Probably just an age thing. Guess when I was that age it may have felt like an admission of not satisfying my better half
Now a wiser, and somewhat older guy I know it’s nothing to do with that and should be encouraged
1 Like
I’d say it’s the opposite for us. I’ve bought my OH several toys and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t use them by herself, but I’d be more than happy if she did. I think she sees them as something that’s very taboo. She does use them occasionally in the heights of passion when we’re together though
1 Like
I don’t think all young men are worried about it any more, It’s all part of the orgasm just like foreplay.
1 Like
I suppose it may have been the first time he’s ever actually seen a sex toy connected with someone he cares about. Like periods men are aware of them and sometimes possibly joke about them but some are not actually sure about the details so it’s the unknown and that may cause embarrassment/ fear. I really do hope that they can talk about it. It may even make him curious to find out about what toys might work for both your daughter and him 
1 Like
It’s not a gender thing at all.
Its do with sexual experience. Partly, actual experience with another person and what types of experience (very few people start off by having swinging from the chandelier gagged and bound sex) but also sexual exposure, such as how much the people around you talk about sex, their sex education, how much interest they have in sex (yes sex drive but more do they read/watch info online, join forums etc) etc as well as general upbringing about sex.
It could be that he was intimidated but it could also just be that he was surprised or just that he found something private (clearly she hadn’t ever mentioned she had a dildo so he could have assumed she was embarrassed or didn’t want him to know)
5 Likes
I sense it’s seen as a stigma and lack of educating as you think toys and immediately go to dildo and it being a woman’s secret toy and any man who has one is obviously a gay sissy 
would be interesting to see how many of them know of the full range in men’s toys there is.
1 Like
Not sure, could be an ego thing. Sex toys are definitely more main stream than ever before, even advertised on television.
It is as others have mentioned and educational thing.
1 Like
That is an interesting question . " Some time ago " , when I was a young man , myself and pretty much 100% of the guys and gals I ran around with were all completely into toys . That was the late 70s and most of the toys really sucked . I know my oldest grandson and his girlfriend have been playing with toys for some time , he is 21 . Most of the guys my age do not discuss sex at all , or women for that matter . Maybe I am the exception ? I invited many couples I know to the nudist camp . Zero accepted the invite . I feel sorry for people that worry about opening up to discussions of a sexual nature . Evidently the young man associated a sex toy as an indicator of something beyond his grasp as normal . I think @Lovehoney_Brenna should give us a figure of LH worldwide sales of toys for a year ? Then multiply by other sales venues , pretty soon it may look like sex toys are somewhat popular ?
1 Like
Thank you all for your comments- bring my age I accepted it myself 30 years ago when I started to be interested in sex and they were hard to buy - but even then my now husband was fine with it and I expected that the new generation would be ok with it - but clearly he needs to grow up
4 Likes
I think it is an age and exposure thing. As a young sexually exploratory lad I definitely would have been horrified by some of my fantasies I now have in my 40s.
I would however still be disappointed if every round of sex involved a sex toy to satisfy the OH. It doesn’t mean I don’t want her satisfied but I have male pride that would make me unhappy if I couldn’t get her off through natural methods too. If we were 100% sex toy dependant for orgasm it would also ruin the variety of our sex life.
3 Likes
Some guys feel intimidated by sex toys, until they learn differently. Mostly it’s about feeling inadequate. Instead of attacking guys for feeling that way, how about a little understanding?
If a woman felt sexually intimidated or inadequate in some way, the reactions towards her would be warm and supportive.
If vibrators, dildos etc are totally ok (which they are of course), keeping them hidden from sexual partners and not talking openly about them is part of what can make others react in ‘negative’ ways. Hiding sh*t from people often makes them nervous, anxious or even suspicious.
If you have a vibrator for your pleasure, but keep it hidden, a guy can take that as a sign you need something more than him … I mean c’mon, guys are constantly being openly ridiculed for being sh*t in bed, but how often do we get praised publicly for being good at it?
The young man’s reaction might have been poor … but why does it have to lead to a guy-bashing generalisation?
(PS: I love toys. I bought my wife her first ever toy, and made her friend buy one too. I’ve bought every one my wife and I use since)
5 Likes
Same here.
All the sex toys she has have been bought by me. Despite encouraging her to use them on herself, i dont think she does.
In any case, they’ve defo made our bedtime better and her orgasms more regular.
1 Like
Hi @batjamboree
I think @Calie pointed this out really well.
It’s more about experience - or rather, a lack of - at that age.
I knew nothing about sex toys when I was that age (although I definitely would not have had anything against them - I always thought that toys seemed like a lot of fun!)
I’m in my mid-fifties now and have a stack of the things.
It’s been a steady learning curve though throughout my life - and I would have to say that most of my knowledge around toys has all happened (joyfully) in the last three years or so.
He does sound a bit precious though.
When faced with a secret sex toy discovery, my first destination would be straight to the bed - so we could both play with it!!!
3 Likes
I think that, for some men but certainly not all of us, the dildo/sex toy is seen as a threat to their masculinity, i.e. the “Aren’t I good enough for you…?” argument. With a culture of toxic masculinity, it isn’t surprising to see this in our immature males.
Luckily, some of us more enlightened males see our partner’s toys as our wingmen, not our competition, and will embrace them in a broadening of our sexual repertoire. Others like myself will go even further and give our partners the opportunity to reverse the roles and so experience sex from the other end of the stick, so to speak, giving our women the chance to dominate their guy while we get to experience how vulnerable our women truly are during sexual congress.
Your daughter is lucky to have you in her corner, and I’m sure you’ve already let her know that she is normal and healthy, and that she shouldn’t suppress herself or her wellbeing for the sake of another who isn’t as emotionally “there” yet. Best of luck, though!
5 Likes
Our experience of toys has been the opposite.
Your opinion may change when your partner inevitably reaches menopause (which may not be far away), and penetrative sex won’t necessarily be easy or even possible, and her sexual appetite will probably also change radically.
For this reason, my wife relies on toys to bring her to orgasm. But - far from this being a problem for us - it helped us find new ways to give each other pleasure, and experimenting with toys provided a lot of the fun.
I’m not sure what you mean by ‘male pride’ as I’ve never suffered from it, but I would treat it as the enemy of an exciting sexual relationship.
3 Likes
Guys just often don’t manage or understand their emotions well. As typified by the guy in this instance just leaving questions in his absence.
If he just leaves and won’t talk about it again, honestly that’s a red flag. What other sensitive emotional subject is he going to completely detach from and not engage with? What other feelings will that behaviour pattern impact?
1 Like
On speaking to my husband he said it’s only a problem when a woman whips out a dildo bigger than what he has…
13 Likes
The biggest dildo we have in our toybox easily has an inch of extra girth over me, but comparable length. However, there is no male insecurity at play because it usually ends up inside me…! 
5 Likes
The first time I’d actually seen them was when I was with my current mrs, at first it was a bit of a shock and what if she preferred that to me/am I not good enough but quickly realised it’s not that at all.
I wouldn’t have expected the toy box to look anything like what it does now 15 years ago.
1 Like
I’d be in trouble then…I don’t think they make anything smaller than me…
Good job it doesn’t worry me 
3 Likes