I've been with my girlfriend for a number of years but our sex life is pretty much non-existent due to the fact that during intercourse she says she cannot feel my penis enough. I measure 3 inches on a good day. Girth about average.
It's quite disheartening when she is asking me to 'push'/more when I am literally completely inside her (once even my balls went in) This is in missionary position. I actually like other positions, like spooning or 'doggy style' (hate the term) but she says she cannot feel me at all in these positions.
She would never leave me because of my size, which I obviously am thankful for because a crap sex life can (and does) put huge pressure on a relationship.
My question is, what do I need to do to make sex better for her? I always read 'it's not the size but what you do with it etc' and I am sure this may be true but I just don't know what that means - please someone tell me what I can do with it for her?!
She isn't interested in oral sex (she says she prefers the intimacy of intercourse and would love to be penetrated PROPERLY) and anal is also a no-no.
I just don't know what to do and would appreciate any advice from girls who have successfully dealt with a tiny one.
I am thinking about cock ring, but that will only make you bit thicker, but some have a bullet to give the woman some clitoral stimulation. Still it could be worth the try. But not sure what you consider an average, so not sure how girthy you are.
I think there are penis extenders, but not sure how they work. I never tried them. But those would take away the feel of the actually penis inside her.Still it could be used on special occassions.
Wondering why she cannot feel you at all in those positions? maybe Kegel exercisers would help as she could get a bit tighter. And learn to tighten the muscles round you so she could feel you.
Also you can focus bit more on the non intercourse pleasure. I know if she craves the intimacy of intercourse it may be bit harder, but I would suggest to try it. Maybe some clitoral or G-spot toy you can use of her before intercourse. Nothing too big to go inside, but some toys for that are 4 inches or smaller in circumference.
I think it is great she wants to stay with you. Thats a good start.
But I am not an expert so not sure how my advice is valid.
MsGirth Is correct, you need to get her from a tighter angle, maybe get her to lie on her side with her knees together and kind of sitting position. Then go at her so you are side on to her. That should give her some friction.
I really don't get the not being interested in oral bit, Maybe she is worried that if you go down on her that you would expect her to return the favour? might be worth convincing her that you want to go down on her because YOU enjoy it and its not a case of giving in the hope of recieving later.
I really don't get the not being interested in oral bit, Maybe she is worried that if you go down on her that you would expect her to return the favour? might be worth convincing her that you want to go down on her because YOU enjoy it and its not a case of giving in the hope of recieving later.
Some women find oral sex does little to them. I have a friend like that. There are some even round this forum. It is possible. There are even guys who find oral sex does little to them.
I really don't get the not being interested in oral bit, Maybe she is worried that if you go down on her that you would expect her to return the favour? might be worth convincing her that you want to go down on her because YOU enjoy it and its not a case of giving in the hope of recieving later.
Some women find oral sex does little to them. I have a friend like that. There are some even round this forum. It is possible. There are even guys who find oral sex does little to them.
Yeah I guess so, but it's always worth asking just in case. In fact the best thing he could do is tell her how he feels rather than ask on here.
They both might be missing out on a lot of fun just because they lack a little bit of communication.
Hmm. I'm unsure why she says she can't feel you too. The first inch or so in to the vagina is the most sensative (or it is for me at least), so if you say you have a reasonable girth, then there shouldn't be much of a problem. I have been with a man who was quite short, but very girthy, and I found it quite painful for him to insert his girth, but once it was in and my body was accustomed to it, it could feel reasonably pleasurable. Certainly had no problems feeling it.
Maybe try positions where her legs are closed together, like bent over the bed, or missionary, but with her legs up and together?
Yes the vaginal entrance (mainly the front wall towards the stomach) has the most nerve endings, than deeper inside.
You couls always try a penis pump. Some people say that if used often they can increase the size.
Both of you try religiously doing kegels. If she isn't feeling you (and if it helps I sometimes don't feel my OH who is average girth and 7" hard.) definitely try other positions. It is also possible that she has built up something psychological which is barring certain improvements. If after experimenting with tighter positions she still wants 'more' with the intimacy perhaps try a strap on? Possibly combining that with something like a vibrating cock ring for your own enjoyment.
Thank you for the replies and advice, appreciate it :-)
I can't explain why she can't feel me in the first inch, I can certainly manage that (!) Girth isn't the problem I don't think, occasionally it can even be a tiny bit tough to enter her width-wise. She just says she feels like she needs 'more' further inside her.
I definitely think length is the issue here - I would easily trade some width for even an slightly below average length. I have looked at those penis extenders (thanks for the link) and I think it's possible it might help.
My only concern is how this will affect the intimacy, but with the right approach maybe it would work.
I agree there must be some psychological issues in the mix by now too, has been a few years. I've never made her orgasm, and I couldn't be more open and honest about the fact that I'm prepared to do anything to give that to her. It must be really shit for her and she's still with me, thankfully, but occasionally she can be quite nasty about my size. I guess that's bound to happen though.
Anyone had experience with a penis extender? How big should I go? :-/
Thank you for the replies and advice, appreciate it :-)
I can't explain why she can't feel me in the first inch, I can certainly manage that (!) Girth isn't the problem I don't think, occasionally it can even be a tiny bit tough to enter her width-wise. She just says she feels like she needs 'more' further inside her.
I definitely think length is the issue here - I would easily trade some width for even an slightly below average length. I have looked at those penis extenders (thanks for the link) and I think it's possible it might help.
My only concern is how this will affect the intimacy, but with the right approach maybe it would work.
I agree there must be some psychological issues in the mix by now too, has been a few years. I've never made her orgasm, and I couldn't be more open and honest about the fact that I'm prepared to do anything to give that to her. It must be really shit for her and she's still with me, thankfully, but occasionally she can be quite nasty about my size. I guess that's bound to happen though.
Anyone had experience with a penis extender? How big should I go? :-/
Have to admit I'm a little concerned about that comment. It sounds like you're doing a lot to try and make things work sexually between you, there should be no reason at all for her to be nasty.
I don't have any experience in using extenders but I'm sure someone will be along with some advice.
They could well help you and give you that confidence boost you seem to lacking and don't put all the pressure on yourself - part of the issue could well be with her and it would be good to sit down somewhere neutrally and find out whats going on.
There have been quite a few reviews on those products so if you read through them it should help to find personalised answers.
I think I read a review or a post where this person basically switched the lights off and teased their partner into wanting them. They usually used toys because she preferred more girth or something but basically she was pleasantly surprised by him being able to satisfy her through himself (using an extension or sleeve).
I'd suggest looking for something that adds a couple of inches so that it isn't too much of a change. As for intimacy there's nothing stopping you from goin all out on this front with regards to foreplay, touching and teasing. As suggested above I'd implement the extension if you so wish in the dark so there's less pressure on you. I think adding a cock ring with a penis extention may help with the stability but again, it's best to refer to the reviews although there may be people that know more about this here.
As for wanting more length that girth- even people that think they lack girth feel the same way. Be happy with what you have. The trick is getting to do most with what you have. Good luck and let us know how it goes! =]
Edit: I've just noticed that line too by Angel, and I do have to concur with her. Being nasty about something like that isn't very nice and I guess, wouldn't help with your self esteem. Can I just say how great it is that you're actually wanting to make your partner satisfied? I think there should always be mutual respect in all elements including sexual.
Try getting a G-spot dildo - perhaps a nice glass one - that you would use on her while you hold her close and she strokes you. That gives you both intimacy while giving her length.
I would agree that it may be worth trying out playing with more toys. There are strap ons for those with penises, and you can use dildos and male masturbators in ways that creat a lot of intimacy.
Alternativly, could you perhaps get something like this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15392 , insert it into her and then insert yourself after. That could give her the depth she needs while still allowing enough space for you. =)
I agree, she should not be nasty about it. And I agree sitting down is good idea. You need to talk and get to know what does it for you and what she enjoys and what can you try to improve it.
As for orgasms, the question is whether she had one alone or not. If yes, then how. Although some women find oral sex to do little to them, they sometimes do enjoy eg. vibrator on the clitoris. Or you can try to go and get a G spot toy. A glass dildo is not that expensive and I did hear they can be very successful.
Oh and I would not recommend inserting balls in before going into her... It could be bit difficult to get it out... Especially when things get slippery.
Thanks all once again, really nice to hear others thoughts and get some ideas on where to go next.
Re. the being 'nasty' I mentioned, I think she just gets fed up with the situation and only occasionally takes it out on my penis, I mean I get annoyed at her too because her lack of enjoyment feeds a lack of interest in sex which feeds a lack of enjoyment in sex when we do try it. Neither is helpful. I agree however I am all too aware of my shortcomings and it can make me feel pretty low.
When she does find the mood and we're both turned on and we move from lovely foreplay to actual intercourse, I can see her almost visibly deflate when she realises I'm all the way in. We generally try in the missionary position as she says the others do not work.
Someone mentioned a position where she lies on her side, legs together and I enter her on my side - we often revert to this as have read it can help with small penises. Unfortunately, this seems to do literally nothing for her as she says I can barely reach past her 'entrance'. She genuinely once drifted off to sleep briefly! But she insists this position once the missionary has inevitably failed.
Half the trouble is she has semi-given up I think (I don't blame her too much) so even starting a discussion for the umpteenth time can be hard. She was very sexually reserved when we first met, but over the years has slightly come out of her shell - as we explored ways to enjoy sex without intercourse she admitted she once gave a 'footjob' to a boyfriend at secondary school and the idea really gets her off (weird I know, but progress!) so we tried that but I was too small to grip properly (she has big feet for a girl) and so that has failed too. Literally our only sexual activity now is an occasional handjob, and abortive intercourse and abortive 'footjobs' As I've said, she will not seemingly budge on receiving oral. What a mess! :-(
However, I am determined to keep trying, I feel I owe her that at least and having read the reviews for penis extenders I think that is the way to go.
I have a feeling this will still not be enough length (depending upon what I get, will enhance me to 4 inches, or up to 6ish) but I see there are strap ons that are longer too.
I cant also help but reflect on how pathetic it will feel to have to put a fake penis over my tiny one just to satisfy my girl :-(
I don't think that would be much of a problem Lavelia, as they have quite a long, looped cord. =)
I think that you've gotten yourselves into a rut where you think sex is not enjoyable. The truth is that sex, as you are doing it now is not enjoyable.
This may seem a little weird to think about, but there are thousands of sexually fulfilled couples where the man doesn't have a penis and instead was born with female body parts.
It's all about what you are willing to work with and enjoy. It's time for the two of you to rewrite what sex is. Is sex really all about penis in vagina? I don't think it is. I think sex is doing anything and everything that creates some sort of sexual enjoyment.
Perhaps it could be as simple as are or you stimulating her vulva with a hand during penetration?
Another thought - don't even try to penetrate her at present - hold her close and just explore each other and try and take all tension out of it .
See if you can find other ways to satisfy each other that don't need your penis in her vagina .
The more you try to get her to feel your penis , the more it seems to me that you are both encouraging failure - there's a degree of fear there ' Will she feel me ? can I get deep enough ? " and on her side it's " Oh he's entering me - I can't really feel him - go deeper I want to feel him ' and then you both feel " Argh - it's no good AGAIN "
It's getting to be a vicious cycle and it needs to be broken NOW.