Trans-gender support and information hub

[anon62893628]

Yes I can help you with speech, and movement. You say you’ve got some of the movements what are they. I will go through everything I can, but it may help me to know what you have already got down.

I promised @Cassii that I would talk about dating, next, so I’m going to write a post on that today, I will get back to speech, soon, then carry on about my journey. I’m glad to be able to help you. I wish I could show you the difference that hormones have made to my face, perhaps I already a feminine skull. I do have a lot of female anatomical features, my hands and head are small for a man. I don’t have an adam’s apple, my lower legs have that feminine curve to the outside edge. My pelvis as the same tilt that a woman’s does, and it’s broad for a man, at 42 inches, given that my rib cage is also 42 inches. So I don’t have that strong “V” shaped look from behind more typical of a man. I’m a little under 5 foot 7 so a bit on the short side for a man. I wish I was a bit more petite though, my boobs wouldn’t look so small if I was a 36 inch chest. I have been on oestrogen for 2 years, but only on “T” blockers for 14 months, due to health concerns.

Without blockers the oestrogen does Jack, as your bodies testosterone fights of the effects of the oestrogen. So go for starting both at the same time, if they give you the option, as I said I couldn’t due to my blood clotting history, they wanted me to start on just the oestrogen to see how I got on. I could have done both but followed their advice it sounded a safer option. You can have side effects with blocker, so I didn’t want to end up with a double whammy. As it happens I was totally OK on both, but hay ho, you take your pick and you take your chances. Such is life, I just ended up taking ages to start developing boobs, but I have time yet for them to grow some more.

[CurvyJilly]

My friend had her surgery done at Nuffield Health hospital in Leicester by a fantastic highly recommended surgeon.
I don’t know if this will help anyone who is looking.

[anon62893628]

There is now only 2 surgeons available if you want to have it on the NHS, One in Brighton a Mr Thomas and one in London, a Mr Bellringer ( seriously folks no joke, if a some what ironical name for a man doing what he does ) if you go on the NHS for your transition your clinic will tell you where you can go. The others that were in the midlands and the north lost their contracts with the NHS, no surprise there.

I wish I could afford to go private, but I can’t, but maybe some people who read this may be able to, so thank you @CurvyJilly

[CurvyJilly]

Yes her parents helped her out as she was sinking further into depression with the waiting.
Can I say she smiles alot now and I’m so so proud of her…she was worried she would lose her friends…but a true friend is a friend for life.

[anon62893628]

@Cassii Trans dating.
I can only say what would work or not work for me, as you understand already, so maybe others will put in their experiences, and feelings on this subject. Plus I haven’t actually been on a date yet as Jane, so it can only be what I feel would be OK for me.

It’s not a stupid question Cassii it’s so nice that you are taking the time to think about how best to be supportive if such a situation came up for you in a date. As for wether a trans person would let you know and at what point in the dating which you would be doing, I can’t let you know. From the point of view of myself and what I have heard from other trans women, it would be my intention to be open as soon as possible. Many trans use trans or lesbian dating sites, and will state that they are trans on their profile, so the issue is out from the start.

Therefore there are going to be no sudden eruptions at dining tables in a restaurant, a scene I would imagine most likely if it was a guy a was on a date with. I have spoken to a guy I met, out in the world, and let’s just say I needed to have been wearing goggles to cope with the dust cloud as he legged it. But at least I didn’t get a right hook to my nose, a thing I would imagine many trans women far the most at a date.

It would be nice to get to know some one a little first to let them see who I was as a person before the big reveal. I think I will be playing it pretty much by ear by making a judgment of who the person seems to be on first impressions. Especially with a guy, I don’t think dropping the question of orientation into a first date situation would be too terrible, but may give an insight into their mind set on the subject. But given the road runner experience I had, I will be doing it the “ if you want to take me on a date, you need to know that I’m trans.

But other trans women may well wait. Some trans women just want to go down the one night stand road, to test drive their new genitals. I’m not sure I have the nerve to do that, and something I would never do with a woman. I’m more than pretty sure, a woman would very quickly catch on to the fact, anyway.

I think I would be more inclined to try hanging on until the end of the first date with a woman, as I don’t feel there would be too much of an uproar when I came out to them. It would be less stressful for both of us if it turned out to be a “sorry, nice date but I don’t think we have anything going on here, for a second date” situation. Personally I wouldn’t want to leave it beyond the end of a first date that was leading to a second; not fair to either party to leave it longer than that, to my mind.

I suppose it could end up a heavy conversation, but it shouldn’t be really to my mind, we are all just humans in the end, I believe in being open and honest from the get go, and don’t worry my self overly much. After all if a persons into you why be deceptive or coy about sex, it will all just end up going pear shaped some where down the line. And I’m no longer shy about who I am. Trust can be shattered, and much worse the longer a relationship goes on, especially something as fundamentally super charged as revealing that you were born a different sex to what the other person was lead to believe.

There are no bedroom logistics to take into account. It’s just down to if the man or woman is Ok with being around a person with a mixed sex appearance due to genitals, if you still have not had your surgery. Whether between the tow of you it’s 2 vaginas, or a vagina and a penis, or 2 penises, sex is not difficult to manage. Where there is a will theres a way.

The only problem that could be a thing, and need considerations are of the feelings of the trans, to their genitals if they have not yet had, or do not intend to have surgery. For me I would be OK to use my penis, as nature intended ( I wasn’t at first early on in my transition) the issue may be at this point that I may not be able to manage it. As I am well down the road to reprogramming my mind to the up coming situation of surgery.

What I mean, is that I know the part of my penis which will become my clit, so I now think of that part as such, and the skin of the shaft will become my vaginal walls, so when I masturbate, I have actually managed to make my mind transfer the sensations inside my body where it will be post surgery. In essence I feel like I’m being penetrated when I don’t yet have a vagina. I would imagine that where I to penetrate, what I would feel would amount to a sensation similar to that which my fingers would feel. Nice but not directly sexual any more than I feel using my fingers.

This may make a woman feel uncomfortable if she can’t accept that I would be loving with it every bit as I much I would if I was fingering her. I don’t know what you would feel about that Cassii, but I have given you some time to think about it. Though I don’t know if any other trans women have ever done what I have in this regard. Just how they would feel about involving their genital and in what way is something which would be best talked about as soon as you were at that point in the relationship.

And it sure would be your business if you were going that way in a relationship. You have the right to know if the bedroom stage of your new relationship was going to fit into your mind set. But it would be up to the both of you to determine just at what point the conversation would take place. I would at least want to set the when of it as soon as I felt I was getting there. Both parties need to give the other a heads up when it’s needed. Many of the sex related problems people come here with are down to leaving conversations out on sexual things. I have heard many a person say, well sex is only a very small part of a relationship, but it’s not. Things just start to fester in one or both parties mind, until it causes a major problem. And all the “ I don’t want to talk about it because if I do it could wreck our relationship” issues.

If something sexual is going to do that to a relationship, it’s best in my mind to find out pretty early on. yes things do change in relationships, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get any hidden issues out in the open as soon as you can.

As for what you say, when they tell you, what you said is OK just watch your inflection, but I don’t think you would need to, but for others, I’m going to say. As in “I’m cool with you being that way, as opposed to a big, “ fantastic, I have always fancied the idea of a trans, it’s one of my favourite fetishes” kind of way. There are a good number of guys out there who feel that way. it’s one of the first things an experience trans woman will tell a new starter. No trans woman I know of wants to be some guys fetish experience.

What I fear is someone letting me fall for them, then having them say but I want you to stay as you are, and not go through with your surgery. It could be because they really do l love my body the way it is now, or that they love me and are terrified at the possibility of loosing me due to something nasty going wrong during my surgery. But I need to be me, even with that risk which comes with surgery. It’s who I truly am, I have accepted that the surgeon gets the final say, I can’t change that. But someone I care about trying to put me off my surgery no matter the reason, would only destroy me from the inside, in the end.

As for what would be my idea response when I tell a date I’m a trans woman would be; well anything that’s calm, and confident. like “ I’m OK with you being trans, I have no issues with that. However I have never had a relationship with a trans person, so I hope you can bare with me, as I don’t want to say something to cause offence to you, but I fear I may do so out of ignorance. I want to learn though”.

Something along those lines, enough to avoid any confusions, or miss understandings, but not so much that it runs into a panicky sort of ramble, if you get what I mean. Be open and show that you are confident and genuine in saying you are fine with it.

[Naomithea]

It’s mainly sitting without man spreading and getting in and out of car more gracefully than I used to. I’m not sure what else to do to be honest.

[anon62893628]

@CurvyJilly Many people don’t realise just how devastating gender dysphoria is, trans people do commit suicide while waiting for help. The wait times are long, up to 2 years just to get through the door of the clinic for the first time, then at least 3 years if not more if you are going for surgery.

She is lucky to have you as a friend, and lucky to have parents who loved and supported in her transition. Some many trans people don’t get support from their family. I’m luck for all the friends and support I have found on here, such a pity I haven’t found more in the off line world. Their loss they don’t know the kind of friend they would have had in me.

My family disowned me as result of starting my transition. So I changed my family name when I filed my new female name through deed pole. Who needs people like that in their life anyway, I’m best away from them, and happier as a result.

I don’t seem to have much luck with friends, though an old friend came back into my life not long before the first lock down. She had lived and worked abroad for many years, and not long back into the UK. I wish I had a lot more friends like her, she is an amazing friend.

[Melody1]

@Naomithea

t with limited funds it’s slow goin

I source most of my clothes off the internet. Ebay still has some genuinely great bargains, particularly searching by time ending soonest for overlooked items with zero bids. In my ‘working from home’ upload today, the Diesel, denim mini is beautifully soft and cost less than a fiver, as did the Next heels. I felt so feminine wearing them all day, even if it was inside my own house. It’s also great practice for getting comfortable with heels.
Good Luck , be bold
x

[Cassii]

Thank you, that’s all really helpful insight

[anon62893628]

Voice and movement, these are things other people will notice, and make a determination on, besides your face, even from a distance the way you move will ping you as a man to others, with it not matching you clothing, especially if you are in a skirt or heels.

Things to do, and not do.
Walk with your elbows tucked in against your side, not the manly roll of Lino under each arm pit, you will have to watch that because it will be something that’s second nature to from before your transition began, as will most of the movement things. Don’t then put your lower arm tight against your side, with your palms facing in, and fingers pointing straight down (soldier alert) Or put your hands with your palms facing the ground, (camp gay man). Relax your arms from the elbow let them angle just a little away from your body and a little to the front, with your hands relaxed but pulled up just a little out of line with your forearm. Exaggerate these positions and you will start to look a bit of a drag queen.

Society has programmed peoples minds to expect to see a person move in a certain way based on gender, some people are challenging this, ( thank goodness ) but I think most trans women just want to blend in with the general female population to the more feminine end of the female movement scale, which society has in it head, and leave the societal challenging to women, and anyone else with the inclination to do so. It’s not so easy to challenge society when you know that you are to most peoples mind “in drag” and not wanting to be seen as such, even if they don’t see that looking at you, you may still feel that way, because you know whats under your clothing. Maybe one day people can all just do their own thing, without judgment from others; we can hope.

Walking; keep your feet no more than a shoe width apart, and take small steps, one shoe length is OK, but don’t go smaller or with you feet side by side, like a geisha, men tend to walk with a wider foot placement, and longer stride, compared to that annoying stereo type for women. Once you have had your surgery or gained a good bit of confidence, you will be able to feel ok the move away from stereo types of movement and appearance, and settle into something which feels more comfortable, or stay as you have been. Every woman makes that determination, about how she wants to looks, what she wears, how she moves, etc. A trans woman unless super brave will not likely feel able to be her own woman in such things, for fear of drawing unwanted negative attention.

You can try to learn that hip sway and roll that woman can do so easily, with their wider hips. I will try to explain how, but I’m not sure if I can put it into words in a good enough way to make it useful. As you take each step let your weight settle to the side, sort of throw your hip, as opposed to the stomping action which men do at the masculine end of male movement. Again don’t over do it. Once you feel you have that down, try swinging your hip forward a little on each step, then combine the two when you feel able to do. You are looking for more of a smooth glide of a walk, in opposition to that male stomp. Not all women walk like that, but it will add to you overall presentation.

It may all feel like you are acting at first, but it soon becomes second nature, as I said it’s up to you if or when you let it slip part or all the way back to when you were a man. Indeed some trans woman are so confident that they don’t even both trying to imitate stereo typical behavioural, movement, or even speech norms for a woman. It’s much easier for a woman to dress and move more like the male stereo type, and has been for a long time. It’s men who get looked at the wrong way, for wearing a dress. If you were born with more female facial features, and body shape, then you will have a much easier time of it, than if you are 6’ 4’ with a body like rugby player. But it can still be done.

There are other things like the hand flick which comes with a tut, and standing poses, head flicks with long hair, but men with long hair do that anyways. And the female flirty stuff, like shoe hanging, and twirls a strand or two of hair. You can google feminine movement classes and get u tube videos by women teaching women to be super feminine.

Heeled ankle boots are great to learn to walk in heels with, as they support your ankle, wearing heels helps a lot with the hip sway. But if you are quite tall, they are going to make you look even taller. It’s down to what sort of look you want to go for, you can wear flats, or even trainers with a skirt of dress if you do pass, especially if you are young. But there are lots of looks with skinny jeans, or trousers, and a top, or sweater, etc. If you want some ideas on finding your look, just go on the online women’s clothes sites. You will find it easier to get shoes on line. I bought my first few outfits online, but now I pick up some great stuff in the supermarkets, and charity shops, not massively good quality, but cheap, especially the end lines, on the sales racks… Never tried the boot sale type site for second hand but that’s an option.

[MsD]

When you think about it, it’s amazing how many tiny gestures and behaviors were ingrained in us over the years. I learned a while back that even voice inflection is something that was taught to us on a male/female basis. Frankly it’s tiring working on everything every day, but I have my coffee and I’m ready to go!

[Melody1]

Great tips!

[anon62893628]

Vocal training.
You only get one voice box, so if you do decide to start training your voice before you get to the clinic, there is one very important rule. Stop training your voice for the day, or at least a good few hours, as soon as you feel your throat getting a little tender. If you over do it and strain your voice, you may cause damage to your vocal cords. Little at a time is the way.

As a man you will have learned to project your voice from the back of your throat, or even from within your chest, thats where the deepest tones can be made. A woman projects her voice from the very front, her mouth. Try speaking now, and note where you feel your voice emanating from.
Try to move it up to the back of your throat if it’s coming from your chest, if it’s the back of your throat, try moving it down into your chest. When you can easily move your male voice between the two, try to move it to the front of your mouth. This may not come easily, it can take time.

The next thing to work on is your pitch, as you know we all have a range of vocal pitch, a mans is lower than a woman’s but a woman has a wider range; being able to go higher, but can’t go as deep. Now try making a simple sound ( such as laa) in as high pitch as you comfortably can, then slowly make the sound get deeper until your voice starts to break into your normal talking pitch. Keep doing this until you can find the spot in your pitch, just a little higher than where your voice breaks, and be able to find this point in your voice at will; without having to work down the pitch scale.

Read out loud at this pitch little and often, trying at the same time to project your voice from the front. It’s best not to do enough to get to the sore throat stage, but do little and often. To help you check how your are doing, put one finger just above your voice box, and one just below, the lower pitch in your voice is felt above, and the higher pitch is felt below. As a man you will feel vibrations in both, when you are speaking in your female voice and have got it down, you will only feel the vibrations below your voice box. Because of this you will have a smaller vocal range than even a man. Basically because you are only going to be using half your vocal cords. Try to speak with a bit of volume to your voice, or you may train yourself to speak with a soft quiet voice, making people ask you to repeat what you just said.

As you will only be using these vocal cords once you are permanently speaking with a female voice, you may use the use of them. I think it’s a combination of not using them so that they weaken, and a mental block which forms in your mind as you start using it in life, to stop you from slipping into speaking with the wrong voice. I know I worried about this happening, at the point of speaking the first word when you respond to someone without thinking about it. A whups moment; and that it’s this fear which forms the mental block, to protect you from messing up.

Eventually I got to the point where I could talk longer without getting an unpleasant sensation in my throat, ( the start of straining your voice. ) then one day I got stuck in my female voice for a few minutes, a strange feeling at first, but one I would latter come to rely on to help avoid the fear of miss speaking. Over time I got stuck for longer periods, then one day I was ready to make the change and never went back to speaking like a man. Some trans women do let their voice slip back from time to time, to see if they can, but I didn’t want to be out in the world and find my voice slip on me. Now I cannot speak in my old voice, my voice simply fades away at the lowest point of my new range; and I don’t want to push it to see if I can, for fear of having to live with the “am I going to miss speak” worry.

You more than likely will never have the range that a woman has, and not be able to go quite as high. You will never sing whistle note in all probability; but it is possible to do a perfectly fine female voice. Only you can know just when you feel ready to keep your new voice, and let go of the old one.

But there is more to speaking like a woman than a higher pitch. A woman will raise her pitch at the beginning of speech, and again at the end; men do not do this. A man clips each word as he speaks, a woman does not, giving her voice a sort of flowing sing song sound to it. A woman uses variation in her vocal range as she speaks to give an emphasis to certain words. Men clip them even harder than normal. It’s all very subtle and men are picking up female speech patterns, and women are picking up mens, as time goes on. It’s the same as how you dress and walk, you need to epitomise the female stereo type, as a sort of “ glamor “ ( In the witchcraft sense. To make ones self appear in another form to what you are ). When you can make another person see many of these epitomes of femininity at once they help to camouflage your maleness.

If you lower your pitch a little when speaking to a woman, as you may feel you don’t have to try quite so hard to sound as feminine as when speaking to a man, you will come over as wanting to be dominant. Maybe not a good idea. Watch out for using “want and need” in stead of “would like”, women tend to be more polite and “want and need” are a sort of demand words.

Women will express emotions when speaking to each other, as well as with men. Learn to be able to express your feelings. Though I think that many trans women find that feeling the need to express their emotions, to be one of the things they do instinctively. And may even start them recognising that they are different to other men. Women also tend to use a larger range of vocabulary, to express their feelings.

I have done the best I can here, as it’s very difficult to teach speech with just the written word. But you will get access to a vocal specialist once you have been at a clinic for a while. They don’t offer this, straight away, as some trans, don’t get that far, or want to. Trans men will find that testosterone will thicken their vocal cords, as a matter of course, but will still need help to use them properly.

[Naomithea]

How I hold myself and walk I’m really struggling with but your tips on your voice is the clearest instruction I’ve found and I’ve managed only once but it once more than before to produce a more feminine voice with out straining my voice. It so great to have someone who an explain this clearly. It’s giving my a starting point to work with on several fronts.

[anon62893628]

@Naomithea I don’t know if you have done it yet, but shaping your eye brows makes a big difference to your face, when things open up again, go get your eyebrows threaded, even if you only do it once to get the shape right. Then get a good mirror, with a X5 magnification, and a good quality pair of tweezers. Just hold your head up, be confident and proud; then get your walk down, more than anything glide as you walk, instead of a big strong man stride. The rest will follow, watch women walk, but don’t stare. You will also find that women will give each other a smile, so get in the habit of making eye contact and saying hi.

You may find yourself comparing yourself to other women, what they are wearing their hair, figure, etc, women make eye contact then if they like what you are wearing they will glance down at your outfit, then come back to your eyes, and give you a little smile. Don’t look at their feet and then glance up at their clothes, etc then go back down to their feet, thinking they won’t notice, they will. I find that many men look at me that way. You will know if they see a man, dressed as a woman, so I’ve been told, but I’m lucky in that I have passed from day one.

I will go more into coping with dysphoria/ dysmorphia next.

[anon62893628]

Coping with dysphoria, and dysmorphia.
Dysphoria, is all about not being able to live your life as the woman, you feel you are. Not wearing the clothes, is just a part of it. Much of it comes from not being able to interact with the world as that woman, that’s feeling that you can be part of the “sisterhood” , in other words being accepted by women as one of them, or having men react to you as a woman.

There’s also the relationship side of things, for me that’s being able to find someone to accept you as woman, especially if you have not had your surgery or don’t intend to have it. That’s my big issue, as I hate the idea of someone wanting me because I look like a woman, sound like a woman, but still have a penis. For me a woman doesn’t have a penis, and that perception of mine is what causes my dysphoria to not go away enough to feel able to look for a relationship.

If you can cope with that I’m happy for you. In fact I would love for some feed back from trans woman who is happy with her male genitals. As due to me still not being able to loose enough weight to satisfy my surgeon, if I can’t loose the weight I may never be aloud to have the surgery. Then I have to find a way to cope with life after being refused the surgery.

I found the way to deal with the life side of dysphoria, is to just start living it as much as you can, and to go full time as soon as you feel able to. There are many things which may hold you back from going full time. All I can suggest is to work through them one at a time and try to find a solution. In the end the only thing which held me back was fear of how I would be able to cope if I didn’t pass. fortunately for me I did, I just needed a push out of the door, dressed as a woman, which was provided by a friend. If you have a friend who can go out with you at first, that would be great, but in the end you must be able to go out alone. So don’t become dependant on having someone there with you when you are out.

Family and work were not things which bothered me, as I’m out of work, and my family disowned me, when I came out. My friend lives a long way away, so it was all down to just doing it. I’m sorry I don’t know what help to offer if you don’t pass, all I can say is I’ve been told for the most part most people will just let you go by with no more than a strange look. I’m in awe of any of you who don’t pass, but do it anyway.

I feel like dysphoria, and dysmorphia, are linked, as for me, not having my vagina makes me feel like I can’t be completely female, no matter if I pass or not, or how much I get to interact with the world as a woman, I know what is under my clothes. As I said for me the final part is a relationship, as well as the surgery, the relationship being the final conformation of my womanhood. Maybe if I found a relationship before the surgery, I would feel better, but I have put myself in a bind, by not feeling able to look for one with my body as it is.

How you re able to deal with dysmorphia, will depend on your ability to accept any male features which you are unable to change, such as not having a vagina. Change those which you can, and make peace with the rest. Removing body and facial hair is a big one that can be achieved. I used an epilator for many years as a coping mechanism, over the years my body hair slowly stopped coming back the hormones finished that process off. It does hurt at first though, but gets easier if you do it regularly. Laser or electrolysis treatment is not cheap; in fact body hair removal by electrolysis would not be possible as it’s one hair at a time.

In the UK you are only given 8 treatments for facial hair laser or electrolysis, anything more you have to pay for. I had 5 treatments before lock down, and it wasn’t enough to do my top lip, and 1 centimetre under my bottom lip; as it has to be gone over several times to finally kill the hair follicle. I could not have laser as I’m naturally almost platinum blonde. laser works best with light skin, and dark hair.

I went the crazy route of pulling out my facial hair one hair at a time, with tweezers, it took several days, and it hurt like you wouldn’t believe, including bleeding, but it worked to a large extent. I do have to pluck sometimes every day, but they don’t all come back at one go, and they get weaker the more you pluck, as long as you don’t go back to shaving for a while, as the follicle will grow stronger if you stop plucking. And it hardly hurts at all now. It can take me 10 or 15 minutes a day, but I find it’s been worth it in the end, as the only alternative would be shaving, it’s good job I have a high pain threshold though.

There are things which you just can’t change, height, figure, hand size, foot size, Adam’s apple. All you can do is accept what you can’t change, and I have found that the only one I have yet to accept is not having a vagina, even though no one gets to see it, it still hurts to know it’s not there. It’s not easy, and the more those feature lean towards the male side, the harder it is to hide them. Some trans women go to the expense of facial feminisation surgery, I can’t afford that, but I’m happy with the change which has come about through hormones alone.

You can choose your sartorial style to best suit your male features, Like heels may not suit you if you are quite tall, heeled ankle boots don’t look too bad if you are tall, as some women can reach 6 feet. Try out a few looks, if you don’t feel you are a good judge, get some one you trust to look at you in a few outfits. Owning a long mirror is a must.

Try to make your make up as natural looking as you can, heavy makeup is not a good look unless you are OK looking like a drag queen, it will draw too much attention, if you are trying your best to blend in. Anything which draws attention is going to make people look more than thee otherwise would, but it’s up to you. One of the hardest things to avoid is too much foundation, if you are dark haired; as it will as you know give you a stubble shadow, and grows out even over a few hours.

Hormones will help slow that down a bit, but it’s the reason I plucked all mine out. Even a full coverage foundation is going to start to show stubble after a while, caking it on to cover the stubble will stand out too. Get plenty of practice, but less is more.

Nicely done eye shadow and mascara will help feminise you face, just don’t go mad, with bold colours, and heavy mascara. Same with nails, keep it subtle, and don’t forget hand hair; again I epilate, or I used to until they just more or less stopped growing, due to constantly plucking them. If you do epilate don’t forget that you will need time for the rash like look your skin gets with epilating, to fade.

[MsD]

My personal dysphoria goes back to childhood. I remember dressing in my sister’s gymnastics clothes or bathing suits and I would tuck everything back well before I even knew what tucking was. The odd thing was even going into my teen years and still dressing in secret, I managed to find pleasure from my male bits and the people I slept with, appreciated the size. So now, as a 40yo woman finding her way in the world, my dysmorphia excludes that part of my body, and the things I can change I am. Like you, I can’t afford facial surgery, I just have to deal with having a strong jawline (which can be slimmed with hair and makeup).

I did get a bout of dysphoria yesterday, but had to encourage myself (less than a year in), that this is just the beginning. I am out at work and to all of the social media world. Even my LinkedIn account has swapped. Everyone uses the proper pronouns and calls me by name… but I’m one of the lucky ones. I know some men and women with crippling dysphoria and families that have all but thrown them to the streets for something they have no control over.

Sorry, I think I’m ranting now. But I can say this, just like humans everywhere, transgender men and women are as varied as the stars and we don’t all fit into one tight little box.

[Naomithea]

As soon as lock down is over I’m getting my eyebrows done and having a weave so my hairs a little longer. Also please note I’m no longer guy14357. These little things really make me happy. Thanks for the post on dysphoria and dysmorphia. I got them confused very often when trying to label my feelings.

[MsD]

Hi Naomithea! It’s awesome to see you!

[anon62893628]

Hi @Naomithea Nice to see you as you. It does feel great to even chan your screen name I remember changing mine to a female one, It must have been back in late 2016.

I’m loving the name as well. I know you wish you were where I am now, but I actually envy you, because you made the leap so so much sooner in your life than I did. I suppose it didn’t help when I was told I was not trans, by various mental health professionals from 2005 onwards. I wish they had taken me seriously back then, so much of my life as a woman wasted.

Yeah, it’s taking solace from even the smallest things which can get us though. I remember too telling my friends on here that I had got my referral, and how it seemed that 3 years to my surgery seemed forever away. Now I’m nearly there and I seem to have just blinked. I’m struggling now to get enough weight off to satisfy my surgeon, I was really getting there with loosing weight, but when I started “T” blockers, my body decided it was going to put weight on.

It’s my second opinion meeting in a few days, so at least I should be getting on the surgical list; my own fault about the weight gain, though I seriously don’t know why I put it on, I didn’t change what I was eating or anything. So watch for that one when the time comes for you to start hormones.