This is on behalf of a good friend. He doesn’t know exactly that I am posting here and I can’t show him the thread for the obvious reason that he will read my other one. He knows I am posting to a wives/mums sex and relationships advice group and I think he assumes its on Facebook or Mumsnet.
Let’s pretend he is S and his wife is K. Not their names but the correct initials so I can keep track…
K is lateish 30s, and S is middleish 40s. Married for a good while and they have children. I know S much better than K and couldn’t have a private, personal conversation with her very easily.
He has found out that that she is having sex with her personal trainer, he got suspicious and looked at her phone. She doens’t know that he has access to her phone and he can’t remember how or why he knows her passcode.
To paraphrase his words …
She came out of the lockdowns pretty worn out and demoralised and they arranged a personal trainer. It was immediately successful and she loved it. Things improved rapidly in every way.
Clearly, K and the PT have started having sex after each session once a week. The text messages suggest she is loving it, their sex life has improved enormously, she is sparkly, horny, and when he is very honest with me he finds her now incredibly attractive, in a way that is often lost after kids.
He doesn’t think think it is a proper affair, it never happens outside of the PT sessions and from what I gather it is ‘just’ sex after yoga, cardio, or whatever.
He thinks/fantasises that she is doing the ‘naughty milf’ thing for him, she has sent a topless photo from when she was 19 ,for example, and tells him how well fucked she feels after each session, but nothing more that that.
He very much recognises the the risks with an affair but he is tempted to let her know that he has found out but loves the love the effect it has had on her.
I am certain that there is no cuckold fantasy stuff here and he would find a ‘proper’ affair very hard. I have to say, this qualifies as an affair in my book, but I know what he means. There doesn’t seem to be any romance or even emotional connection. It is just sex after exercise.
She would be extremely distressed if she knew he had looked at her phone and I have told him to stop that immediately.
My advice so far has been that if he can recognise the positives and is not bothered by the potential negatives, he should enjoy the benefits and that it will fizzle out pretty soon. But he has chatted to me a few times about it and I mentioned a ‘group’ I could post anonymously to where lots of married women talk about this sort of thing.
So, over to you all.
What should I advise him?
At a simple level the options are:
- Confront, divorce.
- Pretend he doesn’t know for ever and just enjoy it.
- Tell her and be honest, he likes the effect but is uncomfortable about her cheating
- An open relationship.
Talking through the four choices with him, 1 is off the menu, 2 is my advice, she will get bored with PT eventually, 3 will play out badly I suspect, and 4 isn’t for him, he has no interest in sex with anyone else and I don’t think would enjoy the ‘hotwife’ scene for her.
The other option I guess is that somehow he tricks her in to admitting but he isn’t that guy really, he could never construct a sexy situation where she had to do the coy lip biting thing. I think she is certainly that sort of slightly naughty type, enjoys suggestive comments, always has an ear for a bit of sexy gossip, but I don’t think he knows how to bring that side out of her.
Keen to know what you all think I should say.