Hi, I know this is rather boring but a niece once said the best present she had when she came out of hospital was some prepared meals that went in the freezer. She didnt need to think about things just microware and eat. i think because she was so tired /busy with baby. I know its not a great idea but practical. I would buy the baby a teddy bear. Again no imagination. @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x
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I liked having snacks as meals went out of thw window for me. My mum also bought me my favourite drinks to make sure I kept hydrated. If breastfeeding, pjs that open easily were handy, especially when its cold! I loved having proper button up pjs and dressing gown to be snug when feeding. Even if she has some, extras are good since washing waits a bit longer and baby sick/milk coming back up.
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@MsSubExperimenter @KinkyMira @Deanna32 @steve19 @Cupcake2 - thanks all for the replies! Definitely agree that it should very much be focussed on her. Some comfy loungewear sounds like a really good idea, some pamper bits and snacks. Sheās fiercely independent and I know sheāll always decline offers of practical help but Iāll certainly offer.
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meals for sure and once everyone has gone back to work etc make a date for lunch as gets a bit lonely and isolating a few weeks down the track. Dispossable incontinence pants a life saver and padsicles for sore vagina
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Make sure you tell her itās an open offer. And bring it up a week or two later. Amazing what a stretch of sleep deprivation does to oneās fierce independence.
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@hwmorehead This is very true, even simple things like taking a shower can be an ordeal when theres a new born in the house plus once a few weeks have passed everyone settles back into their own routine meaning less visitors and it can be a lonely time for someone with a newborn.
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@MsSubExperimenter - following your post from another thread, I was wondering if you would be happy to share more details about this with me. I have some concerns about someone very close to me, Iāve been doing some research but itās not that simple to understand and know whether they have autism or adhd. They definitely display some of the signs but itās still unclear to me. I donāt need to label them as such, but I really want to understand them deeper, be there for them and be able to fully support them as they go through this difficult life as a teenager.
If you think back to when you were a young teenager, is there any advice that you think you would love to have received to help you deal with school, lack of solid friendships or going through certain tricky situations?
Sorry for the long post and for picking your brains, but I havenāt a clue as I have no experience with this.
Iām so happy that youāve learned to embrace your differences now, and that you feel so positively. Thatās great to hear 
Imagine how amazing it would have been for you to feel this way many years ago so you didnāt spend so much time feeling unhappy or like an outsider x
Sorry to hear that @KinkyMira, they are just a brunch of wankers.
@Cupc8kes, hope youāre sitting comfortably 
Iām absolutely happy to help as much as I can! Not sure how much help itāll be! (Trying to think back to the 90s haha) Iām glad you asked 
I suppose being an only child, I was used to my own company and was never really bothered about going out and playing with other kids. Iāve always had an active imagination so would rather spend time in my head than trying to make friends. Looking back, how much of that was my neurodiversity and how much was situational Iāll probably never know, but hindsight tells me it was most likely the former.
I think because of that, I was an easy target for bullies because I didnāt have the āgangā of friends that you tend to move up with. I was lucky when I got to upper school because I met my best friend (will call him Matt) and we became close really quickly. With him, it was easy. It made sense.
There were a group of six of us, teachers pets I guess, who were more interested in learning than being popular. We all got on okay but it was definitely three distinct pairs. Heās the only school friend Iām still in touch with and weāre as close as ever after 26 years (Damn that makes me feel old! ). I mentioned my thoughts about being autistic to him at the beginning of the year and he just looked at me and said, āWell duh. We both are.ā
School is hard and kids are cruel. People gang together because theyāre scared, feel the need to conform and fit in. Iāve found that the majority of school friendships are friendships of convenience and circumstance rather than genuine āoh hey, I like you.ā They may well be envious of the few people that march to the beat of their own drum and donāt need the validation of being part of the cool kids club. (Even if they desperately want to be part of it).
Itās a head start on real adult life.
People say school is the best years of your life? Bullshit if you ask me. For a neurotypical person, maybe it is, but for me it wasnāt.
I honestly feel like Matt is the first real friend I ever had. The first friend who I chose, who just āgotā me and liked me for me, not using/emotionally abusing me.
I hope your person finds their Matt, because quality of friends is DEFINITELY more important than quantity!
I always used to fidget - doodle, pick my scalp, dig my nails into my skin, play with my jewellery etc. I got checked for anaemia at one point because I kept zoning out. Now I have various fidget toys everywhere and they really do help me focus and concentrate.
I never dated in school, to this day have only had two relationships - both long distance and I think they were more invested than me. I had absolutely no interest in living together or getting closer and still canāt imagine living with a partner, so canāt really give any advice on that side of things.
Sorry for the ramble (I hope some of it was relevant and useful) but in summary, I think just reassurance that they are amazing, strong and unique. Affirming that itās not easy. Being different takes strength. Itās a lot easier to conform, or pretend (mask) so youāre proud of how strong they are. A reminder that there might be things they dislike about themselves, but those are qualities that some of the other sheep wish they had. It might be a bit rubbish now, but the rigidity of school ends at 18 (ish) and then theyāre most likely going to leave the people from school in their rear view mirror and be able to explore what the world has to offer their unique self. Their time will come 
Maybe try and engage about things they are into/fixated on. Is there something that they might be interested in a career in? Can you encourage/get involved in developing that passion? Try and learn to celebrate the superpower rather than resent it.
There are thousands of strands of hay in a haystack, but no-one wants those - everyone wants the needleā¦ why? Because itās different. Both are equally useful, but not for the same things, and the needle is inherently more valuable due to its rarityā¦ be proud to be the needle! 
Anything else you want to know, feel free to ask 
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You story has a fair few similarities to mine, although I am not an only child and had friends at school that i am still in touch with after 50+ years.
I know we both love our rescue dogs and have always felt a connection to animals especially dogs, and it has been pointed out to me that itās because they are so uncomplicated personality-wise.
I value quality over quantity when it comes to friends and i have one friend in particular who i message daily and who āgetsā me and vice versa.
That friend is on the spectrum too.
Thatās very true about dogs!
Iāve used the term that certain people resonate with me and since then Iāve read/heard that there is a school of thought that people on the spectrum do have a slightly different energy frequency.
Iām far from an expert in the field, only in my own experiences.
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Definitely think itās called a spectrum for a reason and if you meet someone who shares your wavelength you know.
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Wow, sounds so similar to me. I had one friend through school and another during sixth form and now I look back I wouldnāt be surprised if we were all neurodiverse. At uni I met my now husband and didnāt feel the need to meet lots of other people. I donāt enjoy large groups of people but form close bonds with one or two friends. Iāve never had an autism assessment but from meeting others who are on the spectrum and doing some reading, Iām fairly sure that Iām autistic. I donāt really care about getting a diagnosis but i really wish I could meet others to talk about life because Iām really struggling and want to learn how to cope and move forward. Iām having counselling at the moment but itās early days and i find it very difficult to explain how Iām feeling! At the moment my biggest issues are sensory - i feel like someone has turned up the volume controls in my brain and the world is on steroids (Christmas obviously isnāt helping). I also struggle with work because I find it difficult to accept that I canāt be perfect and i get so overwhelmed that I end up having a breakdown. Anyway, thanks for sharingā
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Sounds familiar, i strive for perfection and struggle if i canāt achieve it or others arenāt doing the tasks to my standards. Itās taken me a while to realise nothing and nobody is perfect and to let things i canāt change go. I just focus on doing what i do to the best of my ability.
With friends Itās quality over quantity with me.
I havenāt had a formal diagnosis either, but my friend has vast knowledge and experience, so if they can recognise my traits thatās good enough for me.
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@Kitty-Cat01 @WillC I havenāt had a formal diagnosis either, am on the waiting list but itās about 2 years. From the research Iāve done and talking to friends who are on the spectrum/parents of spectrum kids, there are so many boxes ticked.
When I spoke to my doctor about being referred, I gave him a long list of reasons why I thought I was and he looked over it and agreed it sounded likely but that he couldnāt give a diagnosis.
I think I want an official diagnosis just for peace of mind, kind of reassurance that Iām not making it up. I know Iām not; but self-doubt is my constant companion!
I too have a small circle of close friends and am happy with that. I find it hard to bond and trust people. It takes a lot for me to let people in.
I also get the perfection thing. I get so frustrated and annoyed when people donāt share my work ethic or donāt pay attention to detail. My job is to quality check other peopleās work (suits me down to the ground) because Iām actually paid to pick up mistakes 
If I make a mistake, I beat myself up way more than anyone else does!
@Kitty-Cat01 socialising in big groups is hell. āMattā has an annual birthday do at his place and I only tend to go if thereās a place I can hide. I can socialise for about half an hour but then I need to hide for at least half an hour before I can brave it again.
Sensory for me tends to be more food textures and the odd noise/smell.
One of the main things Iāve learned is to be kind to myself and try and work with my quirks rather than trying to fight them.
Sending hugs am always happy to talk about my experiences of stuff like this, if it can help someone else then so much the better
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Taste and texture in certain foods is a big one for me too.
Hate social gatherings but in a small group i am fine.
Always punctual and hate people who arenāt.
Thereās a long list of habits and preferences that until pointed out by my friend, i hadnāt realised were traits.
I have no urge to get a medical diagnosis as i have got to nearly 60 without one. I am just grateful to understand myself a bit more!
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Ditto! I also have a āMattā in my life, I tend to avoid these occasions if at all possible. Heās very understanding!
Food is a big thing for me too and caused some issues when I was a child. Even now I regularly have a meltdown if i donāt know what Iām having for dinner 
Your job sounds awesome for you. Iām not working at the moment but would like to get well enough to work again soon. Iām trying to find something that suits my skills and doesnāt overwhelm me with too much noise, lights and unpredictable movement. Iāve no idea where to start looking at the moment but hopefully something will turn up.
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@WillC, for many years Iāve struggled on my own mate, but reading a lot of the posts on here Iām wondering if I am suffering with a possible condition, these are just a few examples:
I hate loud noises, kids screaming (really hurts my ears) , large gatherings, people getting close to me, I check things over again a lot, I often feel paranoid, Iām anxious most of the time and feel depressed every day.
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You may be on the spectrum too, but rest assured you arenāt alone, and you know you have lots of friends and support here.
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Thanks, appreciate that.
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