It’s been a while since I’ve been on the LH forums. I recently bought a load of things for myself and remembered this place exists so I figured I’d pop by. Things have changed a lot since I was last here!
I’m curious to know if anyone who was/is in a long-term/live-in relationship during the last year and a half found that covid played a part in damaging it?
Without thinking about it too much, you would assume being stuck in lockdown would mean less going out, so more time spent together in the house doing couple-y things, probably more sex, more bonding etc. Maybe that was the case for some, but I officially left my long-term relationship this year. I think being stuck in the house together pretty much 24/7 was actually a bad thing for us anyway.
It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what went wrong and get it into words. I think not being able to see family or friends for such a long time (well more specifically only seeing one person) is quite draining in a way. Like, as much as you love your SO, going from seeing them a few hours most days to being around them all day ever day, it’s almost like… overexposure? Hard to put into words. I think our relationship was already a little bit strained before lockdown started so it was kind of a domino effect. I think we sought some independence while living together, which kind of spiralled into becoming far too distant and losing our spark, meanwhile we both acted like things were fine for far too long and not addressing our feelings until it was too late. Lesson learned I guess. It’s a bit shit, but that’s life and we deal with it as best we can.
Curious to see if this is relatable for anyone or if anyone’s had a similar experience in recent times?
I just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear about the breakdown of your relationship. I hope you’re ok.
My partner and I are super close and lockdown pushed us closer together but at the same time it did put a big strain on my partners mental health. He’s doing so much better again now though. xx
I’m glad to hear it. I suppose one part of the story I didn’t really explain is that our mental health suffered too. Again, not one deciding factor but definitely one of many contributors to it breaking down.
I am doing ok!. It’s been a few months since we officially split, and to be honest the conversation we had to discuss splitting up was so long overdue that it actually ended up not being as painful as expected. I think we’re both happier separated so it was definitely for the best.
One fun ‘upside’ of all this is I get to find out what ‘dating’ is and trying to figure out how to put myself out there, because I basically spent most of my adult life in one long relationship! It’s all new and strange and exciting haha.
I am aware for alot of people…the cracks that were there and were painted over and filled in over the years suddenly became very very obvious and looked too big to bother to fill…
Relationships were forced and no outlets for anyone meant the little things seemed bigger and were more than magnified.
Haha I already am enjoying just idk, casual chatting to people, flirting, all that stuff. Sounds lame but I guess to me it’s all new! And of course, there’s no pressure to get into anything serious any time soon so I have plenty of time to see what’s out there.
So sorry to hear of your split from your partner. Covid has definitely put pressure on relationships.
I can only speak from experience but with my ex we lived apart (albeit close by) and would often fall out over whose coming to stay where, constantly packing bags all the time so we agreed to move in together, I thought it’ll solve the fallings out but it didn’t. We just fell out about other things instead and ended up correctly breaking up.
My partner now, we lived about two hours apart pre pandemic and when lockdown hit I drove to hers and we’ve lived together pretty much every night since. So we went from spending most weekends together to every day together. We’ve now bought a house and I’m happy and relaxed in her company. The caveats are she goes to work, I work from home, we both go out independently and we’re lucky enough to have the room for me to watch sports whilst she watches something else elsewhere. We do row and fall out but I think it’s good to be honest as the ill feelings v rarely linger.
I’m not sure whether this has helped, I doubt it has but my general point is, it’s about finding that partner who is right for you but also retaining some independence even within the home. Classic example, there’s no point me missing an important football match to go and watch a film at the cinema she wants to see just to appease her. I’ll be annoyed I’m missing it, she’ll sense I’m annoyed and be annoyed her self and we’d have a miserable time. So compromise is important but don’t do it all the time otherwise you’ll end up making yourself miserable.
I think with us, we’re both quite introverted people too so we needed our alone time anyway. Which was fine, it worked, but then suddenly having to work from home all day everyday, and her being stuck at home due to being furloughed meant we had very little ‘alone’ time unless we literally just sat in separate rooms for a while haha. It was rough.
@fruitier great post but sorry to hear about your circumstances.
We have joked for years that we work because we don’t spend a lot of time together.
We had fallen into bad habits, eating at different times and often in different places. I’m super close to my family and in hindsight that sometimes wasn’t great for our immediate family dynamics (Mr John would never have said anything). Plus his training takes him out often.
Lockdown forced us to be more of a family unit and it has largely remained that way.
The only downside is the teen is out less so sexy time has to be quiet.
Sorry to hear that, covid has been really tough. Hope you’re doing better now
With us, hubby’s a artic driver so he worked throughout the entire pandemic. I have depression, anxiety and autism, so it was really tough, I live in a flat, which made it worse at times. We have 3 children and 2 of which have autism too. The first few months were the worst, it got to me so bad, but then we could form a support bubble, which we done with my mum, which helped me so much. Hubby was brilliant he done whatever he could for me, supported me so much. And he just knew what to do, even if it was just a cuddle, and I would just break down and cry. Just so lucky to have him, I honestly don’t know what I’d do without him he’s literally my everything.
Mrs Chimp has been getting on my tits a bit with the working from home. Not only is she always ‘there’, but she also generates a lot of extra housework.
I’ve not ditched her yet though, so it can’t be all bad.
OH and myself have more for less worked 99% of the pandemic, and work different shifts so for us it’s been business as usual. However, since thongs opened up, we’ve actually been spending more time together as a.family- which while we have a young child can only be a good thing.
@fruitier hope you’re ok now…you’re really not alone. Hang on in there.
I must add that I think the aftermath has yet to hit us…more and more relationships are on the edge of total breakdown and are struggling… as “back to normal” isn’t “back to normal” and I don’t think it ever can be…what we have been through and how we dealt with it will stay with us forever.
Some relationships are stronger but more are strained or more strained than they were.
And the effect on children? I dread to think a few years down the line.
We haven’t had this experience in our lifetimes so it was new to us all and all our coping mechanisms are different.
Everyone out there take everything one day at a time… Talk talk and talk more… family… friends. You got this.
For me yes the lockdowns played havoc on my love life and even though I’m not in a relationship, I am into someone very much which not being able to meet them for going on 2 year now has been crazy!!
It’s been so testing on both sides and Only now am I finding things moving forwards a little better…
Needless to say I can see exactly what you mean about being stuck together too much. One thing has certainly been proven in how enduring many relationships are.
Almost like a Big Brother effect where everything is heightened when stuck in a small space!
Covid has ruined a lot of relationships around me, and even my own one, I was just starting to see someone and then we went into lockdown. Couldn’t see each other for months and that annoyed them us lot, especially paired with their mental health, but we found ways to meet. But we weren’t able to see each other enough and he ended up hooking up with someone in his area, so that was fun
But since then I’ve been exploring what I am into and have been able to find out new things about myself and even people around me since I’ve become more comfortable with talking about bedroom stuff, so it’s not all bad
COVID definitely has made a lot of things about life just THAT much harder. I said at the beginning that if we’d gone into lockdown mode before we’d had kids it would have just about been the time of our lives - would have spent the whole spring hibernating with our streaming queue and sex at every hour, the summer hiking about and being outdoors, then back under the covers in winter again. Instead, we had a 1 and 4 year old (now 3 and 6) and everything was very hard.
For myself, it amplified my indulgence to addiction, which amplified my anxiety, depression, anxiety, and then back and forth to a big ball of wax until everything unraveled about 3 months into our family isolation.
I’ve now been in counseling for a the last year and a half and in a lot of ways we’re healthier and more connected than ever. And some things are still hard - just harder to be in date night rhythms and all that, still limits to what we can do as a family - haven’t been away from the kids for more than 1 night since our 2nd came along.
So all that to say, for me and our family, COVID kinda was a pressure cooker for the unhealthy stuff under the surface, and we’ve committed to working it out - I’ve owned it and committed to working it out. But it hasn’t been easy, that’s for sure.
well as mentioned i’m happy to read the success/perseverance stories, and sad to read the unsuccessful ones too. so long as we keep our chins up, I’m sure things will work out for us all, one way or another. covid/lockdown really has been an unprecedented test on people.
There’s lots to enjoy. xx
