Hi  bit of a damp squid subject but is there anyone who could give me some advice on coping with Vaginismus . I am happily married and love my hubby to bits but sex is beyond painful and i am just looking for ideas to try make it better .
I think I'd take a trip to the local GUM clinic. The staff there are amazing and the services are under threat - it's a use it or lose it situation. You may get access to a psycho-sexual counsellor and they're amazing. I've had CBT but the PS counsellors I've seen are a totally different league.
You may get a set of dilators prescribed but the only ones I've seen were stainless steel. Great as a dildo, not so great as a dilator. I had a very dear friend who had cervical cancer in her 70s. She became a widow at 49 and hadn't had sex or used tampons (or ever masturbated) since then so her vagina had just closed. When she was due radiotherapy they couldn't access the area needed so they handed her the set of steel dilators and told her to get on with it. She was horrified and very embarrassed.
If you can't get to a clinic soon I have seen a set of dilators on Lovehoney.
Good luck.
I would definitely agree with VR about going to your local sexual health clinic or your GP and ask to be refered to a psychosexual therapist (you can also do this privately). There are different things that cause Vaginimus and it is important to make sure you are treating the right "issue".
Dilators are great, particularly ones that can also be used as a vibrator so that they aren't just a medical device, but a pleasurable tool as well. I would also suggest plenty of lube. I would say go for an anal lube as it is generally thicker and more cushioning which can really help.
In the meantime, have you considered looking into non penetrative sex? Oral sex or mutual masturbation can be just as fun as penetrative sex. Erotic massages can be great also. If he feels he needs the feeling of penetration, you could look at toys like the fleshlight or even just simple masturbation sleeves. Tenga eggs are a lot of fun, as they are inexpensive and can be used multiple times if you are a little careful with it and wash it. They have plenty of different textures so you can buy a few and mix things up. Anal could also be a possibility if you are interest in trying that.
Speaking as a penis owner, my partner's love, affection, and physical attention is way more important to me than the specific act of penetrative sex. Your husband will hopefully feel the same, and be open to you both enjoying each other without it having to be a stressful or painful act for you.
I personally can feel just as satisfied if I come outside the body, through mutual masturbation, toys, oral, breast play, etc.
Both of your bodies have lots of erogenous zones to explore besides the obvious ones. The vagina is just one part of the female sex organs. The clitoris is definitely the most fun part for my wife, and this is easily accessible without any penetration. If penetration is really important to you, in addition to the excellent advice from the other posts here, A friend once told me about using a dilator set, which helped her with post-op recovery. The first set she used were inflexible, so she switched to a set with a softer, more flexible material, which massively helped avoid pain. I might also recommend, depending on what girth you're trying to work up to, investing in something like the Vixen Creations Vixskin Mustang dildo for a bit of practice away from expectation and performance anxieties with your husband. The silicone's pretty squishy, particularly at the tip, and it has a flexible, firmer core, so it feels pretty damned realistic, unlike most dildo's I've met. Vixskin's silicone is easily warmed up to body temperature in warm water too, so relaxation's made easier. The other thing about Mustang, which may help, is that the shaft is slightly taller than it is wide (kinda oval cross-section) which makes it relatively easier to insert, and the shaft tapers to its widest point at the base, so working up to taking in the girth can be a gradual thing. Best of luck, whichever path you chose!Hello, all sympathy for your situation.
I think people have given excellent advice and I can't better it. I can only offer a couple of tips which may or may not apply to your situation:
1. I get Replense Vaginal Moisturiser on prescription. I asked my GP and it is really helpful.
2. If you are at all near the menopause then Vagifem supositories are also avalaible on prescription and can really help when it comes to applying estrogen where it needs to be without any other risks.
I think specialised therapy can go a long way. I know there are waiting lists. Most important is an understanding partner, so communication is a key factor. I hope you can talk to each other and find ways of relaxing together and being intimate with no 'end goal'.
I had a similar situation 20yrs ago, with much less advice around. Today's dialator sets which also vibrate can give pleaure too, and help your mind to associate that part of your body with pleasure? Trust yourself and your body, and ask those who are close to you to be sympathetic and to let you take your time.
Good luck!
I started to edit my post but ran out of time...
Try a good lube - often things bought over the counter in high street chemists just don't meet the mark.
Lovehoney sell silicone lube which is good. I like the Sliquid Natural Gel one too.
Lots of people have wonderful sex lives which don't involve penetrative sex. Maybe strike it off the agenda for a while and focus on other ways of enjoying each other?
I have suffered from this and my dr referred to a physio. Not the best experience but I can now enjoy sex without the pain. Hopefully this will help