"Teaching" my OH

I just wondered if anyone had any suggestions about how to show my OH how to touch me / exploring this together? I know what I do to pleasure myself but I can’t explain this to my hubby and, to be honest, I’m not sure this would work if he’s doing it for me.

We’ve been together for 16 years and never worked this one out!

I am very sensitive and I’m worried that he’ll slip and touch my clit directly which would really hurt. I’m also very self conscious of my vulva and that general area so I tend to lose all arousal when he’s gone down there to touch me. Everytime we’ve tried this during foreplay I’ve lost all interest in sex, totally dried up (sorry if too much info) and I become upset.

I guess I could just stick with doing it myself and let him touch my boobs instead but I really enjoy being tied up and would like to be able to have sex whilst my hand are tied. At the moment he has to release my hands so that I can touch my clit otherwise I can’t orgasm and I rely a lot on clit stimulation for arousal too so if I don’t get any clit stimulation first, penetration can be difficult.

Because of my feelings of worry and embarrassment, he is wary of touching me and doesn’t really want to try, partly from fear of hurting me and partly (I think) due to worrying that he won’t be good at it.

Any suggestions on how we might be able to explore this without him feeling too much pressure to get it right and me not getting upset due to self consciousness and worry?

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@Kitty-Cat01 I really feel for you. We are almost the opposite, Mr John can make me cum with his hand in less than a minute, I wish I could achieve this myself. A couple of thoughts.

  1. How about a clit toy for him to use on you? Could a Womanizer be useful?
  2. Could he use the heel / palm of his hand for you to hump. Broader contact on that area?
  3. Has he seen how you do it? Maybe he could copy?
  4. Have you tried holding his hand to guide him? Would you be comfortable with telling how to proceed?

Really hope you can sort this out. I bet he’d be thrilled to get you off without your help. It is no reflection on him or you but it would be great x

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Sorry to hear about this and I feel for him as well maybe try letting him watch you masterbate and maybe try using his hand as your own this is about the only thing that I can come up with right now

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Thanks @Mrs.John. We sometimes use a vibrator during sex (me using it). I was considering buying something that he could use more easily on me - maybe something broader or less powerful than the one I usually use. I tend to prefer rumbly ones though and they are usually powerful, I’m not sure a gentle rumbly toy exists! I don’t know much about the suction toys, I wasn’t sure how good they would be for someone who was sensitive - they could be too intense or they could be great since they don’t touch the clit directly? It’s a lot of money for something that I’m not sure about.

He’s seen me do it a lot but probably not close up since I find it so awkward and can’t get any pleasure if he’s watching me. I guess I could still show him that way but not expect to enjoy it at first.

I really feel a bit stuck since I’ve tried everything that I can think of.

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Would a numbing balm help to reduce your sensitivity?

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I absolutely agree with the suggestions from @Mrs.John
Best thing I found with my bf was to show him whilst he was being my sub, as he especially likes to follow my every word. This doesn’t just go with clit stimulation but with everything, eg nipple play.
Especially with clit, I got my bf to sit between my legs (as if he were about to penetrate me) and watch me play with myself whilst he would rub my thighs/hips. I would talk him through everything, then when I felt comfortable with him touching me I would guide his hand and keep talking to him.
Since you’re particularly sensitive in one area, maybe guide his hand to the area he really needs to be gentle with/avoid so he has an idea physically in reference to other areas?
Best thing is communication! Maybe explain to him that you want to help him help you, because from my experience the partner always enjoys giving as much as receiving, so he’ll probably listen very intently

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https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/vibrators/vibrator-gift-sets/p/womanizer-x-we-vibe-golden-moments-limited-edition-pleasure-collection/a45405g81834.html
I know it’s expensive but have a look at my review.
I have to start small and work my way up to more power. This womanizer is great for me x

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Blindfold?

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Thats sounds really difficult, i hope you both manage to find something that works for you.
Sadly cant really add anything more to the good things others have suggested except to say that less powerful rumbly toys are out there. The dame pom is mine at the moment, but I’m sure there are others. If you get on with the soft vibes that seem to be around at the moment they might be worth a look.

If you go with the suggestion to take his hand and move is as you would if where your own fingers, get him to close his eyes at some point. It’ll help him to focus on how much pressure your applying, which i always find is a big aspect of the comfort for me, so it might help.

Whatever you try hope it works well.

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How about blind folding your self because you know what to feel for with out looking :man_shrugging:Then you can’t see him watching

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Thanks @zombifiedguy, @Wifelover96, @daisy0211, @Mrs.John and @Green_Eyed_Girl It looks like I have a few things to look into now. Wearing a blindfold does help me to a certain extent so I’ll definitely use that when we try. I can’t use numbing creams as I react to them all but it was worth a try!

I guess it’s got to a point now where I am too scared to try anything and he isn’t interested in trying which makes me feel rubbish. I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t want to try as such, I imagine that he’s just got used to avoiding touching me and is also scared to try. It does come across as reluctance from him which makes me feel like I’m not attractive or good enough for him. It seems like he’d rather watch tv or play games. It just makes me feel sad and fed up. I’m not sure there’s a solution to that part though!

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Oh hun. Maybe having a chat with him would be a good idea. Most likely he’s just worried about hurting you too.

Is there no middle ground thats slightly less intimidating you can start with? Like laying next to him under the sheets, taking his hand and getting yourself off with it. Take the teaching part out of the equation to start with just to acclimatise or something?

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My boyfriend loves to remind me when I feel like I’m ‘not attractive’ or ‘good enough’ that ‘I’m being stupid’ (in the kindest way possible). And I can tell you now that you are attractive and good enough, whether you believe it sometimes or not.
My bf also loves telling me that he loves when I’m confident in myself, emotionally and physically. I imagine a lot of men feel the same way.
So, what I suggest (because it’s what I did), is that you go and buy yourself something that makes you feel sexy and confident, whether it be some sexy lingerie or a silk night dress. Then surprise him one night. I can almost guarantee he’ll think he’s won the lottery.
You don’t have to go wild, like @Green_Eyed_Girl said, you could always just lie next to each other and fondle each other if that’s what’s best for you both.
Maybe (as tame as this sounds) a cuddle and conversation is what you need. Maybe ask him how he feels, and let both of you lay all your cards on the table. Likelihood is he’s desperate to make you feel good but doesn’t know how.

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Last night I got my OH to sit upright in bed, with his back against the headboard. I sat between his legs and leant against him so my back was against his tummy and chest. I guided his hands down my body and to where I wanted him to touch me. We kept it hand over hand for a while until he was playing with me the way I really wanted and liked. I know you’ve said you’re self conscious so maybe this could be a little bit of a solution? He doesn’t have to see anything, you’re in control, and you could also add in a little bit of neck kissing/moans in your ear etc. Maybe turn the main light off and put a lamp on for dimmer light? It’s very sensual.

I hope you manage to find a way to brighten things up x

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@For_Your_Eyes_Only_x Sorry to off topic. But this is one of the hottest things I have ever read (need to try this myself) !

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I would totally recommend @Mrs.John! Took my OH by surprise as I’m terrible at being dominant but I absolutely nailed (ha) it this time. He was a mess afterwards.

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That sounds lovely @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x :heart_eyes:

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Hi, I’d definately consider buying a “womaniser” my OH bought one for me, its sits around the clit so not directly touching (more of a suction when on) and has various intensity levels starting very gently, this is something your OH could hold in place until you orgasm. Not cheap but highly recommended.

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