn and experimenting with different sensations that didn’t involve penetration. I think that, looking back, it’s why I’m so open minded to different kinks and it’s probably why I’m so into bdsm.

I think the biggest turning point for me was when I had been with my partner for about a year, he was great because he never forced me to do anything sexually, I’d given him oral and handjobs before but I could never get to the point of receiving anything. About a year into our relationship I told him how much I loved bdsm and how I wanted to experiment more with it, he then took it upon himself to buy about £200 worth of toys and lingerie from LH. Amongst everything he bought was a small buttplug and a bullet (which came as a free gift) these ended up being my first introduction to penetration and was a massive turning point for me.

It took absolutely ages for me to get to a point where I could have sex, I still have my moments sometimes but I’m in a much better place now. Exploring with different toys and being in control really helped me, I know that my Vaginismus is probably completely in my head and a mental thing but taking things slow helped me.

I found that positions where I’m fully in control seems to help, I’m not a huge fan of doggy as it feels like I’m being taken advantage of. Weirdly enough I really like piledriving though, which is odd because it’s almost like a more extreme version of doggy.

Where to start? Maybe all of them.

LoveHoney just knows how to make the most perfect toys, it’s so difficult to pick out one specifically so here’s a list of a few:

G Thriller it’s fabulous, it’s the most realistic dildo I’ve used. It really feels like having sex, it hits the Gspot perfectly.

Mains powered wand It provides a different type of vibrating sensation, it’s almost a deeper more sensual rumble. It’s great as it can be used anywhere on your body!

Goddess glow I’m including this because I’m greedy, this little kit allows me to experience vibrations, thrusting and clitoral suction. What more could you ask for? Despite its size, the thrusting Gspot vibe is incredible, maybe even better than the G thriller? To top it all off the kit comes with a cute handbag.

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Well I dont buy sextoys because I dont own a bank account and it would be a tad embarresing buying toys using someones elses bank account. So it would be great if sex esuppliers could use details that masks the esupplier or/and items on the bank account/statement showing up

But I dont have any other input with making sex easier etc as I havent ever had it, yeah I wont be able todo what all guys do, but I think I’ll get by ok. The only prob I can think of, I can’t do stuff with speed so fingering will be a prob but theres loads of toys to help with that, and fucking might be a prob too, but I refuse to use any toys with that, as I will want/need to fuck without blumming toys

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You could look at using PayPal many places including LH accept it. and it’s dead easy to set up you just need an email account, could be worth a look ?

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@Lovehoney_Brenna I’ll write stuff in bits over the coming days if you don’t mind. Too much for one post I think.

Positions: This one was key for disability. My body is crap. so there are lots of positions I can’t do. So firstly, find ones I can, which usually means my body is supported. We’ve bought furniture I can be bent over and shagged.

This includes an adjustable bed (which I need for other purposes, but it does allow for positioning to keep me comfortable). We also have pillows and cushions to put under me, for example, so I can lie face down on the bed but with my ass in the air.

We use things like spreader bars to keep me in the same position without using energy (also like the kinkiness angle to this). We have things like cuffs on chains to keep my legs up as well, as I can’t probably hold the weight myself.

Anything that keeps me supported. Our queening chairs are a revelation. I thought I didn’t like being licked out, but if I’m comfortable, I love it and can stay there for ages.

We do things like Cowgirl when I can (as I love it) and sometimes, if someone holds me up, I can do Cowgirl anyway, but obviously that involves bringing someone else into the sex with you. It does work for me though.

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You’re inspiring me to put a queening stool on my Christmas wishlist. Trouble is, I’m not sure Santa would agree I’ve been a good girl :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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I’m sure Santa loves a bad girl and will give her the present she requested. Santa knows what’s best for him in the long run. You enjoy when you receive your present. @Tenshadesandme

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I’m sure I will @steve19

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Don’t be daft @Tenshadesandme. He knows damn well you’ve been a very bad girl.
I’m sure with certain reparations for your badness (like a few very sore ass evenings), he’ll see fit to deliver one though. He’s nothing if not fair. :joy:

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So that’s what advent is, it should be bad-vent: reparations for all the grief we’ve given our Domkind over the year.

I’ve no doubt we’ll have plenty of takers :joy:

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Neurodivergent and disabled here. I’m still trying to find what works best for us, unfortunately often I can’t do any top positions but found toys seem to keep things spiced up. So far I’m not keep on wrist and leg restraints, but do log paddles. Certain lingerie is a no no for me due to the feel of the material, but we’ve got that.working for us now :slight_smile:

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I’m neurodivergent (and disabled but my disabilities don’t affect my sex life as much as my neurodiversity). The biggest thing for me is trying to meet my sensory needs and there are a lot of sensory things going on during sex from lube to condoms, cum…

I like to wear lingerie but find a lot of it not great from a sensory perspective especially when I am feeling a bit overstimulated in other ways. I have a few comfortable items that I love the feeling of - no wires, soft material, no labels and seams in the right places for me. They are both from LH.

As for lube, I have tried so many different types and I’m still looking for this right one. I would advise people who don’t like the feel of lube to try a different brand or type, if you don’t like water based lubes, try oil based or silicone or vise versa. Water based lubes are very varied in texture, some are thicker and gloopier than others so it’s worth trying different brands. I would really love LH to do tester sachets of different lubes. I know you can get sachets in a box to try but they tend to be all from one brand and contain lots of flavoured and sensation lubes which aren’t an option for a lot of people who are easily overstimulated. (Just for clarification, not all neurodivergent people have sensory issues and some who do have the opposite issues to me - they need more sensory stimulation but this is my experience of neurodiversity)

The same as above applies to condoms. I hate the feeling of condoms and can’t touch them with my fingers. For anyone else with a similar experience, I would suggest asking your partner to put them on and again, try different brands and types, they do feel different. I can tolerate skyns elite, latex free but still can’t touch them with my hands :joy:

Unrelated to sensory needs, there is also a surprisingly high number of neurodivergent people who identify as LGBTQ+ and a significant number of trans and non binary people are also neurodivergent. I don’t think the reason for this is understood but it is an interesting correlation. (Again, for clarity, not all neurodivergent people identify as LGBTQ+ and not all LGBTQ+ people are neurodivergent!)

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Lucky in my life to be married to the same beautiful disobedient wife /sub for 40 years , she suffers from an extremely rare neurological condition which manifests itself as dreadful balance problems , violent headaches which confine her to a wheelchair and now just been diagnosed as diabetic ,
I think as in all things in a relationship , especially your sex life communication is the biggest key , Due to poor mobility and she loves to be manhandled a leather sex swing is one of the greatest things we have ever purchased , allows the sensation of being " shoved around " without any of the discomfort .
We have had a Master / Sub relationship for many years , long before FSOG hit the bookshops but down the entire lefthand side of her body she has no pain sensation whatsoever so how hard to strike with hand , crop , paddle etc has been fine tuned over many years .I sadly sometimes still get it wrong .
I dread to think over the years how much we have spent trying to find the " most powerful" vibrator and have found only the Doxy wand will get her there on full setting , after 2 minutes i cannot feel my hand but the end results are worth it , squirting is not a term good enough to describe it !!
As for clitoral stimulation creams or gels we have managed by trial on error to make our own , probably too eyewatering for people with regular sensation levels but it works for her 90% of the time . when funds permit we will keep on buying toys to find the holy grail but for now the Doxy wand is the way to go but even they have a limited life span when full bore every time its used , normally get 12 months at the most out of them but its worth it
Moral of the story is keep trying lovely people and dont let a disability of any kind stop you doing anything , you deserve the best out of life . including a wonderfull sex life
Ps anyone fancy selling me a new Sibian for £1 a week i will be your best friend for ever hahahaha , only joking take care all

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