My husband and I have been together for 16 years, in the beginning our sex life was new, exciting and varied, as most couples is.
We've gone on to have 4 children, just sort of ticking along in the bedroom with the odd drunken rampant night and even completely dry spells for a couple of months at a time.
About 4 years ago I had a really high sex drive, constantly thinking about sex, having sex every night, every morning and lots of masterbating. I bought lots of new toys and sexy/kinky underwear. My hubby didn't really know what had hit him but he was more than happy to oblige. I was having trouble sleeping at the time and spent lots of hours on the web, chatting and flirting with strangers.
One of our joint fantasies was to have a threesome with another girl and I made it obvious that that was what I was looking for on my profile on a naughty dating site. I got chatting to a girl and we arranged to meet up. The sex was awesome, we all really enjoyed ourselves. I lived watching the 2 of them together and he liked to see us girlies getting it on and of course we all had sex together. We built a relationship and saw each other as much as we could. The sex was amazing but I also fell in love. The relationship lasted 18 months but due to family and other issues it had to end. With the end of the relationship died my sex drive. I didn't have sex with my husband, anyone else or even myself, I had no interest at all. During one conversation I told my husband I'd probably never want to have sex again, he accepted this and stopped even trying. All forms of intimacy stopped, if I have him a kiss or a cuddle he'd get a massive boner and think his luck was in then be totally deflated by the reaction, so I just didn't touch him. This went on for nearly 2 years. Then all of a sudden I got my mojo back. We've had sex every night and every morning for the last 6 weeks. I've bought new toys, we're right back to where we used to be. Like I said before we've always been quite adventurous with some soft S&M, anal and toy play always featuring very strongly in the bedroom and we started up where we left off. Apart maybe my need for being dominated and having pain inflicted has increased.
But....
I'm scared!
What if I'm on some fucked up hormone cycle that's spread over 2 years? I'm worried that I'm going to wake up tomorrow and it's will be back to how it was before, I don't know if he's cope with another 2 year dry spell 😞
He keeps saying I've changed but I don't feel like I have, I just feel like the old me is back but I don't know what to do to make sure she stays
Those issues that ended your 18 month relationship, could they have had a knock on effect on your sex drive/general mood? Don't feel obliged to share private matters, just consider it :)
If you were on some sort of messed up hormonal cycle you'd have some very obvious other symptoms other than loss of libido. I don't even think it would be possible for you to have something that wrong in your hormone balance and not notice, assuming it is possible at all!
All I can say is try not to worry. Easier said than done, I know! But the old you is back and relaxing should help her stick around :)
If you DO experience another major loss of libido, or even before then as a way of formulating a 'back up plan', why don't you explore male sex toys? You can have all the intimacy of kisses and cuddles but use the toy instead of having to have sex. It's not the same, but keep the intimicy there (ie don't send him off alone with the toy every night) and it could help keep the rest of your relationship alive and strong until your libido increases again.
well said lovebirds sensible advice hope you continue to enjoy good times.