Hello all,
hopfully a self explanatry thread.
What you most embarrassing sex story?
Ooh! I have a good one.
Was out with my cousins during my first year of uni and we hooked up with this group of guys in our regular pub. We picked out which one we wanted each (lol) and got invited back to their place for more beers - so off we went. Anyone familiar with Dublin will know of the the bigass Georgian houses everywhere, these lads lived in a scummy one of those with all their mates.
Anyway, Shelly was rather drunk; and so when she escorted her young man into his room she did not notice that there was another bed in the room. It was empty at the time, so perhaps I just didn't pass any remarks on it... until getting down and dirty with my bloke. He had me on all fours on the bed, starkers, pouding me from behind, facing the window and the dawning light. Imagine my surprise when I see hands on the windowledge, then a leg, then a head, then a body... climbing into the room!
It was my bloke's roommate, who'd forgotten his key and just climbed in the window from the garden. Bless him, he barely batted an eyelid - looked at me on the bed, said "Hello", climbed into his own bed and went to sleep.
Me and my bloke hesistated for the minute that it happened - and just kept right on going, lol :P
Haha thats a fantastic story shelly! I dont really have much in the way of embarrassing stories - my only ones are more to do with toys and have been mentioned on other threads a bit :)
Mine was 69'n in my girlfriends house, in their spare bedroom when her mum came in.... I hope never to expose my bare arse to her again.... The pop my girlfriend made as she 'popped' me out of her mouth will stay with me forever....
A few years ago when I moved house and my stuff was in binliners, my dog grabbed hold of something and was running round the garden with it, shaking it in her mouth, throwing it on the grass, going down on her front paws and barking at it, rolling it about and grabbing it, really having a good play, and I was talking over the fence to my then neighbour and he went, "That dog of yours loves her squeaky toy.."
I went, "Yeah, it's her toy rocket.."
And I took it out of her mouth and went indoors really embarrassed - she had actually got hold of a pink jelly vibrator of mine..
dont really have any, *thanks god*!
but yours wanda really made me smile lol
Dxx
hmm...there are a few!
probably the worst and one I felt very bad about was when I invited a girl up to my house party at uni, one thing was leading to another and my house mates obviously noticed. When I was chatting to this girl in my living room, my housemates were in my bedroom, whilst I was unaware.
I took the girl into my room and we started getting at it, as soon as we started having sex, I realised she was a virgin, so I was a bit embarrassed but I was a gentleman about it all, despite both of us being pretty drunk!
One of my mates then said "come on Oli, change positions!" At this point I was like WTF? how do they know I am still in missionary with this poor virgin?! Then I looked over and saw my webcam pointing straight at me with MSN messenger windows open left right and centre. I threw a pillow at the light but couldn't bare to tell her/didn't want to stop having sex!
She found out 2 years later, furious. But shes okay now, has let me off, but NOT my housemates! Poor girl!
Oh yeah and my mate recorded it, watching it back, at one stage I stood straight infront of the webcam whilst rolling a jonny on, can't believe I didn't notice! way too drunk obviously...
LOL- Love the jelly vibrator/dog story!
I have a few too
Once with an ex ex we were lying in bed on a Sunday morning after a night out, i leaned in to cuddle up to him and he farted on me!!!!! So to make a point, I pinned him down on the bed (both naked) sat on him and tried very very hard to squeeze one out just to get him back, to my horror, however, not a fart but a little tinkle...all over his chest..I have a very small bladder capacity and had peed on him slightly by accident..he actually threw me off him!!!!!! But it was funny thinking about it now! Another time me and my then boyfriend had been out on a date he had invited his friend and i had invited mine to try and set them up so to speak. Later on we went to bed, and they had come back to his too, they snuk off into the second bedroom and me and my then bloke went into his. We totally forgot about the 'guests' in the next room and Had very loud and verbal sex, then all of a sudden were met with other moans, we looked at each other and realised they were trying one -upmanship! MY moans followed HERS ! HA ha ha!
Think i won though! PMSL
the next morning was akward, especially as i collected their plate of toast from the room to find a used condom on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yuk!
PPB those are two very funny stories!
The one where you peed on your boys chest...!! Wow! I thought when reading that it was going to end up much worse than that though!! Reminded me of when my mate kept on doing 'cup cakes' to everyone, he had gas, what can I say! Anyway, he said he was brewing a stonker and actually put his hand down his pants to cupcake someone, and er, followed through on his hand. Was literally the funniest thing that has happened ever.
Oh god, these are some brilliant stories.
Mine's pretty tame but I'll tell it anyway. Me and my boyfriend were having sex and I have a problem with keeping quiet. That coupled with my creaking bed isnt a good thing. When we went downstairs, my sister told me we were really loud and she turned the music up on her laptop really loud to stop my mum (who still has no idea me and my boyfriend have had sex every time we've seen each other for the past 6 months) from hearing. She got a telling off from mum for the loud music, but she proved herself to be a good sister that day :)
LOL to all.
PPB hell it's a shame he wasn't into golden showers, some men might have loved that!
Ecksvie wrote:
Oh god, these are some brilliant stories.
Mine's pretty tame but I'll tell it anyway. Me and my boyfriend were having sex and I have a problem with keeping quiet. That coupled with my creaking bed isnt a good thing. When we went downstairs, my sister told me we were really loud and she turned the music up on her laptop really loud to stop my mum (who still has no idea me and my boyfriend have had sex every time we've seen each other for the past 6 months) from hearing. She got a telling off from mum for the loud music, but she proved herself to be a good sister that day :)
I have a loft bed.... or a sexual activity amplifier... after a rather busy session I went downstairs to be confronted by my stepdad having a quiet word about my rather embarassed mum.
What also made my original story worse was that I looked up to see who came in and then just put my face back between her legs out of shame. I hid my face from her mother in her daughters vulva.... Shame...
well. a few years back i was advised by my exs stepmum that i could be heard having sex in the bedroom from the kitchen!! it was a three storey house too!!
i am rather noisy. ive had to leave hotel rooms, and occasionally my own house, a bit red faced in the morning because i know next door heard me and they happen to be leaving at the same time!! x
Hah, i got one better than that!!
My long term partner had finaiily agreed to going down on me after months of persuading, and then, once he got the hang of the idea i layed back and enjoyed...
That was untill i farted in his face!!!!
Thankfully he didnt notice as it didnt smell but it was some story to pass round my mates!!
Wow what a gas there BelleMorte!!! and a great way to blast of your LH career!!!!
TB
Wow what a gas there BelleMorte!!! and a great way to blast of your LH career!!!!
TB
BelleMorte wrote:
Hah, i got one better than that!!
My long term partner had finaiily agreed to going down on me after months of persuading, and then, once he got the hang of the idea i layed back and enjoyed...
That was untill i farted in his face!!!!
Thankfully he didnt notice as it didnt smell but it was some story to pass round my mates!!
She's done that to me, just reminded her and she just laughed saying, you love me, with big eyes.
WandA, thats really funny, mainly because its not me.
by the way she's still laughing, not finding the funny side yet.
I'm almost over it. I'm not quite there.. but I remember my girlfriend told me her mum had effectively told her to enjoy sex properly and not be afaid to ask her 'lover' what she wants.
I wonder if that made a good impression? I couldn't of looked more determined to bring her to enjoyment could I? Yes... I am scraping the barrel.
I've got a few to say the least but what always gets me chuckling with the missus now are fanny farts (sorry for the name)... we just can't stop laughing at them lol It's better than getting all embarrased and losing it i suppose.
One of them was probably when I and Mrs Geordie were going at it in a park (at 1am so don't be worried) assuming we would be fine... until these two young lads walked in obviously going for a joint... we just froze and so did they... then one of them said "Shit turn round man!! NOW!!"... they turned round and pretended they hadn't noticed so we "finished"......... it wasn't until 2 days later we found out it was the OH's mothers best friend's son that had found us ahahaha bless him
Being caught by the soon to be mother-in-law was not the proudest moment either... was expecting a "Withdraw yourself from my daughter now vile human!!!" instead we actually just got "Whooops sorry i'll come back later"... suffice to say we were creased with laughter afterwards :p