Does anyone have any tips for confidence during sex/intimacy? My first sexual experience was a negative one as I was assaulted. Now, I have little confidence and get anxious with certain sexual acts. My partner is really understanding as we’ve discussed my past and hold a “no expectations” approach to sex. E.g, consent for oral does not mean sex is inevitable, and things can be stopped whenever. This applies for both of us.
Basically, I want to be confident in all aspects of my life including sexually!
Confidence comes with trust and experience. If you were sexually assaulted (Im guessing by a man?) It would be totally normal to have difficulties being intimate with a man.
Its difficult to know what to say here becase you havent explained the acts you are having difficulties with and thats a whole new can of worms but I would say think of the least frightening thing you find mildly uncomfortable and start there, maybe post each act you need help with on the forums and we can support you further. Start slowly and gradually. Communicate often with your partner.
Think outside the box e.g can you tease each other so you are touching yourselves but only your eyes are touching each other to start off with?
Also, maybe get counselling and sex therapy if its available. If your partner is unwilling then go on your own.
Really important to remember though, be as sexual as you like but don't do it because you think you should but rather than because you want to, it would be terrible to go to fast and alienate yourself and your partner from your sexuality. Remember that being assaulted was not your fault and you have nothing to prove that youre not comfortable with..
Be kind and open and honest with yourself and partner, hes probably finding the thought of frightening you difficult aswell its something you will need to work through together to make sure you both come out of this as uninhibited and free as possible.
There are a couple of threads you may find interesting. For me, researching helps. I read blogs and accounts about dealing with trauma - I try new methods, some work and some don't.
I missed your post, since it was before I came back to LH after health issues. I have friend who was in the same position - her only sex experience was rape.
I am not saying it was easy, but was like 8 years ago, she is married and has two kids. From what I heard, it took her long time to get over it and the things she did to overcome it was the following:
1. She saw a professional psychologist for several years and discussed everything with her. This helped her sort some confidence issues and also the comments she received from people round her.
2. It took her long time to really trust men and she did spend few years alone. Do not push yourself if you are not ready for it, or do not cross over certain line - like coffee is ok, but even getting bit intimate is not something you are ready for.
3. With her husband, she really felt she could trust him and was open with him and told him what happened to her. He was very understanding and took things slowly and only over time they progressed their sexual life. It took them long time to get to full sex, but since they have kids now,and based on the talks we have, they managed it.
But you really need patient partner, someone you can trust and who can wait to be able to overcome something like that. with the wrong partner, there is no chance to do it. My friend met a guy who tried to push her and I was glad she broke up with him and found a better one.
I wish you all the best, since I know its very hard. Also having good friends, who can offer shoulders help a lot and I encourage that you use their support
I hope you can make it, although the journey may be long 
Whatever happened in your past you need to forget about as we only have one crack at life, a wise old man told me one day, “enjoy your life son as you are a long time dead”. If we dwell on the past our future will pass us by, and by sounds of things you have an extremely understanding guy at your side that respects you and cares about you. They say the best things in life are free and they are definitely free, trust me. You need to let go of your past and focus on your time with you new OH, make sure you encourage each other through your bad times to allow you to enjoy more happy times and eventually that confidence will come flooding back. Good luck in the future and I hope your confidence with your new partner comes back.
I've never said this out side 4 walls but i also at times find this a difficult thing even after being with my OH for over 8 yrs it does get easier if you are fully open to yourself and other half he for me is the main person i can trust and has been there for me since day one credit to you for saying something i know it's hard to even do that very few know what happened to me and i kept it locked up for many years but if your OH is understanding and supportive of you he/she will take it easy and be supportive i never got help for what i went through but found other ways such as antidepressants not that's i'm saying you need them but it helped me until i was ready don't blame yourself i know easier said than done i still now have flash backs but for me I've noticed it tends to happen when i have been in a traumatic event bring which is unavoidable which then i take a step back and speak with my OH he's a good listener and doesn't put pressure on me if i'm not ready i also find it hard even being round other men such as his friends even though there all lovely guys something just clicked and i snapped and had to leave but then my other half politely explained to them what id been through now we all get on like a house on fire i am now married and have 3 beautiful kids it does still affect me but you learn to deal with it myself i don't think i will ever get over the things I've been through but I've learnt to live with it some days are worse than others but i do have good days and lots of them my other half in ways saved me if it wasn't for meeting him 8 years ago i wouldn't be here now i really hope you find your own way of dealing with this totally agree with the comments above but only if and when you feel you are ready i had counselling myself but it didn't really work for me but there are many ways to go about it you'll know when your ready
I've never said this out side 4 walls but i also at times find this a difficult thing even after being with my OH for over 8 yrs it does get easier if you are fully open to yourself and other half he for me is the main person i can trust and has been there for me since day one credit to you for saying something i know it's hard to even do that very few know what happened to me and i kept it locked up for many years but if your OH is understanding and supportive of you he/she will take it easy and be supportive i never got help for what i went through but found other ways such as antidepressants not that's i'm saying you need them but it helped me until i was ready don't blame yourself i know easier said than done i still now have flash backs but for me I've noticed it tends to happen when i have been in a traumatic event bring which is unavoidable which then i take a step back and speak with my OH he's a good listener and doesn't put pressure on me if i'm not ready i also find it hard even being round other men such as his friends even though there all lovely guys something just clicked and i snapped and had to leave but then my other half politely explained to them what id been through now we all get on like a house on fire i am now married and have 3 beautiful kids it does still affect me but you learn to deal with it myself i don't think i will ever get over the things I've been through but I've learnt to live with it some days are worse than others but i do have good days and lots of them my other half in ways saved me if it wasn't for meeting him 8 years ago i wouldn't be here now i really hope you find your own way of dealing with this totally agree with the comments above but only if and when you feel you are ready i had counselling myself but it didn't really work for me but there are many ways to go about it you'll know when your ready
i was only a **EDITED** when i went though what happened to me and spent almost half my life locking it away didn't even know at first i was blocking it all out to forget i have only in the last few years begun to deal with it starting with myself finding who i am and starting to love myself more and more as each day passes believe it or not now i acually have an extreamly high sex drive you can overcome it but it takes time and don't worrie if you fall back on yourself just take one step at a time