All you lovely confident Ladies here I need your help. This is one of my main reasons for joining the LH forum. I have been married for half of my life and were very happy. She's beautifull, sexy and amazing. However I have spent all of our life to gether trying to give her confidence.
She will do anything to please me. Our love making has got better and better with our relationship growing. No matter what I do or say I cant give her enough confidence,and Iam a great communnicater.As you are all saying its the key to being happy and fullfilled in life.
I am my OH's dream and she tells me so,her hunk. Iam a big guy, ex rugby player who trys to stay fit. I think she does like to be dominated a little, so is a little demure and submissive. Shes not lazy will do what ever I ask, but just wont let herself go. I want to have her take controll just sometimes. I want the most important sex organ her mind. In every other part of our life she is an amazing woman and I love her so very much.
I have even had her milking my prostate to try and get her to take a littlle control over me. It is amazing when she does it, but its done with love and care, and I have to ask for it. even in this submissive and exposed position I feel its me driving it. I nearly always make sure she has orgasmed before me as making love to her is all fore play for me. Then she can concentrate on making me climax( which she say's loves to do).
I have told her I would do any thing she asked me to do to her, nothing would be off limits, But even know after all this time she is still embarrassed. I want her fantasies and to do them for. She tells me she is living them.
Any way enough ranting, this weekend is a special anniversary and we are booked into a fabulous hotel and an amazing room with a sea view. I just want her to relax and really let go. We have been out and bought some great lingerie. I have bought some new toys from LH (which i will review after). I have asked her to strip for me whilst I film her and would like to watch her masterbate. She has done this before but she feels silly. she wants to do it for me, I want her to do it for herself.
Short of it is can I ever give her enough confidence or is it something you lovely Ladies either have or dont. Last and not least why am I pushing her when she gives me every thing else I could ever want. Should I stop and be content?
If you push her too much, it may be making her less confident - as she could feel you are implying what she does isn't enough for you. Have you just spoken to her and asked her to take control, be a bit rougher when doing certain things? You might try asking her to do this when she is actually doing them... When she's in the mood, is already pleasing you, and can just step it up a notch.
but yeah don't push her too much, that's definitely not going to build her confidence. Praise what she does then slowly step it up :)
Thanks Miss Char, This is the feed back I need. She has said "am I not enough for you". I dont understand this. I praise all of what she does. do you think being submissive is her comfort zone.
I'm in a very similar position. I have given up trying to work out the mind of the fairer sex. In one minute she will compain that I'm ogling her while she's getting dressed and in the next she'll say that I'm lying when I say that I find her really attractive.
We're also having a weekend away in two weeks time and I'm going to ask to be tied to the bed and blindfolded to see if that sparks the dominant side. If not, then maybe she's a sub and I'll stay as the more dominant one.
Have you ever tried role play with her? You could make a game of it when your away. Tell her your want to her to chat you up in the hotel bar. Act like you have never met before and come up with false identies. You can be James Bond and she could be a dom, air hostess, accountant..... What ever she feels comfortable with. But she has to try chat you up and get you up to the hotel room.
And you could buy her some toys or underwear form on here and leave them on the bed for when she brings you back to the room. Then have a full on kink session.
I agree with misschar that pushing her to be more confident is probably making her less confident. I am very similar to your wife and my partner tries to get me to come out of my comfort zone and I find this very hard to do. I struggle with things like role play and refuse to give him a sexy dance like he wants. Another thing I find difficult is talking dirty.
I am naturally a very submissive person so when asked to be dominating in the bedroom I am being asked to behave the complete opposite of what comes naturally to me. The only way I can be dominating is if I fake it completely. That's not enjoyable for me and I don't feel confident that I am doing it as a natural dominant would.
I don't know whether that is similar to your partner or not. My advice is not to push her though as if it's something she really wants to do she will push herself to do it when she feels ready. Unfortunately apart from that it sounds as though you are doing all you can for her by complimenting her and praising what she does. The rest of her confidence will have to come from within and there isn't really a lot you can do to help her with that.
If it's because you think she isn't get everything she wants out of sex I would say she probably is or she would feel the need to be more pushy in the bedroom to get it. If it's about what you want in the bedroom then I think we all have to accept that there are some things our partners can't or won't do for us sexually that we would like. Personally I would like my partner to perform anal on me but it's not something he would feel comfortable doing I have had to accept that. x
Maybe give her chance to masturbate alone first, to get to know her own body without someone else present, and then she might feel more at ease doing it in front of you after a while.
Blonde Vixen has a good idea. Role playing will give you both a chance to act out of character in a controlled environment. Suggest different scenarios to her and see which one she takes a fancy to. Costumes might help with the fantasy element, but if you're roleplaying in a hotel bar then you might want to stick to something that doesn't look too out of place!!
How about buying a prostate massager with a remote that she has control over, or some other vibrating toy that has a remote? That way, she's in control of your pleasure, but it's not too daunting in a way. If she starts to feel uncomfortable with it, she can stop at any time. Or buy her a toy with a remote so that she can control the strength of the vibrations, but you are still in charge of the movement of the toy itself. That way, if she doesn't feel right, she can stop the vibrations and ask you to remove the toy.
The main thing to remember, though, is that she shouldn't be forced to do something she isn't entirely comfortable with. Don't push her into new experiences, or else she will just shy away even more.
simple fact is , sexually and non sexually , some people are just .. less forward or openly exxpressive than others .. as mg and char said , sometimes pushing can lead to shrinking further into herself , which would be horrid for you both ..
:(
I know how your OH feels. I never felt like was good enough in bed for my partner.
Hes slept with many more girls and although with me it's the best he wants me do things I'm not comfortable with because of *my* hang ups.
She might not ever want to do those things but just be patient and keep reassuring her. If you push her it will make things feel horrible to her.
:(
I know how your OH feels. I never felt like was good enough in bed for my partner.
Hes slept with many more girls and although with me it's the best he wants me do things I'm not comfortable with because of *my* hang ups.
She might not ever want to do those things but just be patient and keep reassuring her. If you push her it will make things feel horrible to her.
It might not be purely a confidence issue. In my case some of the issue is that I am the 'control freak' in our everyday events (kids, house, finances etc) so when it comes to the bedroom I want to be able to let go and have someone else take control. Pushing me to take controll in the bedroom, makes me feel like I am not doing enough (so I am not enough).
Mrs Badger
Badger73 wrote:
It might not be purely a confidence issue. In my case some of the issue is that I am the 'control freak' in our everyday events (kids, house, finances etc) so when it comes to the bedroom I want to be able to let go and have someone else take control. Pushing me to take controll in the bedroom, makes me feel like I am not doing enough (so I am not enough).
Mrs Badger
Being a badger, you have plenty to worry about at the moment.
This is closer to our situation I think. My wife is normally quite controlling, but wants to be controlled in the bedroom.
have you tried putting her in situations outside the bedroom that you know she can succeed at where other people can praise her for a job well done and not just you. it will build up her confidence outside the bedroom which may transfer into the bedroom.
Everyone has different confidence levels, during work and socialising I'm a really confident guy, however struggle to communicate to her in the bedroom what I want, or to actually act it out.
The oh is different, very shy natured in public and slightly more vocal in the bedroom but still very shy and lacks confidence. The reality is that you cannot expect someone to change.
That doesn't go just for the bedroom, you can't expect someone to change their likes or dislikes for you. Have patience, don't be pushy and wait. Let her make the move, If she wants to be a bit more in control she will do it in her own time.
WOW thankyou all, said with such understanding. Rabbit lover89 she has masterbated in front of me before and did injoy it, but just felt abit silly. She did orgasm, so must of enjoyed it.
Sunday Morning & Morning Glory Thankyou both, you are both very brave and sound just like my OH. your thoughts are very well put and I will consider them carefully.
Role play I have thought of but never asked as I thought this would be a none starter. I will talk to her wether she would like this.
I will explain as you have all been so thought full. It is our 25 th wedding anniversary, We have only ever left our kids behind once before. So iam begining to think I should stop pushing and enjoy my fantastic love life as is.
She is comfortable doing all the things I ask ,just wish she would take the lead sometimes. She is as excited as Iam and will do every thing I want. But there is this nagging doubt is it what she wants?
Morning Glory I do really feel for you, I love anal my OH does this for me even though Iam a big guy and she is a normal sized lady. I ask her if it hurts and she says not but I know she is doing it for me so I dont ask very often. She has an amazing bottom and I flatter when ever I can about it. Like me maybe one day for you, he might.
Reading this thread reassures me that my situation is perfectly normal. My OH also suffers low self confidence, in almost all things in life but especially in the bedroom.
I'd love her to be more open and to take a more active role in our sexual activities, but its a very slow process. We've been married 24 years now and its only in the last few years that she's really changed.
In the last 6 months she's actually (only briefly) masturbated in front of me, with fingers and recently with a toy. And on holiday she even let me photograph her and us in some rather sexy positions.
My avatar is a photo of her in a recent LH purchase, which I think makes her super-sexy. One of the forum members commented on how good she looks in another thread and this gave her an incredible boost (can't thank that person enough).
So in my experience, after 24 years of me telling her how gorgeous, wonderful and sexy she is, I'm finally reaping a few benefits. I'd keep telling her anyway, cos I love her to bits, but its nice to see her gaining some confidence after all this time.
Hold the faith. Thanks all for me it has really worked. All the amazing ideas and support on this forum, my OH is really trying. The key for me was to make it light hearted and laugh at ourself. Don't make it to serious. communicate,