ADVICE

My otherhalf has quite a low sex drive and isn't really interested in trying new positions, using toys or dressing up etc...

Myself on the otherhand have quite a high sex drive, we only have sex maybe once every 2 weeks or so and is not enough for me so I masterbate alot in between using toys and watching porn.

Are they many other couple like this in a smiliar situation? Sometimes she gets upset because i masterbate instead of waiting for her, i try and explain such a high sex drive just cant wait that long in between. I do feel bad sometimes and when I don't masterbate inbetween i get very frustareted and grumpy!

Guess that i'm just looking reassurance and what other similar situations other couples face?

The only advice i can offer it to talk about it, and try to come to a happy medium, it`s quite normal to have different sex drives, and masturbation is the obvious compromise. Explain that it doesn`t mean you love her any less. Maybe get her to join you on here and pick some toys/lingerie etc together, or read the conversations on the forum.

WillC wrote:

The only advice i can offer it to talk about it, and try to come to a happy medium, it`s quite normal to have different sex drives, and masturbation is the obvious compromise. Explain that it doesn`t mean you love her any less. Maybe get her to join you on here and pick some toys/lingerie etc together, or read the conversations on the forum.

We have spoken quite a bit about it, she feels shes not good enough and I have reassured her many many times this is not the case as we have such intimate times together when we do. It is purely a matter of different levels of sex drive. I have tried the longerie etc... and she does buy stuff but then never uses any of it.

It does sound quite common from reading a few topics on here, must be natural to have different sex drives so I wouldn't worry that you're abnormal. I have a different drive to my OH. I once read that men & women differ in their timings; men have a higher drive in the morning and women in the evening - no idea how true it is but seems to sum me up

Tracey Cox (the sex expert) once said in an interview, if the couple have very differing sex drives, the person with the higher sex drive should write down the minimum times per month that they can live with each of the activities e.g. Sex 4 times a month, BJ's 3 times a month. and the person with the lower sex drive should write down the maximum times per month they would be willing to have sex e.g. 2 times per month etc. Then the couple should meet in the middle and agree to Sex say 3 times a month as a compromise. Numbers i've given as an example.

I tend to have a lower sex drive then my husband but since having a vibrator and masturbating my sex drive has really increased. Just a suggestion, what if you bought her an unintimidating bullet vib (waterproof) asking her to give masturbating a go (not in front of you) just to see if she likes it. This might we worth a shot.

It is very common for couples to have different sex drives, especially over time. It would be great if these times could sync, but often they don’t. Masturbation and using toys is the obvious way forward, for a while. It is tricky if a partner objects to this but still doesn’t want to have sex - needs a sit down and talking through. Maybe during a light moment over a glass of something so that no one feels criticised. One partner can meet their own needs without undermining those of the other, with discussion.

GoGirl12 wrote:

Tracey Cox (the sex expert) once said in an interview, if the couple have very differing sex drives, the person with the higher sex drive should write down the minimum times per month that they can live with each of the activities e.g. Sex 4 times a month, BJ's 3 times a month. and the person with the lower sex drive should write down the maximum times per month they would be willing to have sex e.g. 2 times per month etc. Then the couple should meet in the middle and agree to Sex say 3 times a month as a compromise. Numbers i've given as an example.

I tend to have a lower sex drive then my husband but since having a vibrator and masturbating my sex drive has really increased. Just a suggestion, what if you bought her an unintimidating bullet vib (waterproof) asking her to give masturbating a go (not in front of you) just to see if she likes it. This might we worth a shot.

Great ideas! But I do wonder how that would work for the partner that is less interested. I think the point about toys is fab - most women don’t orgasm through penetrative sex, even though it feels good, but using toys might help both parties realise how much clitoral stimulation is needed and for how long - often a lot longer than people imagine. Once women enjoy sex as much as men, some of these issues might put themselves right. Also, toys are not essential - fingers and oral are all good!

You need to tell her how you feel and explain masturbation is natural and does not mean it’s anything to do with her my self and my partner have a good sex life but still both enjoy alone time and talk openly about it it’s natural

Thanks for all your replies, interesting reading, on the porn subject, she knows its only for masterbation and nothing else, she has never mentioned anything like comparing to porn or anything like that so i do not think this is the issue, plus she thinks porn is a man thing, she has no interest in it. We have spoken about it in the past but i do not want to force her to do anything that she does not want to do, make me feel awful and its not right.

But like you say its quite common to be at different places at different times and i think this is it. Its one of those things i guess!