I find it pretty easy to cum, and am quite happy to have my boyfriend doing me very hard/fast from all angles without anything really hurting. I love bullet vibes, we use them on me all the time and I can come within minutes (sometimes seconds!). He treated me a while ago to the LH Inch-Perfect vibrator (my first proper vibrator), which is fairly slimline, but I couldn't help tensing up when he tried to insert it, not matter how lubed up/relaxed I was before we tried, even with the vibrations off/on the lowest setting! In the end I wimped out and just use the tip of it on my clit as the vibrations are pretty powerful. But then we decided to try the LH mini-rabbit vibe http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16407, which I thought would be even less intimidating, but I can't even use it on myself because I get so tense, no matter how hard I try to relax!
Does anyone have any tips that might help? I'd love him to come home and see me lying there making myself cum with my new toy and it's really starting to frustrate me!
I'm also new here, so it's nice to meet you all :)
It sounds to me like you just might be over thinking it! If you start being scared or thinking about it in a less than positive way, you'll tense up.
Have you considered having your OH use your toy on you blindfolded as part of a more general play session? If you dont know or expect it to be coming, you might not tense up so much. Using the vibe around your vaginal opening before just thrusting it in might also help in getting used to vibrations in that area and not just around your clit.
As far as I'm aware, the inch perfect is made of hard plastic, and the mini rabbit could be considered rather girthy, so might not be fully suitable for someone who has a problem with vaginal vibes.
The diameter is only 0.6 inches, so it should be rather unobtrusive and it might help you to get used to having vibrators inside you before you go for something more substantial.
A jelly vibe might also help you, since they are usually quite soft and might not feel so noticeable inside you and help you get over your fear of them.
Hi Pianist, welcome to the forums! Feels strange saying that as I'm still a newb myself lol :)
I know where you're coming from with the fear of inserting vibes, I have a condition that can make me really sore down there and this has caused me to tense up and get nervous about sex even when I'm feeling OK. So over the years I've learnt a few tips and tricks, hope this might help.
First of all I would recommend this little beauty, at least to start with: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=6328 the tip is teeny tiny and really unintimidating and it only gradually gets thicker so is quite good for building up your confidence.
Also, silly as it may sound, I would say have a practice! Wait till you're on your own, won't be disturbed and have loads of time to play so you don't feel pressured, whack on your favourite music, dig out a saucy story and have a go at using your vibe. Make sure to indulge in plenty of self foreplay :)
Lastly if you find your muscles down there are getting tense, try squeezing them as tight as you can for a few seconds then releasing slowly, several times in a row.
Might not be of any use but hopefully will help a little!
Good advice there from Ecksvie and Heather. Is the tensing something you can't control and is there a reason for it? I was taught by my gynaecological physio to do exercises to prevent this unconcious tensing - you tense your PC mucles for 10 seconds then relax them for ten seconds and repeat 10 times. Do this twice a day and focus on feeling really relaxed while you're doing them. I found a noticeable difference after about 3 weeks. Then when you try again, if you find yourself tensing, do the exercises before continuing. I continue to do my exercises about a year on but then pain is the reason for my tensing so it won't go away, I don't know if you could train yourself to not tense so much so that you could stop doing the PC exercises.
Ecksvie and Heather - thank you so much for the advice :) I think they'll definitely be the next toys I buy!
Adna - If I get tense when I'm having sex with my OH I can control it, but when we decide to try vaginal vibrators I can't - I guess it's a bit of a pyschological thing as well! I'll definitely try those exercises to see if they help :) thank you!
Could you try a dildo rather than something vibrating? Also, why do you feel you need to use any? I'm not a fan of vibrators. I got the Rabbit when a friend raved about it and it did nowt for me and I didn't like the size and found the noise very off-putting! I wouldn't worry too much about feeling you should be using these kinds of toys. But if you do want to explore it then I think all the above posts are fab advice x
hi pianist,have you and your parner considdered using the vibrator in forplay around areas of your body to relax you ,,i know if im feeling tense sometimes the massaging feeling against the skin does help,try on your breasts and thigh and work up to massaging your labia,,,there are ways around it but most inportant is that you feel comfortable using it
This might sound daft but daft is what I do best....have you tried using the vibe elsewhere before trying to insert it. I'm tiny like AdnaW so I have difficulty if I try and whip it in straight away. If you take your time and run it over your body first that might help you to relax. My favourite areas to concentrate on are the inner thighs, behind the knee, lower abdomen, the sides and underside of the breasts, around the nipple and all over the neck.
Hopefully once you're relaxed, your PC muscles mught be more accomodating so if you apply plenty of lube you might have more sucess getting it in.
I'm personally not a huge fan of internal vibrations. However I do like the internal swirling sensation of the Jessica Rabbit slimline vibe: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15335...combined with the clitoral vibrations from the bunny ears it's really quite heavenly.
As Columbus rightly said though...don't worry about whether you should enjoy it or not, just have fun exploring. I'm sure your partner would be just as thrilled to come home and find you pleasuring yourself with a bullet vibe as he would a rabbit. With a bullet vibe there's also the possibility that he'll pop in himself!
There's some great advice above. If you like bullet and clit vibes, why not try something different for your clit like a sqweel? There's no need to rush into peneterative toys. Or if you really are determined to go down that route then you may want to consider the we-vibe. Half of it is inserted and the other half sits on your clit. It's really small so even if you are tense, a tiny bit of relaxation and it'll be in. You partner could even insert it whilst giving you oral. The best thing is that it's for use with a partner during sex so if you can manage to relax with him then this is one step closer to an insertable vibrator without the problems in size or material. It should also get you used to the sensations of internal vibrations for when you can take your inch perfect vibe. I'm sure you will have tried all sorts but try not to concentrate on your muscles down there - overthinking doesn't help. Try to think about something you find really sexy and how much you want your partner inside you - it should help you mentally prepare.
What you're experiencing is very common and I've bullet pointed a few things I hope you find helpful.
1) Relax and Play before using your toy.
When you're properly aroused your body will be more welcoming to toys and stimulation will feel better.
2) Manual Orgasm First
I recommend having a manual orgasm before toy play which will help prepare you psychologically. It will also encourage your vagina to be more accepting of penetration. Your vagina lengthens during full arousal and the natural lubrication will help too.
3) What about a Finger Toy?
You may feel more comfortable inserting a toy if it feels like it's more a 'part' of you. I recommend the Love Honey Buzz Tingle Finger vibe http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=9773
4) Delay the Vibrations
If you're attempting to insert your toy for the first time it may be easier to start with the product switched off. This was you have more control.
5) Enjoy it!
When you initiate your play try not to set concrete goals and expectations and feel that this night has to be *the* night. Just experiment with the sensations over your whole body and if you achieve penetration then that's a fantastic plus! The fact that it doesn't seem to be the girth of your toys that's the main problem would lead me to believe it's more about becoming psychologically acclimatised to this new kind of play.
Sounds like you've got brilliant orgasm ability without the accessories but I hope with time and patience you'll be reaching for the naughty draw more often. :)