I so relate to that. Hubby is always gentle with me because he cares for me, and he had a disabled Mum so he knew he should be careful and gentle with me. I had to tell him I wanted him to fuck me, even when I was struggling to stay awake through physical exhaustion.
If it isn’t rough, if isn’t fun 
AuDHD male.
The over arching way it affects sex is that I get bored very easily with anything familiar or repetative. As well as that I get distracted easily and suffer with rejection sensitive dysphoria. Now I didn’t understand this until I was diagnosed but its quite obviously been an issue from an early age.
Growing up learning about masturbation, I pushed my boundaries further than I suspect most people do before they’ve ever had a partner. That wasn’t a concious decision but was simply because I kept getting bored and needed something else to get the same sensation. Think of it like an addiction. Always chasing that first high but needing more and more to kind of get there. Wasn’t helped by a complete lack of sex education. My first orgasm was while hanging off a wardrobe, trying to get my leg up. I very nearly fell off.
In my early 20s I was lucky to find someone who had almost stereotypically escaped a strict Catholic Italian upbringing and was very keen to try everything and anything we saw, read about or imagined. So for a year we had some of the most wonderfully uninhibitted, no holds barred, kinky sex. Although we didn’t know it was, or think of it as kinky. We just explored our bodies, all the things we could do with them and with anything we found around the house. We figured out the g-spot and squirting before it they were a thing. Sadly that ended too soon.
The rest of my life has been much more regular/vanilla/normal ( outside of masturbation) and so my ADHD caused a lot of trouble and made sex awkward and infrequent. About 20years ago I began to realise there was more to my issues than just boredom and so with a little bit of knowledge and some honest communication our sex life improved, but never really reached the heights I needed. Until I got diagnosed. Then everything changed. Since then its just been fantastic.
Once we understood the route cause of my difficulties and preferences its been much easier to work with and use them to both our mutual advantages.
We’ve got multiple boxes of toys and take an extra suitcase full of them on our fairly regular hotel/cottage stays. We rarely stay in a hotel more than once so I don’t get too familiar with the location. We’ll open the toy suitcase as soon as we get there. There’s no obligation or pressure to use any particular one. We’ll grab whatever we need when ever we feel we need it and we’ll often experiment with different uses for any given toy.
Its also helped make some of my kinks more understandable and palatable to my wife. It was all so far out of her experience that she didn’t know what to make of it but understanding the route cause and need has helped. I’m far more likely to suggest things I might other wise relegate to solo play.
As for kinks. The usual bondage, domination and spanking but little of the SM. Watersports ( just a bit in the shower ), anal/P-play, sounding and electro. All combined in different ways. We often like to avoid orgasms and will edge for as long as possible so we can keep the pleasure going.
Outdoors when we can. Neither of us are exhibitionists and the thought of being caught terrifies rather than thrills .. so we need seclusion. Usually nothing kinky so we can escape quickly if needed. Remote toys are great but its more often just mutual masturbation or regular sex. If you’ve never done it on a blanket ( sand flies and ticks are not fun ) on a warm summer afternoon, surrounded by nature, even during a summer shower .. both totally naked, wow. Or even a dark summer evening. We tried the car bonnet once on a cool but absolutely bucketting it down evening. The bonnet was still warm so that was great although over very quickly.
We’ve tried to bring a little of that indoors for the winter by buying a bigger than queen size waterproof animal blanket, then use more almond oil than is necessary to just roll round and turn ourselves on for hours.
We’ve tried some sex furniture but it looked like it had been designed for much more petite people. Impossible to use for anyone over 5’6” and not adjustable. The most successful was actually a blow up ball .. the type you’re meant to use as a chair to keep your lower back supple. That proved really versatile.
Toys wise I need variety. I love cockrings and butt plugs. Being at the cheaper end of toys makes variety easier. I’ve a number of dildos and vibrators that are only used for bum fun with condoms on as it just helps with clean up. Well when possible. The longest is just under 2 foot and tapered so I can’t get a condom on that!
My other half has likewise a huge range of toys and underwear but toys wise, she’s begun to favour the Womanizer over everything else.
As for positions, well we’re getting on a bit so comfort is a big part. Doggy on a table. Spooning. A kind of scissoring while we face each other, and a lazy 69 are the most comfortable recognisable positions for us. the rest of the time we’re just rolling around. I realy enjoy her lying on top of me. I love that pressure and weight though its more comforting than anything else.
I don’t know if being diagnosed when young would of made any difference to me sexually, but if it had been 25 years ago, we’d of maybe had a more fullfilling sex life while we still had our knees and hips.
Can you recommend some queening chairs? We’ve bought one of the more common ones but found its just too small and awkward.
Is it a lovehoney one you have and if so can you link it?
I can’t I’m afraid. They weren’t from LH.
Actually, they were made to order by a French artisan carpenter. It was a Saturday sideline for him!
Its not so I shouldn’t link it. You’ll of seen it plenty of places, particularly a huge online shop where it now has only 2 stars, its a very common metal and elastic model. Comparing the dimensions to one that IS available here, LHs is clearly better quality and looks much more sturdy, but the dimensions are very similar so for anyone tall or with long legs, its too awkward. If you’re petite then it might be perfect.
Neurodivergent here - specifically, autistic!
Lovehoney always has the toys I’m looking for. Happy to talk further about my experiences.
im autistic, with severe adhd, and complex PTSD, with physical limitations as well. i have completely torn off the medial meniscus in my left knee and due to that i have went exponentially down in how manyh times i can do the deed in a day. and what positions i can endure as i cannot put any weight on my knee directly. im saving for a ceiling hanging sex swing soon, and i cant wait to get it. i do all i can to keep my Dom happy, as i need him to keep up and help me with my executive functioning, as i have too much damage in my brain to do it on my own reliably. i have found that the structure and the dynamics of the dom/sub or brat tamer/brat lifestyle works out the best for all my specific needs and desires.
I am so sorry about your situation and dealing with Parkinson’s. It is extremely enlightening to hear you have found ways to stay intimate In spite of the problems. Which shows how important sex is to you as a couple.
You are setting a good example for many others who deal with difficulties , yet carry on regardless.
I’ve just found this whole topic so I’ve been reading all the replies in addition to yours. Sheds more light on things for me.
Its a good job I forget what I’ve written sometimes.
@KinkyMira …dont know why , but had no idea you had physical disabilities. It had come through in your blog…or I wasnt picking up on it.
I have mentioned it at times @Iwill, but it doesn’t define me. It’s just a little bit of me. In summary, I run with an energy deficit. I can do anything you like, briefly, but things exhaust me way more than others.
Thus, I love fully supported sexual positions, and one of the reasons I love sex so much is that even if my body is broken, I can be moved into a position I can be fucked. And they do, and it makes me feel great, even whilst being reminded how shit my body is. And the amount they do it and the amount they cum makes me realise they think it’s great too. Even with a broken body, I’m a good fuck, and I’m really proud of that.
I don’t know you of course but it’s your attitude Miss Kinky.
You’ve remained positive about things and you look for ways to make things possible instead of looking for reasons you can’t so do something and that makes all the difference in the world.
Both my husband and I are neurodivergent and I am disabled. I have recently bought one of those inflatable sex position pillows with handles to see if it helps us try new positions more comfortably (I have joint and tendon issues) I haven’t tried it yet but I will report back when we do.
I find that wands and toys with longer handles are fantastic when you are stiff and have trouble moving and reaching like I do. I particularly love glass dildos with the “tail” on the end as it adds an extra bit of reach is easy to grip. For example I adore the Lovehoney Tentacle Textured Sensual Glass Dildo.
Sex toys in general have helped us a lot in our sex life. Just exploring them and talking about them with others here has helped me feel more comfortable and alive in my own body at a time in my life when I thought my best years were behind me.
@KinkyMira All credit to you for maintaining such a positive attitude and for still being such a very naughty kinky girl.
@HermanHuge @Iwill Thanks for the nice things you said. I wasn’t always like this. I had some family based shit in my earlier years, and I wasn’t positive etc. Not going into all that, but having the love of a really good supportive man made all the difference. And all the sex, all the kink, all came from me finding who I really am and I’m making the most of what I’ve got whilst I’ve still got it.
@KinkyMira You are certainly the Gold Standard for Positivity. Something may not be possible due to your health but you find a way so that you can do it. With your blog and your comments, you are bloody good at it as well. A true inspiration.
We’re currently testing a toy and have been surprised at just what a difference good ergonomic design makes. Looking stylish is great and likely improves sales, but if it makes it awkward to hold in normal use then its not working.
@KinkyMira Way to go, you. I’m sure i can safely say,you have inspired a number of members on the forum , with your sexual appetite.