Any regrets? What if the man is significantly younger than the woman? Planning retirement atm in 5 years
Iām 34 and I have absolutely no intention of having children. Iām still single aswell, but thatās also a decision Iāve made for myself too. Iāve just come back from my first solo abroad holiday and I have to say, I had a blast.
I donāt think you should have regrets. Sometimes life throws curve balls. I think I could confidently say in 5 years if Iām in the same situation I am now, Iād still be happy.
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My wife and I are certain we donāt want children and are very much embracing the child-free experience.
So far we have zero regrets, plenty of restful nights, disposable income and a buzzing social calendar. Whatās to regret?
N.b. we are both teachers so weāve seen the flip side of children where itās obvious the parents didnāt want them, but had them because they were expected to. That alongside so many many poor parenting thingsā¦ We definitely donāt want to be adding to that statistic.
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Iām 40 and have never been wanted children. Iām single, by choice and circumstance and canāt imagine ever wanting them.
I got diagnosed in my early 30s with PCOS and being told that I may not be able to have kids, or struggle to, still hit me hard, even though it wasnāt something I wanted. I think probably because it felt like the decision was being taken away from me.
But that aside; Iāve not regretted my choice for a second. I have dogs and theyāre plenty for me!
I have 2 godchildren and thatās more than enough for me! Iāve never changed a nappy and have no intention of doing so. Definitely one of the benefits 
If I were to get a partner, I wouldnāt hide my feelings and if it was a hurdle we couldnāt clear then it is what it is 
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At p weāre still learning about one another. There are no thoughts of having children and she is on the pill.
I wanted kids when I was younger, chose not to have any for various reasons and then the choice was taken away from me. I donāt regret not bring kids into the previous life and I donāt regret not having kids now. I love my freedom and having the time and money to do what I want when I want.
@ChloJakes Iād love to hear more about your trip, did you feel safe on your own? A friend is going out there today I think and he said that its like a sunny Ireland. The appeal is growing to go by myself while my sister is close to feed my cats.
Edited to delete asking where you stayed @ChloJakes, it wouldnāt be safe for you to say incase its somewhere youāll go back to and then people know where you are.
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Great discussion.
People will always judge, chosen not too, just one (Ive been told Iām selfish not giving him a sibling).
I have one (by choice) and have never regretted my decision to have just one.
In less than a month he will be an adult and off to University in September.
Ill miss his terribly Im sure, but also looking forward to my next chapter.
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My situation is likely a little different than others. I have had two long term marriages, both involved children from my spouseās previous marriages. After 15 years in the first marriage I felt I had full filled my family obligations. My second and current marriage has an adult fending for herself quite well outside the home. I have never had biological children of my own nor do I want to at this point in my life.
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At 16 I was told that my children could inherit my disabilities (borderline hydrocephalus, mild spina bifida, lordosis of the spine) and my husband is a genetic carrier as his Mum had Hydro and SB (she was wheelchair bound, my disabilities are hidden) too. We could have healthy children, but that would most likely require genetic screening and IVF, and I would need continued monitoring and support throughout the pregnancy too, not to mention my mother would likely be highly involved, who I donāt have the best relationship with in the first place. All that stress at what should be a joyous time for us both, and thatās before our child has even entered this world. Is it any wonder we have a dog?
As for regrets? We have no debts and our house can be spotless in as little as 24 hours. We take weekend breaks as and when we feel like it and lave lazy weekends with penty of sex too. I regret nothing.
*** Trauma dump incoming***
I do want to add that part of my choice to be childless probably has to do with my Mum, and a long (and unjustified) fear of my Mum. Mum and I donāt just ānot get alongā, my mother has abused me for much of my life. Among her most notable āusā-related offences, she:
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Spent 30 years of my life trying to get me diagnosed with autism, even if I and others disagreed with her. She told me to tell the doctor at one appointment that I donāt have a social life when I actually had both a boyfriend and went clubbing most weekends. Mum then stormed out of the appointment when I didnāt play along (doc basically laughed at her with me behind her back and said I was brimming with confidence and there was āno wayā I am autistic), she chased me down when I was walking home, screamed at me in public and threatened to throw me out of the family home for ās**tting on herā. Iām 99% sure she just wanted to use my āautismā to get more money, discounts and support.
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Tried everything she could for five years to break my boyfriend-now-husband and I up, including gaslighting me about how āabusiveā men ālike himā are, without any evidence to prove it. When that failed, she refused to say his name and would only ever refer to him as āitā.
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Told me that my boyfriend (again, now my husband) would get me pregnant and that she would report us to social services if we had a child together as we would āstruggle to look after itā (NB. our home is typically much tidier than hers!). Back then I had no idea that I was being abused so I took that threat very seriously and decided for sure that I didnāt want children as I was terrified of them getting taken away.
So if anyone has regrets now then itās probably Mum as sheās 63 without the grandkids she always dreamed of having, Iām childless by choice and living my best life and my brother is 35 and still living at home.
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Wife and are I mid-40ās ā¦ she never wanted kids and Iāve always been pretty ambivalent about it.
Weāre happy with our choice, no regrets.
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We have been married for +10 years and have two young kids who are still toddlers and babies. Kids are tough. I loved those years of not having kids, I love the years of having kids now.
I donāt blame people for not wanting kids. They are tough
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Myself and my OH dont want kids at all thankfully we are both on the same page that way. Our dogs are our children and that is the way i want it to remain. We enjoy having time to ourselves and able to go where we want and do what we want without the restriction of children
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I always wanted a daughter, but unfortunately Iāve had a miserable adulthood, & it never happened, Iām too old now.
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39 now, no kids, I never wanted any and have no regrets not having any. My OH and I are very much on the same page here so thatās easy. I very much love my furry and wooly animals, ask me to look after a puppy any day and it will be very safe and loved, ask me to look after a human child and youāll be met with a look of horror.
Years and years of being told by family planning that Iām young and will change my mind and must keep the possibilty of having kids open. Theyāve finally stopped saying that! 
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Sooo much to say on this subject but it would take me a week to type it! Very long story short i now regret not having kids,when it finally hit me (birth of 3rd granddaughter) a few years ago i nearly lost everything,i was already out of control and the realisation hit me like a freight train at full speed and my life fell apart! Seeing a specialist helped greatly but itāll never stop the regret.
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@pootle its good to talk. Is Grandchild from a step child? X
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Hey @pootle weāre all here to listen and itās good to get it outā¦there are others here in all sorts of situations and youāre not aloneā¦
Hugs to you
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@The_Little_Ladybird yes i have three granddaughters under the age of 8 from stepson in my second marriage and it was when no3 was born that it hit me why Iād gotten so out of control.
@CurvyJilly thank you, thatās what i love about this forum,itās about the only place I can open up about certain things and know people will understand as some may have been or are going through the same situation.
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Iām 43, my husband is mid-50s and neither of us ever wanted kids. I never played with dolls as child and the only babies that make my heart skip a beat are baby animals. I have never wavered or felt like Iām missing out. Thereās not a single thing about the parenting experience that I envy, genuinely. I love my clean, quiet house, my (relatively) low maintenance cats and my darling husband. I love travelling, spending daft money on amazing food and doing whatever I want, whenever I want. Being a mother would have made me lost and miserable, every day I am more certain I made the right choice.
People like to pull the ābut whoāll look after you when youāre old?ā card and the answer is, probably the same people who will look after those who choose to have kids to be honest. Most people in care homes have kids and visits arenāt guaranteed! Iād rather be a bit sad and potentially lonely in the last ten or so years of my life (though I really donāt think I will because I love my own company) than absolutely run ragged, stressed, depressed and resentful in my 20s/30s/40s. Having kids is not for the faint hearted and youāve got to really want it. I know who I am and I know what Iām capable of, parenting is not for me.
Edited to say - I use the term āchildfreeā because I am not less anything by not having children.
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Very sorry to hear that @pootle mate 
, best wishes 
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