Disability fun

Sex Tips & Talk
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Not been about on the LH Forums since pre ‘C’ word as couldn’t deal with glitches any more, must say the new forum world appears refreshing - top work guys!

I have a progressive neurological condition that affects my legs, and thought I would start a little chat to see if others with impairments of any kind wanted to share their thoughts or stories?

So for me, me legs and balance are predominantly affected, and I used to have a lot of insecurities around this stuff. I have spent a lot of time sorting that side of things out, and accepting my condition doesn’t define me. That in itself could become a book in itself.

Anyways, I have limitations. For example, I cannot perform in ‘doggy style’ on the bed on my knees. However, I can do so if I am standing and the OH is on her knees on the bed, as long as I am near a wall or something sturdy to hold for balance.
For me, physically, several positions are more of a challenge. And I’m certainly no John Travolta in terms of rhythm and hip movement. I try and find ways around positions in terms of angles and such like that are safe and less painful.
One of the things that came out of my ‘head stuff’ from the past was an obsession to please, as I needed to prove to others (well, myself) that I was not defective. I can quite comfortably say I am not, and quite happy I had this issue. It has helped me to focus and tune in to my OH’s reactions and responses, and she is apparently reaping the benefits (her words, rather than mine).

So, thats a little about me and impact my condition has had on me.

Just wondered if anyone else wanted to share their experience, or talk in any way around this topic. I thought it may be a decent place to offer support for others in similar situations.
Also, has anyone had any experience of being a Tester from a disability perspective? I notice the Sex Position Enhancer on the tester list, and something like this might make a lot of difference for me - although I’m not in a position to spend £225 on an item like this without knowing it would be of help.

Be great to hear from anyone that has any interest in the topic…

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I use a Liberator wedge to help me. I have my eyes on the Dominix sex position enhancer as it makes receiving oral so much easier as I have bad arthritis in my knees, making face sitting very painful. Plus it’s kinky as hell!

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Hello @Mr_Kink1. I don’t really consider myself to be disabled (and the DWP certainly doesn’t consider me to be in that category), but I have inflammatory arthritis in my spine and hips - it spreads out to hands and feet. I have injections so at the moment things are well controlled, but side effects are anaemia and fatigue. I use a stick when I’m out and about.
I’m 50 and happily married with kids.
We have a couple of Liberator cushions, but so far we have found our own adaptations to be the best way.
Like you, I don’t let my arthritis define me - I was first diagnosed at age 35. But when it comes to sex and intimacy there are things I bear in mind:
We have quite long and active sessions, rather than quickies. So I regard that as exercise and accept that I will feel tired the next day.
I also ache the next day - I think the happy hormones kick in during the moment, so I don’t feel it at the time. But I do in the morning.
We basically plan around it all, and I don’t expect too much of myself the next day.
These adaptations haven’t stopped us going from strength to strength together - we have both enjoyed a post-menopausal boost!
Wishing you all the best.

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Can’t really add much to what @MsR has said, my OH has had RA since her 40’s doesn’t let it stop her doing much or define her, she works 30 hours a week. We just adapt to suit her good and bad days. The best thing i can say is use your imagination and make things as fun as possible.

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@Purring-Pussy Me and the OH have considered the wedges but never quite made the leap due to price and not being sure if it is something that would help in terms of my physical position, however seeing yours and @MsR comments I think I will keep an eye out for a good deal.
It would actually help support position variations, I’m glad I posted.
And yes, my mind enjoyed considering the options the dominix would give, and being quite adventurous I’d love to get my hands on one!

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Hi @MsR, I don’t like the word disabled myself, and fought against mine, but that’s another story altogether. Yes, I have found my own adaptions to work best so far, but can be a little close-minded around it, i.e. ‘I will get through and show I am not impaired’ rather than ‘shit, this isn’t working for me, I need to find a better way’. I still have a bit of that stubbornness.
We’re very similar, quickies are not the norm at all, for me a planned session works a lot better as I can manage those same things, the tiredness, the aches and fatigue the day after. My OH would like more spontaneity at times, which is fine. I just plan and don’t share those plans with her and that works well enough - she understands me well enough and leaves me to manage my condition (which I like).
Thanks for sharing, very much appreciated!

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Thanks @WillC, yep absolutely, sounds very similar. Sometimes my imagination will struggle though as my head likes to go down the route of proving ‘I’m fully capable’ so I have to take a check on that and make sure I’m being realistic with my imagination.
Things are certainly fun, my OH’s mindset has completely changed since we have been together, that’s been an amazing adventure and probably a completely post at some point ha ha.

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I did write into Customer Services yesterday suggesting the idea that they could have a dedicated area in shopping and with reviews for people that may require aids or have physical challenges to overcome. Personally I think it would be something very helpful, and would look very good for LH too with the right marketing.
For example, I bought these https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31705 which have been amazing for me. One, the OH loves being tied up with them. And secondly, as I secure them to the bed using carabiners, they are great when I untie her as I can use them to hold on to for help with balance (upper body is quite strong). I also get leg spasms and worry at times I’ll kick and hurt the OH. These deal with that issue too when the OH wants to go to town with teasing and pleasing. My legs will hurt the next day, but being able to enjoy those moments without fear of hurting her makes it all worth while.

I think I might go back to some of my previous reviews and make them a little more helpful on that basis.

Thanks everyone for thoughts so far. Would be great to hear from any males with physical challenges to hear if there’s idea’s I’ve not considered. And of course, if anyone wanted to ask me anything just fire away!

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That’s a great initiative @Mr_Kink1, thank you for bringing up this topic and sharing your story and journey with us! :heart:

LH has a Sex Furniture and Position Enhancers section, which also includes some bondage items - but not the soft restraints you linked to in one of your comments. These are in the Handcuffs & Sex Restraints section.

In order to check if it’s worth buying the Liberator Wedge, you can simply use a pillow (folded, if needed). Another alternative is the DOMINIX Inflatable Wedge, which is much cheaper (and atm 30% off), but it’s quite bigger than the Liberator wedge.

A couple of discs in my lower spine press on some nerves, resulting in lower back pain and nerve pain down my legs, mostly my left leg, that feels like an electric shock. I’m 31 and have had this since I was 27. I still have a hard time accepting that this is my life now, but at least it no longer controls my sex life.

When I meet a new partner, I let them know about my condition and limitations. During sex I communicate with them if I need to switch to a different position or take a break.

Many positions are either out of the question or I can do them for only a couple of minutes at best.
I have discovered that it’s generally more comfortable if I’m lying on my side or on my back. However, since I really love pegging, a trick is to ‘‘assume the position’’, me being on top, and let my partner do the thrusting when my back muscles get tired. I also really like my Bondage Boutique Chair, which can support me for oral or penetrative sex.

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@Smultron I have ordered the Dominix Inflatable wedge, a very good deal and I know this is something the OH will love as much as me.
Of course I added a few other items too whilst I was there, after all it is Christmas soon :slight_smile:
Thank you for sharing, and for the links. I quite like the chair too, I will have a word with the OH and ask her thoughts.
Yes that acceptance I found was key for me to move forward and learn to enjoy things a lot more. For me that was a hard process, but liberating now that I have. I will always have little hang ups about stuff, but find I can laugh at them far more often than getting angry and beating myself up.

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@Mr_Kink1 That’s great, I hope both of you will love the inflatable wedge! :slight_smile:

The chair I linked to should work similarly to the more expensive one that’s currently in the testers list. In my opinion, the main difference is that the elastic material on the ‘‘seat’’ is harder to wash/ clean than the faux leather.

Would you feel comfortable sharing some tips on how you came to accept that your condition doesn’t define you?
I’m okay when it comes to sex and playtime, but during my everyday life I sometimes still get upset, sad or even angry when I can’t manage to do ‘‘simple’’ things (that are not so simple for me). I don’t beat myself up, it just feels extremely unfair.

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@Smultron I am more than happy to share. It is a shame details cannot be shared, as it isn’t a short answer. But I’ll share what I can…
I have a big advantage of being in recovery from addiction, and this has resulted in lots of self reflection. I used to treat my legs as enemies, me and them. I now see them as part of me, and I look after them and accept them. A big part of that was writing a letter to my legs, and replying from my legs to me (through counselling side of things re addiction - I was a very angry man that didn’t express those feelings) around how I was treating them, and how they felt unloved and unwanted. It sounds odd, but was very helpfull.
I can relate to the ‘extremely unfair’ part, I used to always feel ‘why me?’ ‘what have I done to deserve this?’ and all that stuff, which lead to me feeling very much a victim of life.
The biggest thing I think that helped me with this was looking at things in detail, and that in the grand scheme of things I was a very lucky man. I have people that love and care for me, I have the ability to think of ways to help myself, I can still get about. I have a roof over my head, and when I am hungry I can afford to eat. There is always someone that has it tougher. So in a nutshell, gratitude is a big part. I then looked at the things my legs do give me - like a car through Motability.
As part of recovery side of things I have become a little more spiritual too, so I meditate a little and that helps me tune in with whats happening for me, rather than what my head tells me. I also try to live with spiritual principles, such as kindness, caring, helping others. That makes me feel more of a purpose to life. Patience with others, I find I judge people less and I judge myself less too.
I’m not sure if any of that actually makes much sense? Please feel free to ask anything you would like.

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Hi, so glad you brought up this topic as it’s something I’ve really been struggling with. I have compression of my nerves I. The spinal cord making me practically numb all over. I’m due to have surgery at some point but I keep avoiding committing to it as it’s quite invasive and risky.

I also suffer from OA, Fibro, Chronic Fatigue. There is nothing more I’d like than to need over my hubby if you get my drift. We do have a sex positioning stool but rarely get it out. We need to be more inventive and use what we have bought to help us.

My drive has plummeted though recently as I say with being numb all over. I feel like a glorified sex doll so we’ve not been doing anything :joy:

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I’m sorry to hear about your spine, can understand why you’d put it off. It would fill me with fear!
Saying that, what surgeons are capable of these days and the equipment they have available is mind blowing, so I am sure when you’re ready to go through with it you will be in very good hands!
It’s not surprising with the thought of that and the numbness that your drive has plummeted. Fatigue is a side affect of my condition too, and can be a pain in the butt to manage, and why I need to plan things a little ahead so I can try and have recovery time after.

I hope things improve for you soon enough, and I’m sure as you feel better the drive will be back all in good time and you’ll think of plenty of inventive uses with the stool and other things :wink:

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I hear you, and I think @Mr_Kink1 has given a very honest and open response.

The discs in my lower spine and my neck ‘pop’, or press on a nerve (it hasn’t been established which) so while I can navigate sex, standing in a queue at the supermarket is impossible - I just seize up. It is very difficult to explain to people who don’t experience it, especially in the UK culture at the moment.

@Mr_Kink1 good for you for all the work you have done. Anyone facing life difficulty has to go through this period of anger then acceptance and adaptation if they are going to come out the other side. It often does involve a recognition of spiritual practices, however they are defined.

The cliche is ‘it just takes time’ - but during that time people do that hard work of becoming the people they need to be. It is a huge ‘growing’ process and you should be proud of yourself, as should anyone here who has gone through any similar process.

@Fun_Funky all best wishes as you consider your options. I know that spinal surgery comes with risks, so it isn’t an easy decision. Can you try intimate things like massage etc? Mutual masturbation if that is comfortable? Baths together? Foot rubs? I can’t advise as I don’t know what you can feel or what is pleasant, but good luck.

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@Mr_Kink1 thank you so much! I saved your comment so that I can re-read it as needed.

It sounds like you’ve had it tough in many areas of your life. I’m proud of you for having come such a long way! :slight_smile:

I understand what you meant with the letter you wrote to your legs, and the reply they gave you. With the help of my therapist, my younger self wrote a letter to my mother and I tried to write a reply from her side as well. It was really helpful, so doing something similar with a body part doesn’t sound too weird.

Focusing on what one has instead of what one doesn’t have, feeling gratitude, realizing that one is loved and cherished, seeing and accepting without judgment - it all sounds like it can be helpful.

As @MsR wrote, it does take time and one needs to put in a lot of work. It’s also quite difficult, may I add.

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Thank you @MsR, you’re absolutely right, it takes time and work, and yes a big growing process.
Sometimes we have to look those demons straight in the face and deal with them, as we do they lose their hold and we gain that self belief back.
In fairness, if I had to choose between queueing or navigating sex, I would say you have the best outcome at least. It sounds very difficult to deal with though, and must be awkward to deal with situations when it is likely to happen and I would expect very restrictive in life! I hope they make progress with getting to the bottom of whats happening for you and hopefully be treatable.
UK culture is difficult to navigate in that sense. I use a bike and a wheelchair as opposed to walking, and when the same people see me on one one day then the other, it raises questions. But that’s not my problem any more, I care less about others judgements, and happy to take time explaining my condition for those that have interest or care to listen. Spiritual side has been all the more important over the last 9 months for me!

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My pleasure @Smultron, happy to talk about this kind of stuff as it helps me to reflect on things for me. It’s a massive bonus if it gives something for others in terms of help, hope or inspiration.
Please feel free to reach out any time if have any questions at all. I can only speak from my own experience openly and honestly, but I have found when others have done that for me it has helped massively.
It does take time, and I have had to put some hard work in. It has been very difficult, but found it does get easier as that time passes. It’s a process that cannot be rushed, one step (or push in my case) at a time.
Each time I make a step forward that experience tells me I can progress, and I feel better when I move past it. When I have a bad day, I remind myself of where I was and that I never thought I’d get this far. So with each step forward I grow in strength and resolve. Physical and mental pain is there for a reason, and I have started using that as a positive experience too. It’s helped the growing process, reminds me of what is important to me.
The other surprising thing I found, is initially I had to become selfish to deal with myself. I had to focus on what I thought of me, and not others. Only you know what you are truly experiencing. I now look at it as being self-full. If I am not good to myself then I am no good to others, I go into people pleasing and all sorts of other behaviours to make myself feel better. I’ll leave it there, as I can ramble on for hours with this stuff.

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You are such a strong and beautiful person, @Mr_Kink1!

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You are too kind, but thank you.
One last thing I will say is about anger. It is a secondary emotion, and that little snippet helps me a lot. If I have got angry, once I am passed that I will try and look at what came before that. More often than not, for me, the thing that actually ‘made me’ feel angry is nothing. The reason why I get angry at the time is normally something else; shame, guilt, embarrassment, envy, or just simply me not doing the right thing. Meditation helps as sometimes it is stuff I’m not consciously aware of (big fan of meditation in many ways, helps me sexually too!).

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