I’ve started to explore being more dominant with my partner but it’s a new role for me and I’m seeking out advice and inspiration. I’m curious to hear any tips from you lovely people! I was reading erotica to get ideas and came across a very steamy story today about a woman restraining her partner and then masturbating in front of him before starting to play with him - I love that idea, it sounds sexy and powerful and feeds my exhibitionist side.
Do you have any suggestions for this newbie? What do you love to do to your partner or have done to you? I’ve read plenty on the basics of being dominant in the bedroom (fell down some internet rabbit holes) but I’m really itching to hear real life examples and any stories you may be willing to share or if you can direct me to any erotica you like that could serve as inspiration that would be great too. I want to learn! And to keep things fun and exciting for my partner.
Depends what style of femdom they’re into really. There’s so many approaches you can talk to it, naturally, given it’s just a woman taking charge. Sometimes a surprise with some advice isn’t the best. Has he said much about what kind of things he’s into as a sub? Hard kink? Worship? Gentle femdom?
He doesn’t identify as a sub at this point, he’s naturally the dominant one but we’re giving switching a go as both of us have shown interest and excitement over the idea. He likes the idea of being restrained, edging, light impact play. We haven’t talked about worship but I could see that being something he would be in to, that’s a discussion I will broach. I’m thinking of asking him to do a kink/bdsm test but I don’t know if that is too clinical.
@nieve A kink test doesn’t necessarily say too much as a lot of the tropes on them are way way too broadly defined. Why not try getting him to fill out a kinklist? That way he can say everything down to the specifics that he’s willing to try and what he’s curious/unsure about, and what he explicitly doesn’t, and work from there. Kinklist
We took the BSDM test and we both came out with pretty high submissive and switch scores so my partner has encouraged me to be more dominant as well I think starting with something broad can open you both up to the idea, and then maybe narrowing down more like @MK7 has said I think taking the test allowed my OH the space to say that he wanted to be dominated by me more, so having the ability for the open lines of communication to start is a good place to start He’s told me he’s willing to try almost everything once, but I’ve taken my cues from him in terms of where to start (such as using our under-bed restraints, getting a few masturbators, telling me I can feel free to choke him (after he told me to choke him during sex - think he forgot ), butt plugs to build up to pegging (as he’s hinted at it whenever I playfully dry-hump him) ) I also think to get you in the right headspace having wetlook/latex clothing and sexy heels helps me a lot, because when I feel confident I feel like I can be more dominant I think looking at some bondage and femdom porn can help spark some ideas, but tailor them to your own personality and preferences of course Also, a tip from my partner who’s also trying to be more dominant, have him wear an eyemask, as it takes a lot of pressure off of the dominant partner at first (not for me as when I’m being the dom I like to watch his reactions and be bale to look him in the eyes, but it can help while building up confidence and the sensory deprivation is exciting for the sub partner (love when I’m blindfolded )) Maybe if you already have some bondage gear go over them with your partner and see if he’d like you to use any on him, or you can lightly use them until you reach your safe word(s) (also, if you plan on being very dominant or into the role I would definitely agree on safe words - my partner and I only do light impact play up to maybe medium, so we both know that stop means stop )
Being dominant doesn’t have to revolve around restraint, impact play or humiliation etc, its as simple as thinking what you want him to do for you, when you want it, on your terms and he has to obey. It could be forced nudity on him whilst you are clothed (cook / washing up etc), it could be having him perform massage etc on you at your whim, set him a list of tasks to achieve whilst you relax in a bath (that he has prepared along with a glass of whatever you fancy) etc etc
Ofcourse, it can get a lot kinkier, tie him to a chair and tease the shit out of his penis without letting him cum, force him to watch you pleasure yourself without him being able to touch anywhere and then there is impact play, role reversal (pegging / anal play on him), post orgasm torture etc
It all depends on where the limits are set, but unless its a hard no, alls fair…
I’d recommend spending a night (on your own) researching online. There’s plenty of inspiration on porn sites such as the hub that’s not just graphic, male orientated porn, but material that will give you ideas to try out and its much better if he’s not in on your plans.
The easiest way to experiment is with situations where he’s restrained, be it tied to the bed, or hands cuffed behind his back, or blindfolded and gagged. From there you can tease him either visually (obs without him blindfolded) as well as physically. The world really is your oyster from cock cages and restraints, to strap-ons and hot wax. The aim is for him to have no control over the situation and be subject to your desires and plans. As well as searching for ‘femdom’ videos look for edging and ruined orgasm material. There’s some great stuff online once you skip through the tacky badly made content.
Always worth discussing hard limits prior to acting anything out but don’t let on what will happen as that will ruin the element of surprise and the feeling that he’s not in control.
He might get frustrated during fun, but it’ll be in a good way.
One thing my wife has been doing with me has been teasing me all week. There was one week she played with my nipples, including licking them which i flipping LOVE, and edging me 2-4 times taking me right to the edge but not letting me cum at all.
She did this nearly every night, and once where I was made to make her cum and then we finished.
At the end of the week she did the same, whilst using a pinwheel on me. She kept me going until I literally had pins and needles everywhere, edged me a few more times and then finally let me cum. Best orgasm I’ve ever had.
I suggest doing that, like, a lot!!
That’s a great idea, thank you @MK7 ! I’m seeing him tonight and will bring that up.
@rosiedosie thank you so much for your response, that was super helpful! I appreciate you sharing your experience. The tips about building up confidence with clothing is something I hadn’t thought of but totally makes sense, guess I’ll be investing in some new outfits soon What you said about the test makes perfect sense, it can be tricky for people to first open up and really express their desires, going through that process together would create that space to allow for honest conversations. Thanks again!
@Senator Very valid points. I think it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of sex focused power play but there really is so much more to it. I’ll be mulling over what you’ve said and thinking through ideas of how and where to apply dominance in our relationship.
@Rob36 I’ve been exploring some of the available materials on the hub and through erotica (thank you reddit!) and it’s definitely given me some ideas. Good reminder of the importance of always talking through limits but keeping your plans secret to ensure they stay as fun as possible
@James89 I love it!! Thank you for sharing! Sounds like you’ve had a great week haha. I like the idea of teasing and building up anticipation, can make the grand finale that much more intense. Good inspiration coming from your wife
We are moving to a relationship where I am becoming submissive to my wife.
On a purely personal note things I enjoy are being permanently caged, restrained, having my nipples clamped, pinched or bitten, being fitted with an inflatable butt plug, being kept naked while she is fully clothed, being pegged (especially outside the bedroom) and generally doing all the cooking, cleaning etc.
Thanks for sharing @rockstar. Very cool that your relationship is changing over time and is now developing in this way. I love nipple play but it does nothing for my partner which I find quite unfortunate. The power dynamics of clothed next to naked is so charged, I’m going to incorporate that more!
My wife and me also just started with some femdom in the bed and badroom. What I really like when she orders that I may not touch myself, and that I have to follow up her orders, like give her oral or give her massage her and she desides when I cum and where,
The last time she ordered me right after I came in or on her to clean up the mess I made.
Also during during pegging she likes to dominate me. Where she does the touching and I may not touch her or myself and she desides what is going to happen and with dildo she is going to use one me
@Beats69 Verbal orders and direction are great fun to utilize, I like when they’re directed at me and when I can give them out. I told my partner yesterday that he couldn’t touch himself or engage in penetrative sex with me until he made me cum. He loved that, I loved that, all around fabulous time
It’s usually me who instigates pegging. Just lately I’ve gone and dressed up and surprise him wearing my strap on. I then order him up to the bedroom, bathroom or once into the garden on a particularly dark and warm night recently. With lube in hand I take him usually bent over. He loves being surprised
Rather than porn and erotica, I’ve found the XR University site and podcast a really good source of information on all sorts of BDSM stuff, discussed openly with a focus on pleasure, consent and humour.
Another one that was interesting was the graphic novel series Sunstone (may be available via your virtual library services!)
or if you can direct me to any erotica you like that could serve as inspiration that would be great too. I want to learn! And to keep things fun and exciting for my partner.
I think starting with something broad can open you both up to the idea, and then maybe narrowing down more like 
), butt plugs to build up to pegging (as he’s hinted at it whenever I playfully dry-hump him) 
) I also think to get you in the right headspace having wetlook/latex clothing and sexy heels helps me a lot, because when I feel confident I feel like I can be more dominant 
Also, a tip from my partner who’s also trying to be more dominant, have him wear an eyemask, as it takes a lot of pressure off of the dominant partner at first (not for me as when I’m being the dom I like to watch his reactions and be bale to look him in the eyes, but it can help while building up confidence and the sensory deprivation is exciting for the sub partner (love when I’m blindfolded 
)) 
What you said about the test makes perfect sense, it can be tricky for people to first open up and really express their desires, going through that process together would create that space to allow for honest conversations. Thanks again!
