Been with my hubby 15years and married for 5 of those. I have never had a very high sex drive and to be honest hubby always initiates sex, frustrating for him.
Since having our son (3yrs ago after a bad labour) i was suffering with alot of pain during sex. Countless trips to the Gp and finally referred for physio after 2 years of asking and fixed in 8 wks.
BUT.....the psychological scars are still there. I was told to go off and have loads of sex, great idea i thougt, love it. But couldnt bring myself to do it and started to struggle with body image etc!! Hubby always being supportive of me and coming onto me but me pushing him away.
I want to be more out going and sexy and a horny wife!! We have sex toys, lube and sexy outfits but.....lacking in sex drive! Now being referred for psychosexual counselling. Its official im broken. And so will my marriage soon.
Any advice?
I'm going to come back to this later when I figure out how to word what I want to say, but I have to comment now and tell you that you are absolutely not broken. I don't know who told you to go and have lots of sex without dealing with the phsycological trauma first, but believe me when I tell you that is really bad advice and I'm not surprised that you're still struggling after all this time with lack of treatment for those scars. Go for the counselling and stop putting so much pressure on yourself to perform for your husband. That will come back in time, but you need to deal with the mental upset first.
I'd say that pretty much covers it there.
We'll said LMH95
Thank you for the kind words. It has been a battle and a massive struggle to go ask for help again at the doctors. Hubby left me last thursday as was so upset of being pushed away so much for so long which i understand! we see each other everyday and talk but still trying to reconnect. We were away at the weekend and shared a bed for the first time in a week and ended up having a sneaky fumble and quickie both nights, was awesome!
I just need to think of ways to wake me up and reignite the passion i have for him and be able to show him and come out of my shell.
Ive lost a stone in weight in the alst 8wks so feeling better about myself so want to show him i am feeling happier
Wifey - YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Although my experience was not exactly like yours having children definately but a damper on things and often during those times I had and sitll sometimes struggle with body image and just dual roles of wife and mother. Sometimes I couldn't find the headspace or the energy to feel like a sexual person whilst being a caregiver to a baby / toddler.
My wish for you is to date him again, hit a reset button and get the counseling you need to fully recover from what you have been through.
(virutla hugs - if you are hugger)
Aw please don't say you're broken. That's just not true. Sexuality is so wrapped up in psychology it's unreal. Even a bad day can put your libido in the bin so it's a real achievement that you even want to put it right. You seem to have been given some really good advice here. I wish I could give you a hug to be honest. 💕 sending love
This forum is just totally awesome
amazing advice. I echo what has been said. You are not broken! You are going in the right direction with the help you are now getting
Motherhood is one of the most rewarding times but physically and mentally demanding. If you have had traumatic births it can be a lot to recover from. My first delivery was pretty hairy and although I recovered from the emotional side of it quickly it left me problems due to scar tissue from the episiotomy. Lots of pain with intercourse ect, I should have sought help, but was too embarrassed, but also found it hard to summon any enthusiasm for sex. How our Twins were concevied I'll never know.
When my twins were born the birth was much more straightforward and completely righted the problems with the scaring and pain... but left both of us with little sex drive. My hubby used to moan that it was a waste him having the snip as we never had sex anyway.
Things did improve though as the children have got older we are getting more sleep ect and gradually the sex drive started to return!
My sex drive is now lots higher than hubbys, and i feel great about my body ect.Its not perfect but thats a different issue. But im sure we can work through it
Im sure if you are keeping the communication open with time and some TLC with your relationship it can all come right.
Big hugs from me too. X
THanks everyone! xx
We talked last night and had a few tears, plan to go out for a meal and sit down together on saturday evennig. i have bought sexy underwear and dropped into conversation which made him smile. We had a little sexy last night text session so i know the love is still there. He said he has felt hurt for about 18mths and kept trying to tell me how he feels but i was numb to it all. I had completely shut myself down emotionally! He has had health issues lately too which has been scary and i was scared to and didnt give him the support he needed, was a bit selfish really! I really dont know who i am! I have struggled to accept that i am just mummy and not the fun outgoing person i used to be. freinds are married with children too so not as easy to plan nights out and fun.
Good to see you & hubby are working on things. You're doing the right things, meal, lingerie etc.
if you feel you was selfish then concentrate on making it up to him.
You arent just a mum you have a personality, emotions and feelings that make you you, and why your hubby loves you.
Get back into hobbies that you're into. Doesn't have to be anything huge, just something to change the current momentum of things. I recommend exercising, purely for the endorphin side of things, will make you feel happier, something to do. I don't mean sign up to a gym and pound away on a treadmill for hours a day. YouTube have plenty of work out videos, so you can do it at home and just pause to tend to your child etc and carry on
you have to help yourself so you can help and support your relationships
:)
I attend a boot camp and have made friends through that which is good and planning social outtings also started running and can do 5miles now! I know i need to have some interests of my own so help keep things fresh. Thank you so much for the boost will keep you posted.
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