Hi all
So wanting advice and expertise
My wife often says she doesn’t like me going down on her and doesn’t feel it but the times that I have maybe 2-3 times she has and came harder then she ever has before it did take some time but I was more than happy down there.
1 how can I convince my wife to let me give her oral more, I have told her it’s something I enjoy
2 any techniques for cunnilingus.
Thanks all
My wife never used to let me go down on her…but just before lockdown this all changed….I think with her it was an embarrassment thing to be honest. It’s always been something that is at the top of my list for me to feel ‘satisfied’ - there’s something about making my wife cum with my tongue - and I told her that I really enjoy doing it, and so she eventually was willing to give it a go. And ever since then it’s been a regular thing (although like anyone she’s not always in the mood for it)
Like anything on here I think it’s a matter of open and clear communication - it took a while for my wife to be able to actually tell me what she liked - but once she reached that level of comfort it was almost easier.
I think the part of oral she enjoys the most is me sucking the clitoris into my mouth and pulsing - she enjoys using the womaniser which is probably a similar sensation.
Quite often a session of oral then leads into more fun as she relaxes properly into the moment.
But it’s all about communication - if she really doesn’t enjoy it then have a conversation about what she would like you to do instead…it’s opened up a world of fun for us!
Agree it is about communication, you need to understand why she does not want you to perform it on her and then respect that decision. It could be embarrassment, it could be technique, it could be a multitude of things, it just needs to be brought into the open an discussed.
Thanks I try and ask her what she likes and that it’s something I like and enjoy giving her oral, but will go on the defensive and not want to talk about it as days this just puts her off doing anything and doesn’t get her in the mood and feels pressure when I ask about things
Yeah that sounds exactly how my wife was/is still sometimes. It was a hard lesson to learn (I tend to get a bit over excited and make it the core focus) but try and let her lead the way - otherwise she will feel pressured - and for my wife that ruins everything. We’ve managed to get to a happy medium…but basically if she’s not into it you have to respect that!
Once oral and anal was off our list but as our relationship and amount of sex grew I suggested first that I would like to go down on her. She was reticent but I said we should at least try before writing it off. From previous relationships I was quite adept at oral so managed to give her the most fantastic session. She didn’t say no again, and then spent some time learning how to give me the best too. Now going down on her is a regular feature of our sex and I often use it after I’ve come to keep her going and get myself going again so I can get ready to enter again.
Anal took a lot more work and gentleness but eventually even that joined our repertoire (and her offering it to me is another way to arouse me after a long session). I take it slow and easy round the back and we both have a lovely time as it takes me a very long time to come (compared with her preferred method round the front, which is more of a jackhammer approach.
The moral though is just persevere - your sex life will be all the better for it!
Communication and being comfortable to give control to another person works both ways.
Not making any assumptions but I personally found talking about likes and dislikes before during and after as well as reading up upon erogenous zones so you work your way around your partners body heightening the pleasure, relaxation, sensitivity and anticipation before heading down to the genital area worked for us.
When the trust had been built I introduced a little temperature play around those erogenous zones and can now occasionally slip on a blind fold so that she focuses purely on the sensation which again heightens the end result.
I guess I’m saying take your time, be creative and don’t just jump south of the border as I may have done in my younger over enthusiastic past!
…and most importantly stop if she’s not getting what she wants and ask what she’d prefer - obvious and I’m doing this already I’m sure you are thinking.
Good luck!
Alcohol always helps! 
What’s best techniques use licking sucking on clit both finger play and oral at same time any other skills needed
Like everyone has said communication is key, everyone likes different things so ask her 
She might worry you’re getting bored/fed up if you’re down there too long and she isn’t finishing which will make her self conscious and break the mood. My OH knows how much I love going down on her but she still has those worries sometimes.
My biggest tip for oral is remember the rest of her body is still there! So use your hands to rub/caress/grab (however she likes it) her body and thighs, maybe reach up to her breast if you can
I have told her that it is something I like and enjoy I don’t know if I need to build up to it I often try and kiss her neck breast work my way down kiss and touch her inner thighs and kiss her groin areas before going down on her but would often then grab my head or close her legs and say she doesn’t want to or that she can’t do anything to me even when I reassure her that I want to pleasure her and to relax but normally doesn’t happen.
Obviously as she says no I don’t put any pressure on her at the time.
If we are texting or talking I try and bring it up
In conversation and the times when she did let me
She enjoyed
Cunnilingus and rimming is the basis of our entire Sunday morning sessions and she enjoys it thoroughly although she doesn’t always come without extra help from a bullet. I have asked her to tell me if I need to adjust my position, speed or any other aspect of my technique to increase her pleasure or even to grab my head and put it where she wants it ( she knows I would not be upset, in fact I would love being directed) but she claims to be perfectly happy with what I’m doing (and so am I) so we’ll continue as we are.
So what’s your secret and techniques lick suck slow hard
Maybe don’t have it as your first stop, use your fingers or some toys as a warm up and then go down to finish her off. Or the opposite start down there to get her warmed up and then move to different methods so you’re not down there too long.
That’s the main thing that puts me off with receiving oral, even if she has said she loves it and really wants to do it I’ll still feel super self conscious about it.
I don’t think there is any “secret” to it, it’s just a case of working out what your partner likes over time Some like it fast some like it slow, some like it hard some like it soft, some want penetration some want stimulation
Here would be my suggestions, from someone who used to be very unsure about oral (but now loves it).
Sorry about the gendered language but I can only write this from a cis/het perspective.
Don’t head straight for her genitals. (Remember you are making love to a whole person not just an orifice). She is more likely to be open to the idea if she is really warmed up first. Take your time.
Many women’s insecurities about oral stem from the feeling that female genitals are ugly and shameful and therefore must be hidden away. Society reinforces this idea from an early age. Having someone look right at them (as they must during oral) can be terrifying. Tell her how much you like how she looks down there, how her scent turns you on, and how much you love to touch her there. Do this whether or not you go on to anything further. It may take some time before she actually believes you.
Another thing that may be putting her off is the worry that she might cum too quickly with oral stimulation (and then not be able to have an orgasm if you go on to PIV later). Or, she might be worried about NOT being able to cum with oral and therefore upsetting you, or how her cumming will feel/taste for you. These fears held me back for a long time!! Reassure her that whatever happens, it’s OK.
Maybe this one is just me but I like the room to be warm enough for us both to be mostly uncovered. I hate it if OH just disappears under the bedclothes, I feel like I’ve been abandoned….I need to be able to see him and touch him, and for him to be touching me at other places than just my genitals. So use your hands all over her body. Love her everywhere.
Finally, it’s not really about specific techniques. Everyone likes different things - you’ll just have to keep checking in to find out what she likes/doesn’t like. She may not use words - pay attention to the way she moves and the sounds she makes.
Good luck!
Thanks for that I tell her all the time how gorgeous she is and how for she looks and how amazing her body is and that she is amazing
I have told her how much I enjoy going down on her and like the way she smells and tastes and I have said if she cums all over me I am fine with that as long as she happy and enjoying herself x
Guess I will be guided by her when I try again when the time is right
I don’t mean to sound harsh here, but you keep saying how much you enjoy doing it. Does her opinion not matter?
By all means have a conversation with her about it, when you have time and not before or during sex but if she is saying no then you really need to respect that.
I agree with everyone that communication is important! Is it something she might be interested in if you could just figure it out? Or does she just not want it and feels like you’re nagging her? If she doesn’t want it, maybe try to find out why without pressuring her. Knowing her reason could help you put it to rest. When you do bring it up, be careful not to sound accusing even if you’re being sincere and not intending to, like “Why do you never let me go down on you?” “Why won’t you let me?” “Do you think I’m not good at it?” - these all could sound like you’re blaming her 
It could help if for several sessions, you don’t get your mouth in there at all, and maybe only focus your mouth on her inner thighs while you’re using a toy or your fingers on her. Or give her some kisses on her labia and leave it at that while moving on to something else (of course if she’s consenting to it). Hope you guys will be able to have an honest conversation with each other 
If she does want it, this is a great thread to help with your oral techniques 
If I try to as has been 2-3 occasions when we have and she has enjoyed and I enjoy satisfying my wife but i am always respectful to her and if she says to stop or says no then I am completely respectful of that