I fear I might have some form of depression disorder. Now is there anything I can do to remove myself from a possible episode in order to be more sexually available to myself and others (excluding meds. I cannot get my hands on that…)?
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Depression, low mood, anxiety and many other things can have a negative effect on libido. If you think you’re depressed, you should really seek help either from a GP or a therapist if you can afford one. Definitely speak to family and friends if you feel able to. Why are you unable to access medication? Is it a cost issue? I would try to improve mood without meds first where possible since a reduced libido is a common side effect of a lot of antidepressants.
A few things to think about:
Do you know what is the cause of your depression and how long has it been going on for?
If there is a specific reason for your depression, can you do something about it?
Look at your diet and lifestyle. Is your diet good or at least reasonable? Eating a diet high in processed foods can be really bad for your mood. Try to increase the amount of vegetables, healthy fats and protein. Are you getting all the nutrients you need? I know I am lacking in Vit D (lack of sun here in the UK) and omega 3 since I don’t eat oily fish and probably don’t eat enough seeds and nuts to make up for this. If there’s anything you’re missing, try to increase your intake naturally, if that’s not possible, try supplements.
If you are not exercising regularly, try to do so if you can. Exercise releases endorphins and dopamine which are really important for improving mood and concentration. If you can do just one thing, exercise would be my recommendation.
Get outside wherever you can. Preferably find a green space like a park, garden, woodland etc and try to take notice of what is around you. Being outside in nature is really beneficial for your mental health.
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Well, nutrition is an issue, but for different reasons, as I just have no appetite lately. And yes, I am unemployed, so I can’t afford help. I can’t speak to members of my family about it, because I know exactly how that will go down, and it wouldn’t benefit me. I currently live in an area with heavy access to the outside, and I do frequently spend time out there, but it seems to have no effect (affect?). And finally, exercising doesn’t really do anything, for one thing, I have horrible stamina, so it just results in ten minutes of working out and then just having nothing left, or somehow going for twenty minutes and then vomiting from overexertion.
As a plus, I am autistic, so I can’t easily find articles catered to that research, and if I do, it’s so unbelievably clinical in it’s writing that I can’t possibly understand what they’re talking about.
Thoughts?
Ah crap, forgot to mention that I can’t seem to narrow down any specific reason for these episodes. I just seem to happen upon them, and I don’t know what to do.
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Am I replying properly?
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Cause that message there carried the “replying to” tag, unlike my first reply.
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Yes, that worked fine. I’m working today so my replies will be a bit slow, I’ll only look at my phone when I’m taking a break.
Same here. Have you looked up autistic burnout? Might that resonate with how you feel? If, like me, you don’t like reading clinical research, have you tried short videos like TED talks? I’m sure there are some on autistic wellbeing, depression etc. Or look for books written by autistic people rather than about autistic people.
I sounds like you are trying to do too much if you’re getting to that point. Exercise can be as simple as going for a short walk, if stamina is an issue, take regular breaks to rest.
You can combine a walk with some ‘mindful’ outdoor activities too. I like to record what species of birds I see (there are apps for this), it allows me to actually see what is around me rather than being stuck with my own thoughts. There are apps that can identify bird song too. I will pause when I’m on a walk and just listen for 5 minutes while the app runs and I’ll see what it picks up. It’s amazing to see how many species are there, even in my garden. I have also tried a bit of macro photography (you may have a macro setting on your phone camera or you can buy a clip-on macro lens for about £5 online). Macro photography allows you to take close up photos which really makes you look at things differently like textures of bark on trees, small flowers like daisies are beautiful up close, drops of rain on a leaf etc.
If you wanted to try ‘workouts’, you need to build stamina slowly. I’d also suggest building up your core muscles first to avoid hurting your back. For cardio exercises, you want to get your heart rate up but not to the point where you feel unwell so you may be able to do 20 seconds (or less) of an exercise before you need to rest. You could try marching on the spot, lifting your knees up towards your chest; stepping up and down from the bottom step of your stairs; shadow boxing etc. but only for a few seconds, then rest for as long as it takes to feel better. If you feel able to repeat the process, do another exercise for a few seconds and rest again. You can build up the number of times you do this as you get fitter or you can reduce the rest times.
You could try body weight exercises or weights if you don’t like cardio. Look up beginners body weight exercises for some ideas.
Do you have any hobbies or interests? If you do, try to spend more time doing them.
If you are not working, could you volunteer somewhere? This would give you purpose, people to talk to and it will look good on your CV / provide you with a reference if you decide to apply for jobs.
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Kitty is right Gerry, this is the most important thing to do. Going outside of the four walls is the key and costs nothing.
Even the act of getting out of bed can be difficult, but is the first step, then having a wash & getting dressed is the second. Before you know it, you’re half a mile from home and feeling so much better.
I’ve walked miles alone for years often aimlessly, in the similar way that some people first discovered in lockdown for necessity. On a ‘dark day’ a few years ago I had a fleeting glimpse of a Kingfisher when walking on the Bridgewater Canal towpath, one of the most elusive birds to see, I was happier for a week. Certainly wouldn’t have seen one in the house !
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Hi @Gerry05, I know exactly what you’re going through, I have severe Anxiety and depression, I am currently taking medication which helps to keep my head on earth.
The first thing that helps with A&D is being able to talk to people you trust the most. However sometimes this can be difficult for some people. So what I find works is going for a nice walk, nothing too challenging but make it a long walk, unless you can manage a challenging hike then go for it. If you see a random person who looks presentable, mature and looks to be rather intellectual then maybe ask them for 5 minutes of their time just to get what’s bothering you off your chest.
Here in the uk there’s many support groups that deal with Men’s Mental health, all are free of charge. Do you have access to these types of groups where you live?
I feel it’s time for you to open up to your Doctor and seek their advice, you’ll be surprised what they can do to help you also.
However please don’t suffer in silence, this is the worse thing you can do. If you ever what to chat mate I’m here always. I’ll always have time to listen to you and give you any further advice. Please stay strong brother! You got this.!
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Well another factor that doesn’t help is that I don’t have my license, and my family has us located out in the middle of no where, so.
I can’t find the motivation (or rather funds) to practice new hobbies. I mean, music fell through, video games fell through, athletics was already out the window, and I have absolutely no artistic ability. I’m pretty much just waiting till I have the recourses to stuff my gob until my body finally gives out.
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Sorry if I’ve brought down anyone’s day requesting for advice on this.
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@Gerry05 you’ve not brought anyone’s day down. If we can support you, we will. I’m always here. With you being out in the middle of nowhere, I’m guessing you’re in the perfect place to be alone with nature. This will be helpful to you, as nature walks can be very therapeutic. Try going for a walk with your phone and take pictures of wildlife. This will help soothe your mind.
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Other than meds or going on a waiting list for therapy, have you managed to pinpoint why you’re feeling depressed?
For some, when you’ve worked out the cause, it then helps you to understand ways to help improve mood… also as it’s widely expressed, exercise helps boost serotonin and even sex, be it with someone or solo!
I’m just behind in life really, the chances of me surviving on my own are bleak as I have no skills that will aid me in living independently, and history shows that I’m incapable of learning anything so.
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Hey @Gerry05 ,
Great to have you here and welcome to our little ND corner of Lovehoney. There’s quite a few of us.
Have a search around and don’t feel bad about talking. If it helps, it helps and if theres one place where you won’t be judged, its here.
Sex, Disability and Neurodivergence
Have you ever been assessed for ADHD? Something like 70% of ADHDers are also Autistic and what you’re describing sounds just like me. I’m AuDHDi and it is on the whole, a bit shit. As you likely know.
I wasn’t diagnosed till my late 50’s. It was a relief to get the confirmation and explained my inability to communicate, bad relationships with friends/family, loneliness, anxiety, burnout that out me in hospital, swapping between hobbies, inability to form habits, intense focus, procrasination and executive dysfunction, addiction, difficulty with change, fear of being percieved, sensory issues, etc. etc.. Its been a bit of a ride but I’ve found just having the language has helped. I can talk about it now and understand things I didn’t know had a name.
What you’re describing sounds like the early stages of burnout and it might not specifically be depression.
@Kitty-Cat01 and @Simon_101 are spot on about exercise. You don’t have to kill yourself. Just a gentle walk can be anough if you’re not used to it. Sometimes simply being outside can be enough. Its not about getting fit but about releasing endorphins. They will naturally boost your mood.
I think if you’re trying to understand yourself, reading technical papers isn’t going to help and you might be better off listening to people talking about their own experiences.
ADHD_love is actually about Autism AND ADHD. Rich is Autistic and his wife, Rox, has ADHD. They’re very down to earth and not technical.
I can recommend Catieosaurus who specialises in Neurodivergent sexuality. She’s also got a good series on burnout.
The Hidden 20% is a general channel about Neurodivergency.
( If you reply immediatly after the post you’re replying to then it doesn’t show the replying-to tag. )
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I think ADHD (or AuDHD) is off the table, cause I’ve been tested twice, in my early childhood and then entering my teens, and I don’t think I expressed symptoms of ADHD according the folks who assessed me.
It’s been a couple days now since posting this, and I have taken strolls outside my house, but there has not been any noticeable change in my behavior.
I’m primarily looking for help about this because, a lady friend that I’ve known for a while has confessed about sexual interest in me, and I certainly feel the same, but I am in no state of mind in my life to make it pleasurable for her (it’s barely pleasurable to just be whacking myself lately). She’s currently doing college stuff at the moment, so I figured I should seek out advice before she’s made herself available for me.
Try and get some sleep and set your alarm for 45 mins before sunrise. When your alarm goes off, get out of bed, don’t lay debating it. Just get up, make a cup of tea/coffee/got chocolate. Grab a blanket and go sit outside and watch the sun rise. If you can’t see the sunrise from your house, go for a dander until you can see it.
The ‘want’ to do things isn’t going to happen unless you change something. So change it gently.
If there’s anything I truly understand about myself, it’s that nature doesn’t impress me. Like the Grand Canyon, just a big ass crack in land, sun rises, just the light of the sun peering over a horizon.
This is probably one of the reasons why I like to drink, it’s just a state of body and mind that is altered from what I expect.
I’m not really sure what else to suggest, sorry. I think @JoCat put things in a good way here:
Change doesn’t happen if you keep doing the same thing. Sometimes we just have to pick something that we are going to do differently and do it, even if it doesn’t appeal at the time.
Honestly the only things I can think of are: talk to people, get active, take notice of what is around you (this would be nature for me but you could be more interested in human made things like cars, trucks, architecture etc), try some mindfulness techniques, meditation or yoga, spend time outside, eat well, volunteering or giving something back to the community/ nature, do things you enjoy and do things that boost dopamine / serotonin / endorphins.
Not all of those things will appeal (the thought of meditation fills me with dread!) but I’m sure there will be something. Even masturbation is good for releasing those feel-good hormones! I find baking bread a very relaxing and mindful process, but that might not interest anyone else.
I’ve heard that outdoor swimming is good for mental health but it doesn’t appeal to me! The cold water provides a shock to the body which releases dopamine. This should be done with other people for safety reasons!
Finally, alcohol gives short term relief from depression and anxiety but, long term, alcohol is a depressant and will make you feel worse over time.
Just an aside, @JoCat, this sounds lovely. Even if you don’t get up in time for the sunrise, getting straight outside with a blanket and a cup of tea and enjoying the early morning sun, morning bird song and just the fresh smell of the morning air is great. I need to do this again now the weather is improving, thanks for the reminder!
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