I would tell him and I would hope it would be a turn on for him, I think it is for most guys now and I don’t think it is surprising that many / most ladies like to use sex toys nowadays.
I’d thought about it before but got my first toy during lockdown. We don’t live together so the only we could do together was watch each other masturbate over video so my boyfriend already knew I did this. One time I must have got really into it and just told him I needed to get a dildo or something! He said get one so that’s exactly what I did and I wish I had got one a couple of years earlier!
definately have a sit down and talk to him , explain to him how you feel and let him see the vibrator , he may just get back in the saddle ( so to speak ) once he knows as he might just take an interest in using it with you . if not at least he will know what you are doing when it buzzes away .
Toy-wise I’d get a good bullet. Depending on your budget I’d say either the new We-Vibe Tango or the Mantric bullet. Both are small and fairly quiet for furtive wanking and are probably the best you can get.
Talk-wise? Well, I’d definitely tell him you’d like to buy one (if he hasn’t discovered your new best friends yet). Maybe sit next to him with Lovehoney open on your laptop. Maybe on the lingerie pages if he used to be into it.
This might be a good opener to a discussion about how he’s feeling about sex. He’s getting to the age where his testosterone is in decline. Performance anxiety is a self-fulfilling prophecy that can leave men (and women) miserable and too anxious to try having sex. Another way to tell is to take a look at how he is in general. Is he moody/depressed? Is he lacking energy? These are classic low-testosterone symptoms.
It’s an easy fix, though. A quick trip to the GP and a blood test and if he’s low the GP will prescribe male HRT. That should sort the problem quickly.
If he doesn’t want to visit the GP you could try showing him toys like Lovehoney’s Ignite masturbator or one of the Hot Octopus Pulse toys. Many men don’t realise that they don’t need an erection to orgasm. If he’s struggling like this these toys can be a game-changer in getting his confidence back.
If it’s not physical the best remedy is to talk. You could try telling him his lack of interest makes you feel unloved. No accusations or insults, just focus on how you feel. Pick a good time for you to talk, though. My hormones rule my mouth so I try to keep sensitive topics for after my PMS-horror week or conversations can rapidly turn unpleasant.
Well… I’m a guy. There could be so many reasons why he’s not into Sex at the minute. We are all different people everyday. Moods hormones, health all have a role to play. Best thing is try and start a dialog about it. Have a chat. Sometimes watching porn can have an effect of closing out a partner. If he/she are getting their rocks off watching porn then there’s no steam left to do it together. Watching porn regularly can have negative as well as positive effects depending on your reasons for use. Using toys without his knowing? It wouldn’t bother me, actually it would turn me on if my OH had such an interest in self pleasure. Self pleasure and masturbation is very healthy and is superb for psychological sexual wellbeing. If you don’t use it you will lose it. See it as a workout, but you are just using a Vibrator. I use self pleasure for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes to help me sleep. I edge a lot (which I kinda like) which I’ve learnt it can have a huge effect on how I control my libido. I can turn my libido up or down… Its totally within my control. Its a superb thing. I would think its better to tell him, but it’s no biggy if you don’t. Especially if you’ve tried to tell him. At the end if the day try and get him to talk. Ask him why. If he’s not in shape he could have erectile problems which for most men is the end of the world. 40’s is still very young. I’m approaching mid 50’s and very happy with my Sex life, actually it’s getting better…
Each situation is different but I would tell him so there are no secrets. For me COVID lockdowns were a good excuse as we don’t live together and I told my boyfriend that I would like to try a vibrator. He was very excited by the idea!
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