@Kitty-Cat01 I think your OH causing your sensitive body pain may be part of the issue. As @GoGirl12 said, I suspect your subconscious has associated it with your OH and you may need to retrain it.
I’d suggest taking the pressure of orgasms off the table for now and allow yourselves to learn to touch and play without the discomfort. Tease and titillate each other. Have fun! In fact you should take your pleasure when you can!
Talking is really important here, so he can learn how to touch you, and you can learn to trust him with your body. Remember he loves you as you are!
While we know it isn’t anyone’s fault, the baggage of past experience will colour ones situation and state. He will possibly feel inadequate and faced with some suggestions, possibly be unenthusiastic.
This is a way for him to protect himself, and definitely not about his desire for you!
And this is where talking openly and vulnerably about it will help prevent this misunderstanding. It will give you a chance to be on the same page with each others feelings.
And just to repeat everyone else! Don’t carry the pressure of it around. It will only make the journey harder!
@Kitty-Cat01
It is probably a bit of a cliché, but I’d suggest having your OH provide a very gentle whole body massage, including very sensitive zones.
It doesn’t have to end in full sex . Just drift off and let your mind wander. My OH loves this if tense.
With a slow progression, I’m sure you can get to where you want to be.
Thanks @GoGirl12. I think it is probably a combination of body image and what you said about the psychological stuff. I’m definitely going to try the blindfold thing since I already have one. I’m ok with my OH giving me a back massage, but as soon as I turn over, the relaxation suddenly becomes tension again.
I used to orgasm with my legs closer together on my own but I don’t think I do anymore, it’s something that I practiced on my own for that reason
Thanks everyone for your responses! I’m definitely going to try to relax a little more and stop over thinking things. I have lots to talk about and things to try now, so thanks x
Thanks @Queerantine. I don’t think I’m asexual. I did have a good (physically good, not good mentally - not something I can’t talk about here) experience with someone in the past. No orgasm but then I didn’t know that existed at the time - I was young and very inexperienced.
Fair enough! It sounds like you really do want to enjoy sex with him, there are just issues getting in the way. Best thing you can do is talk and experiment and hopefully you’ll find what works. Best of luck with it all!
(For clarity, I will point out asexual people often are capable of enjoying sex physically, so that in itself doesn’t mean someone isn’t asexual, but it definitely sounds like something else with you.)
