Trans-gender support and information hub

Resources
41

Hi @Naomithea Nice to see you as you. It does feel great to even chan your screen name I remember changing mine to a female one, It must have been back in late 2016.

I’m loving the name as well. I know you wish you were where I am now, but I actually envy you, because you made the leap so so much sooner in your life than I did. I suppose it didn’t help when I was told I was not trans, by various mental health professionals from 2005 onwards. I wish they had taken me seriously back then, so much of my life as a woman wasted.

Yeah, it’s taking solace from even the smallest things which can get us though. I remember too telling my friends on here that I had got my referral, and how it seemed that 3 years to my surgery seemed forever away. Now I’m nearly there and I seem to have just blinked. I’m struggling now to get enough weight off to satisfy my surgeon, I was really getting there with loosing weight, but when I started “T” blockers, my body decided it was going to put weight on.

It’s my second opinion meeting in a few days, so at least I should be getting on the surgical list; my own fault about the weight gain, though I seriously don’t know why I put it on, I didn’t change what I was eating or anything. So watch for that one when the time comes for you to start hormones.

1 Like
42

On screen names, I love ‘Melody’ with its musical connections

4 Likes
43

When you go for your first appointment at the clinic what exactly happens?

44

@Naomithea I can tell you what happened at my clinic.

The first time I went, I saw a psychologist. Basically they went through my history, any medical issues I have, then they wanted me to talk about when I first had feelings that I was different, and what they were, and when. My experiences as a full time trans woman ( you don’t have to be full time when you first go. ) They will access your mental state, that is are you able to understand, and cope with the reality and consequences of transition. Their intention is to ensure that you are doing this for the right reasons, and are fully committed to it.

The sooner you can go full time and change you name, and everything that has to go with a name change, the easier it will be for you to make them feel that your are committed, and able to live in your chosen gender role, without any significant issues, for the rest of your life.

They will then see you several times, after that, with long waits in between. The next person I saw was I psychiatrist, and it was that same clinician that I have seen each time after the first appointment. They will go over and over with the same questions, asked in different way. Asking in a different way is what they do to get you to recall things which you may have left out in previous appointments.

There is nothing to worry about, just be honest and open about your feelings, and recollections from your past. Go with the flow, let them ask you what they want to know, but also, offer up anything that they don’t ask about, which you feel may be relevant; or any questions you may have. They may shut you down on somethings, which they may have in mind for another time, or feel are not something they need to know. They have a set time to talk with you each time, and so may want to save those things for when they have time to go into them in more detail with you at a latter date.

The second opinion has to be by a different clinician, one which you have not had any contact with before.

You need 2 years living in role to be referred for surgery, and proof that you are fully socialised. Which is, a job, volunteering, or attending some kind of social group, where someone can write a letter to say you have been attending in role for at least a year, but preferably 2 years.

ETA. My clinic has a nurse and a peer support worker, who see me in between Dr appointments. The peer support worker saw me well before my first clinic appointment; but I was OK without her help, we only spoke a few times. You have to see the nurse when they send an appointment though.

I have just got the clinics approval to be referred for surgery. Yay !

4 Likes
45

That’s so helpful to know that. As soon as I’ve got my hair longer I’m going to make the name change it’s just waiting for the salon to open to get the semi permanent extensions. I feel better knowing what to expect. That’s been my main worry, knowing what they will ask.

1 Like
46

I’m not transgender but cross dress
After working from home all morning in a skirt and tights with a basque under my work polo, I decided it was too nice a day and ventured out into my village for the first time in a skirt (previously the bravest I’ve been is short shorts), in full view of the builders working on the roof across the road. Dressing this way, especially the basque, helped me focus on the walk. It all went really well , even when a couple came towards me on a particularly narrow bit. They just smiled and said ‘Hi’
Previously, I’ve been out like this in large cities but in the closed community of a village it was particularly nerve wracking but ultimately liberating.
Probably something I would never have done without the Lovehoney forum to give me confidence in myself
x

6 Likes
47

@Naomithea I’m always here if you need help, I will do what I can.
I have never been to a salon, can’t afford it for starters, I just let my hair grow, until it reached it’s limit. I only waited until it was almost shoulder length; I needed to go full time, my dysphoria was killing me.

I wish I was your age, waiting as long as I did was a big mistake. I told several people in mental heath services back in 2005, but they dismissed what I said. One psychiatrist just laughed, you know when you snort because you know you can’t stop yourself laughing, but know that you shouldn’t be laughing, and snorting is the only thing you can do, well that was her.

I literally went to my GP and told him that I needed a referral, he said to me you could just find yourself a boyfriend instead. Like what’s that to do with being trans, I told him I needed to be a woman, I don’t fancy gay men because I’m not a man. Besides that I’m pan-sexual anyway.

It will fly past if you don’t drive yourself nuts thinking that you need to get to the clinic, and nothing else will help. I know that you are not doing that though. Just start to live the life as soon as you can, you already know that the dysphoria pulls back when you are dressed as woman; but it will still come back and bit you from time to time.

I’m hoping my surgery will end that happening to me. The hormones will hit you too, get used to feeling emotional. Have a good cry if it’s getting to you, it lets it all out for me; I just put on some soppy music, and cry. I’m soon thinking why was I feeling like I was going to burst out crying over nothing. You may get bad tempered too, but I didn’t, I have been a crier all my life, my dad used to try to toughen me up by giving me the slipper if I cried, I wish I could tell him why I used to cry, and that he should not have done that to me.

2 Likes
48

@Melody1 I’m glad you are getting out, and have had a good experience. I think may people accept it now, but some don’t, unfortunately, the more trans and cross dressers people see the easier it will get for all of us. People fear or hate what they don’t understand, or want to understand. Head held high, and rock your best confidence, no matter how you feel inside. looking scared can make you stand out more.

3 Likes
49

… and a cheery smile and hello

2 Likes
50

I imagine it’s going to be expensive but every now and again I can afford a large expense so that will be the hair. The clothes will be slower but I’ve got an eye on a few bits. I can’t believe you got laughed at and told to get a boyfriend. It does seem a long way off but his helps and the dressing and acting correctly will help. I’ve even managed to start on my voice. I’m not very emotional and sometimes want to cry but can’t so maybe this will help.I’m very good with controlling my temper so I’m not too worried about the mood swings.

51

@Naomithea As a man you will have been conditioned to hold in your emotions, and never cry. I know I was, as I said, at the end of a belt. I ended up asking my best female friend (one day when I really needed to cry and couldn’t) to give me permission to cry. It sounds weird but it’s was like ,I had been told I was not to cry so many times that getting someones permission seemed the only way. It worked, and ever since I have been able to. Thank goodness that I can, because once I started hormones it became necessary to release emotional tension from time to time.

I would try to find a way that works for you, so that you can let it out, otherwise you may, and I’m not saying you will for certain, find you have that need too.

I don’t get angry either, I end up crying, to release that emotion too, I thought I was messed up some how, until a female friend told me that she is the same.

52

Cry? can’t remember the last day I didn’t

1 Like
53

A must read website for trans people. GIRES
Gender Identity Research and Education Society

And Pink News Trans summit 2021

1 Like
54

Taken my next step in looking more feminine. Got me ears and nose pierced. It’s quite a small step but it feels good. Still struggling with my voice though.

3 Likes
55

Oh sweet Jeezus. FFS… :rage:

2 Likes
56

@Naomithea I worked on my voice slowly while I waited for my hair to grow, it does take quite a while to get it right, little and often is the key. I’m talking like 6 to 9 months. If you can find something to listen to so that you can talk along to it, that works well. Avoid trying to sing along with female artists, as they tend to hit quite a few high notes really outside anything you can match without damaging your vocal cords. Which can be permanent.

Don’t fret over your voice, just keep at it, you will get there, besides has I have said you will reach a point where you find you start to get stuck in female mode, so until you are ready to go full time you don’t want that happening permanently. I have heard some trans women say that they still can go back to their male voice; but for me I think I locked it out of my head once I was ready, so as not to have slip up moments. As after a while, once you have gone full time, you start to stop trying so hard not to slip up, that you can find the first word out of your mouth comes out male, uups!

You need to get some nice feminine ear rings next, then. If you are going to be growing your hair long, then I would go with something dangly, fancy studs just don’t show much, unless you tuck your hair behind your ears, ( which I don’t like doing unless I’m doing something and my hair gets in my face) or you tie it back, again not my favourite thing to do, as I feel like my face isn’t feminine enough to handle it. I only tie back if I’m outside and it’s windy.

2 Likes
57

Yeah while I’m waiting for it to heal enough so I can change them I’m going shopping :heart_eyes::heart_eyes::heart_eyes:

58

Thought I’d update you all that I’ve legally changed my name and title. I’m now Miss instead of Mr. And obviously the name I chose. Anybody else moved forward in their journey?

9 Likes
59

@Naomithea - congratulations! A real milestone moment. :slightly_smiling_face: :partying_face:

1 Like
60

I picked up some papaya the other day. I heard they are high in phytoestrogens and phytosterols so should be good for breast enlargement, although papaya juice may be more efficient. Anyone tried this?

1 Like