My OH has been very stressed out recently and is a bit short tempered at times. He has a 9-5 Mon-Fri job which isn't a particularly stressful one in itself but it's the lack of sleep and lack of spare time to do things like gym and chores that is really getting to him.
Does anyone have any advice on how to juggle work, sleep and life? We are a young couple so neither of us are very experienced with full time jobs so there's only so much advice I can give. How do you manage to balance work with life and remain destressed and happy? 
Lack of sleep and lack of spare time in a 9-5 Monday to Friday job? Lack of sleep and spare time? I realise I'm going to sound awfully harsh, but I simply don't know what to advise - if the job itself isn't stressful per se, then about the only thing he can do is work part-time. Not to be depressing, but I'm afraid this really is as good as it gets in full-time employment. Probably don't tell him that. because it will not make him feel better though!
Perhaps you could encourage him to go to the gym before work or in his lunchbreak? If he has a long commute and is using public transport, maybe he could use this time for a quick power nap, especially after work, to refresh him for the evening. Could he run errands on the way to or from work, if that's eating in to his spare time? And can you maybe organise chores between you so that you are either doing them together, at the same time (do he doesn't feel he's missing out on time with you) or take stuff in turns day by day, so every other day he gets some "extra" time? Is there a way he can make his work-out more efficient, so he needs to spend less time at the gym for the same results?
It might also be just a case of getting used to a new routine - if it's fairly recent he's been in full-time employment, perhaps he just has to get in to the swing of things and the routine of getting up at 6, home at 8 and all that? It's not the same as university or college, because you've got to be far more committed and have far less flexibility, and some people do take a while to adjust. The only other thing I can suggest is mindfulness - essentially, being in the moment and aware all the time, which can help with stress (if you google it, there's lots of free online resources, and there may be somewhere near you that does free classes too).
To be honest, I think it's his perspective that makes it seem worse to him. Things which I would call relaxing, e.g. spending time with friends, shopping or cooking, he classes as not relaxing, so to him it seems like he has much less time for himself than he actually does.
Well I really don't know what to suggest as it is not implied that there is any responsabilities apart from work to be fulfilled. It should be easy, I think.
My boyfriend works in the night shift from 12am to 8am, sleeps during the day and yet we still find the time to do the things we like. Granted, I don't have a steady job as for now I am only working as a freelancer and in the remaining time I am taking care of my dissertation, but we share chores and we sleep the 6-8 hours and everything's ok. Even when I was at uni full time I found the time to get more two extra classes (7 hours a week) and gym, and had to walk everywhere as I don't have a car.
I am not saying that I am better than you or anything, I am just trying to convey that maybe you should both just take it easy for a while and think about what you really want to do and how to manage it. Sometimes people distract themselves with useless activities that are time consuming (ex: social networks) and when they realise it's already too late to do other things and they are not going to sleep enough neither. I am not saying this is your situation but if there isn't anything else besides the job, maybe you should stop and think about it. Be honest with yourselves and then try to do what you really want first, trying to avoid distractions.
Regarding the stress, you only need to understand that it's perfectly normal to go to work in that schedule, everyone's doing it, and you need to get the most out of your day on a daily basis, and not in the looking-forward-to-the-weekend mindset like a lot of people do.
I can only tell you, I wish I had a 9-5 job. At 5pm there's still a lot of time to do so many things and the most time consuming routine you may have is commuting to work. I say this in a kind way, not in a evil way. I'm just trying to help :)
To be honest, I think it's his perspective that makes it seem worse to him. Things which I would call relaxing, e.g. spending time with friends, shopping or cooking, he classes as not relaxing, so to him it seems like he has much less time for himself than he actually does.
So perhaps for a little while you could allow him the free time for this?
Do the shopping online (Once you do it once, most supermarket websites remember your order and you can repeat it regularly with ease and minimal effort)
Cook dinner for when he gets home so that it's not using up his free time?
& Ask him before you invite friends over how he's feeling that day etc or ask your friends to leave before he comes home so that he can just unwind.
It is hard, but it's better than being on JSA and with a little work and settling from both sides it's manageable x
I think you are right about it being his perspective that is the problem. In reality, he has a LOT of free time. Including the whole weekend. It sounds like he needs to suck it up and realise that is his work life and just get on with it. Sounds like he needs to tweak his bedtime to get rip of the grump, remember too much sleep is as bad as too little!
Is this is a new job? Usually it does take some time to get into a routine and it'll make you feel super tired for around a month until he gets used to it. But if not, I agree with others, he needs to suck it up and get on with it. I seriously wish my husband only worked 9-5. In the next 10 days he has scheduled one day off, sometimes he leaves home at 6.30 in the morning, other times he doesn't get home until 9pm. Don't get me wrong, he'll talk about how stressful his day was, but he's working in a very fast paced environment and has to be responsible for a lot of people so it's a given that things will get rough. Not only that, but even when he's home he's stressing about something he needs to do the next day, or a meeting a few days away, or checking his emails. But I just try and be there for him and listen to him.
In my eyes, he sounds pretty lucky that he's got a 9-5 job and has the full weekend off. I think he needs to try and not be as negative about things and try and look at the positives. I like someone's suggestion of looking into some mindfulness excersises. That might help him.
I have to chime in with the others who say that he's actually pretty damn lucky! My OH runs his own company - so a work day for him usually started at 9am and would continue long into the night, usually finished around 10-11pm. Granted, he worked from home - but his business was his sole focus. Recently, we've had some problems, so to subsidise our income, he's gone out to do contract work from 9-6pm and then spends 6-11pm working on other things as soon as he gets home.
Weekends are usually taken up with bits of work as well. And yet, despite all this, we still manage to find time together, as well as looking after a very demanding pug. I wish we had more time, but we make it work.
If the job is really that bad - then find a new one. But it would seem he does actually have plenty of free time, he's just not utilising it very well. I mean, what does he do every day when he gets in from work? What does he do at the weekend?
I find having some thing fun to look forward too can really help perhaps if you can book something nice for a dirty weekend to get his mood boosted, or if you dont have the funds then perhaps a meal out Friday or something wear something ultra sexy and hint to him about it.
I find sex, weights at the gym is enough to destroy my stress I think I'm a simple male :)
i would have to agree with fitnessfreak and sassykitten as im a chef and in the millitary so my sleep pattern is all over the place so its hard for family time and the wife but i find the gym is a realy good destresser when its been a bad day that and a nice hot bath and snuggle with the wife. sex happens when it happens now but my god its good when it happens
i would have to agree with fitnessfreak and sassykitten as im a chef and in the millitary so my sleep pattern is all over the place so its hard for family time and the wife but i find the gym is a realy good destresser when its been a bad day that and a nice hot bath and snuggle with the wife. sex happens when it happens now but my god its good when it happens
Fitnessfreak wrote:
sassykitten;) wrote:
Agree with fitnessfreak... Something to look forward to helos the week past faster. ?.. he needs to look at ut differently I.e the money...
I only see my bf on the weekend, n on the rare occasion 1 extra day during the week.?
We both work long hours his destress us the gym after work n mine well i work longer hours so mine sleeping lol x
Weekends only that must be hard although weekends are probebly top as your excited to see each other.
Yeah its hard n like u cockiecum sex happen when it happens.. make things harder that we both live with our parents .. so we have to pick our timing n make sure no ones gunna burst in ... such a turn off but we enjoy being with eachother... think you just have to bear with it... I do sometimes thing wish we lived together (although only been together like 4 months) n had 9-5 jobs would be sooo easy ...
i would have to agree with fitnessfreak and sassykitten as im a chef and in the millitary so my sleep pattern is all over the place so its hard for family time and the wife but i find the gym is a realy good destresser when its been a bad day that and a nice hot bath and snuggle with the wife. sex happens when it happens now but my god its good when it happens
Fitnessfreak wrote:
sassykitten;) wrote:
Agree with fitnessfreak... Something to look forward to helos the week past faster. ?.. he needs to look at ut differently I.e the money...
I only see my bf on the weekend, n on the rare occasion 1 extra day during the week.?
We both work long hours his destress us the gym after work n mine well i work longer hours so mine sleeping lol x
Weekends only that must be hard although weekends are probebly top as your excited to see each other.
Yeah its hard n like u cockiecum sex happen when it happens.. make things harder that we both live with our parents .. so we have to pick our timing n make sure no ones gunna burst in ... such a turn off but we enjoy being with eachother... think you just have to bear with it... I do sometimes thing wish we lived together (although only been together like 4 months) n had 9-5 jobs would be sooo easy ...
Yea dont rush 4 months isnt long plus paying household bills add up and more stress and potential relationship issues, but then you can have sex on the dinning room table if you want without ever the worry of someone seeing. I was with my wife for 4-5 years before we moved in together although we pretty much see eachother every night.
All the posts in this thread are making me glad I'm not ambitious and that I gave up the fantasy of working in the film industry long ago, couldn't imagine coping with ridiculous hours. Jobs demand too much don't they?