Hi , iv had alot of problems over the years when it’s come to sex and a certain positions in sex. I love to try new toys, new positions, been daring, indoor/outdoor sex, I’m up for anything, you name it iv done it . my partner thinks that’s the only thing i ever want to talk about or that sex is the only thing on my mind.
He is never up for it. This is the biggest problem in our relationship, when ever I have an issue I talk to him straight away, especially about sex, I’m always the one that comes onto him, touches him , gives him oral , he never gives me oral and i have asked why he wont and he wont tell me , he use to do it all the time with his ex’s and he said they both loved it , so why he wont do it to me is very upsetting. I spice sex up with toys. Outfits, roleplay, iv tried playing games. He doesn’t want any of it. I have told him how I feel on it all and he’s told me he’s not into it. But hes complained the sex is boring ans i have tried everything and hes not put any effort into the sex at all . Anyways when we do have sex , one of his favourite positions is either doggy style with me bent over or I’m layed down, I do reverse cowgirl , or I’m spooning him and our legs are in different positions, now, he has a small penis , it’s not very big, some positions is hard as he’s not gor the length to do them, i am the only one who asks “how do you want me or the sex” he never asks me how I want it. He always wants it when I’m behind but I don’t feel anything from behind , I feel nothing , iv relaxed , got into different positions, nothing has worked , is there a toys you highly recommend so I can enjoy this positions as much as he does , because when ever he does it from behind or I’m doing him from behind , when he climaxes , I have to finish myself off , he never finishes me and its not fair, if I had a toy that is highly recommend, please let me know and I will buy one. I’m fed up of using vibrators to finish myself off . Thank you
My first questions: how long have you guys been together? You say this has always been a problem, so has he ever wanted sex with you? Who asked who out? Does he work? If so, how stressful is his work?
I hope you won’t mind, I’m just trying to get more of an understanding of what might be going on here
@B.666 good lord…..well for one as the others stated hello and welcome. I’m new to this forum as well and the information I’ve gotten just in the few days on here has helped me greatly. Second I don’t want to pry too much but has something drastic happened between the two of you recently? A big argument or a devastating discovery either one of you have made (infidelity comes to mine). From personal experience, kind of sounds like he has checked out for some reason. Being a guy looking at it from the outside, that’s what it feels like to me
I’m sorry for the struggles you’re experiencing. Sounds like a lot of imbalance and under-appreciating going on from his part. Others have already asked how long you’ve been together and some of those questions, which I agree are relevant.
If all else was equal, I would want to provide encouragement that there’s no shame to provide whatever stimulation you need during sex to enjoy it and get the finish you want! Unless you’ve previously been someone to orgasm just from PIV (with other partners), it’s not abnormal to not cum just from penetration! Our go-to position is missionary with my wife rubbing her clit to orgasm, or using her favorite toy - the We-Vibe Melt. We usually cum together - I don’t ever think of it as “finishing herself off.” But then, we also enjoy oral together and seem to have more communication built around mutual respect and desire for each other to experience pleasure. Maybe try touching yourself or bringing out a vibe from the very start! If nothing else it will force your partner to actually respond to your desires.
I was just going back to the top and saw this -
This is a classic response from somebody who just is the lower desire partner - not that there’s anything inherently wrong with that: most things in life if you pair up, one person will want it more than the other. No value there, just a fact. You may both want it a lot, but somebody always wants it more.
Anyway - I am sorry that your partner doesn’t seem very committed to your satisfaction and I hope you’ll receive some guidance - here or elsewhere - to force some movement and resolution.
Welcome to the forum! It sounds like you have come to the right place for advice. I know when I went through a very down period sex became something that I didn’t think about. Like my desire for sex practically disappeared. Your OH may be experiencing some issues they haven’t shared with you and the buil up emotionally is taking a toll elsewhere. As for positions etc maybe that is just their go to as they think it’s good. There are many amazing toys on here that would help, rings, wands etc. have a good look through then come back and ask about ones you like the look of. Hopefully one of the many amazing people here can help. Fingers crossed all goes well.
Hello thank you for your warm welcome. We have been together nearly 3 years . And have known each other over 4 years we were friends first. And some of the ex he has had. I know , and they have both been fully open with what they did in sex and what he is into. He made the effort to have sex with me for the first 6 months after that it’s all been a full shut down. He is a manager , but not high up. He works in fire protection he says his job is stressful but he’s sat down alot or driving. He is 28 .
Hello thank you for the warm welcome , he is OK outside of the bedroom we go out for meals and day trips , do the usual. He knows what we’re is on my mind I will address it , I don’t hide anything from him. We have been together 3 years this November, a year into the relationship I found he was texting women and letting them flirt with him , send pictures of themselfs naked and in sexy clothes, I confronted him and told him I wasn’t happy we talked about tht , then last year he got rid of his social media accounts and his email address as he was getting women message him inappropriate comments and pictures and he hid them from me , I looked at his phone and found it all , again I blew my lid and we have talked that out. But now he says the sex is boring but I’m the only one making the effort in the relationship, interms of sex . He won’t touch me , grope me, spice the sex up. He doesn’t want me in outfits or go down on me like he did with his ex’s , he just doesn’t want to spice it up, he won’t do role play and he won’t finish me if we do have sex , iv been told to go to bed and go to sleep when I wear anything sexy and iv been told to use my toys if I’m horney or need finishing . If we do have sex he wants it from behind so I have to finish myself off as I don’t feel anything from behind , I want something i will get pleasure while he’s having sex with me from behind . I want a recommend toy . There’s so many I don’t want a rubbish one.
Coming from a guy’s perspective, honestly flat out ask him if he’s still attracted to you. I know it’s something difficult to do, but my wife and I have gone through the same phase of things so I can kind of understand both of your sides. Communication is absolutely key for bouncing back from something like this.
Even not high up, stress can kill a man’s libido - my husband works in building regulations and work stress can take a huge toll on him too. Does he masturbate that you’re aware of? It’s one thing if he’s meeting his needs without you, it’s another if he’s simply too stressed for sexual activity.
That’s been my fear too but I’ve wanted to work through other, less drastic possibilities first… but thankyou for coming barrelling in with that possibility
Thank you for your warm welcome , as its a toy I need from when he takes me from behind I don’t just want any toy I want a good one so I grt pleasure when he gets it . As I don’t feel anything from behind , I just feel pleasure when I’m on top facing him or he’s on top facing me
@B.666 I just noticed the part you added about him talking to other girls, twice. Sweetheart I’m going to give it to you straight: you need to dump him; he is cheating on you, he is using you and he is abusing you. He is not innocent in other girls sending him pictures and flirting with him, most likely he’s encouraging the behaviour - he keeps you because you’ll still have sex witb him. He doesn’t believe you have the strength to walk away, and how do I know this? I had a poly ex who did the same to his wife, he abused me too because I wouldn’t physically cheat on her with him. He made out she was boring and awful, she wasn’t the problem, he was. They are.
Don’t do this to yourself. You deserve better, much better. Get rid of him, get yourself a good toy, recognise your worth and go get yourself a man who won’t let you leave the room until he’s gotten you off at least once
And for all that is holy, don’t have sex with him again: he doesn’t deserve you or your body.
‘Don’t do this to yourself. You deserve better. *Much* better. Get rid of him and go get yourself a man who won’t let you leave the room until he’s gotten you off at least once ’
A clit sucker such as a Womanizer might help you orgasm when he’s taking you doggy. But honestly if he isn’t interested in your pleasure, or perhaps more importantly that his behaviour is hurting you emotionally, you need a new partner not a new sex toy.
I know that’s a harsh statement but you only live one life, do your utmost to ensure it’s a life with real love. xx
I communicate all the time to him, I never stop , I’m always telling him why don’t you touch me , why don’t you suck me off, why don’t you want sex , when I’m naked or in sexy outfits or my underwear why don’t you touch me . Why don’t we do forplay , why dont you want to use toys , or want to be daring . Why am I making all the effort in the relationship when it comes to sex . He just says he’s not into it and if I want it iv to go get it he won’t stop me . But when we have sex he wants it either reverse cowgirl or doggy style and I don’t feel anything from behind iv tried relaxing , different positions, cushions, pillow, nothing works . So this is why I want a TOY tht is recommended for a when we do it in a behind positions.
My horrible instinct is both of these positions mean you’re not facing him, and he’s not looking at you. They’re impersonal, you could be anyone. Surely you want to be someone to somebody?
