Hello there. I'm new to the forums, but I've been wanting some info on this. I searched through the forums a little, but I can't find anything relevant.
I only recently got sexually active at 21, but I caught up quite quickly. There's only one thing I really am unable to - and that's having my vagina penetrated. One finger in is tight, two fingers hurts slightly. A friend of mine has something similar and said it was vaginismus. I'm hoping to see a doc sometime soon about it - but I want to know a few things. Is this just psychological? Is there a possibility I'm just too small down there?
Just thought i'd say, Hi and welcome to the forums :)
Sorry but its not something I know much about. Maybe some of the others might have some info or experiancess for you. Tis good you gona see the doc about it and I hope things improve soon.
Puppies x
erm have not come across have a freind who can not cum but nothing like tht. have u tried making sure ur properally aroused first. it could all be in the mind u kno 1 of those werid things u just may not let ur self sorry dunno talking rubbish. hope you can find sum1 to help u. best of luck fingers crossed for u xxxx
Hello and welcome!
I have this exact issue.
For me, sex is painful every time and for a while it was impossible. I struggle with more than 1 finger aswell and toys are sore inside. I tear easily but have no pain following penetration, it is only when pressure is placed on the skin.
Definitely see a doctor as there are different causes.
Would reading my story help? Be prepared....this will be long haha!
I started having sex at 16 and it was painful, it was always sore but with loads of lube and condoms we managed.
Then in May 2007 it started to get unbearable, I couldn't even use tampons any more and sex was literally impossible.
I went to a doctor who suspected thrush I knew she was wrong but went along with the treatment and swabs anyway just to rule it out, after 2 treatments for thrush I requested seeing a different doctor who referred me to a gynae.
My gynae was lovely, but not terribly clued up and did a biopsy for something called Lichen Sclerosis which I have since discovered was unneccessary as I had none of the symptoms. The biopsy was negative and she referred me to an expert in the field of LS. He was also lovely but had different priorities. He tried me on steroid cream (something the previous gynae had also tried) first, then anaesthetic cream followed by botox injections into the muscle (very painful but there is evidence to suggest it may work so it's worth giving a go if you're offered it). Unfortunately for me, none of these treatments were successful.
He also referred me to a physio (yes for down there!) who suggested I do PC exercises. Now these did work. They sent it back to painful rather than being unbearable. Which indicated that some of it was psychological as my body was automatically tensing up in preparation for the pain and the exercises helped to relax those muscles but I still am sure that the original pain was physical.
Following this I was referred to a psycosexual therapist by which point I was fed up of my gynae trying to tell me it was all in my head rather than my body (I knew the difference) so I went once then stopped going.
Now, in August 2008 I was diagnosed with a connective tissue disorder which I have since twigged was probably the reason for my pain - a side effect of my connective tissue disorder (which has symptoms of chronic pain and fatigue) is nerve damage and my gynae had said that my nerves were confusing pressure with pain. So I have a reason, but not a cure (for me!).
However there are many causes for pain during penetration - endometriosis being one of them so it's very worth seeing a gynae.
Tips?
Write down what you suffer, what makes it worse, what it feels like, does it ache after attempted penetration, do you tear?
Your gynae will also ask brief questions about your lifesyle (job etc.).
Be open minded to what they suggest, you never know what'll work 'til you try it.
In the meantime, loads of lube will help, I find condoms make my lover slimmer and smoother which can help.
Also try kegal (the muscles that stop your pee midflow) exercises...I tense as tight as possible for 10 seconds and release for 10 seconds 10 times, twice a day. Then before penetration I do them again, and if I get increased pain during sex, I stop and squeeze around my partner a few times before continuing and learn how to stop all together when necessary.
As for the psychological side of it....is it knocking your confidence? It did for me and I have some tips on that too if you want them but I'll leave it there for now as this is an essay haha - happy to add confidence tips too though if you need it, it's normal to feel gutted about it but there are things that will help :)
I still have the pain - but I have a disorder that explains it, for you, it's may well be very treatable so don't worry
Good luck and ask me as many questions as you like!!
Axx
sexycornishcouple wrote:
erm have not come across have a freind who can not cum but nothing like tht. have u tried making sure ur properally aroused first. it could all be in the mind u kno 1 of those werid things u just may not let ur self sorry dunno talking rubbish. hope you can find sum1 to help u. best of luck fingers crossed for u xxxx
This can make a difference too!!
I find it hard to relax, but when I do, the pain is way less than normal (but still there)
Ax
ouch we feel for u what a horrible time it u must of had AandW
Thanks - for me penetration isn't possible at all. My first time with a guy ended with him just sort of humping my clitoris. It doesn't really knock my confidence- there are tons of ways to have fun, but when I'm alone with a guy and I suspect it might go towards sex, I sort of clamp shut and go home so to speak. Okay, so confidence is shaky on that.
And thanks for the Kegel tip - I had no idea it could work! I just assumed it was to make things tighter, which I really don't need.
sexycornishcouple wrote:
erm have not come across have a freind who can not cum but nothing like tht. have u tried making sure ur properally aroused first. it could all be in the mind u kno 1 of those werid things u just may not let ur self sorry dunno talking rubbish. hope you can find sum1 to help u. best of luck fingers crossed for u xxxx
Well, I think the first time I tried I was a little worried about pain, but still horny as fuck. Second time I was very aroused, it was in a threesome and I wanted some of the action, but the two fingers already hurt. Also, I've had a ton of fun with other kinds of sex, so I don't think it's just not letting myself come or something like that.
ur first 3sum tho could of been a bit taunting will i be as gd as the other people. to be honest i think the best advice ur going to get is off AandW
Thanks sexycornishcouple External Media
TentacleDucky wrote:
Thanks - for me penetration isn't possible at all. My first time with a guy ended with him just sort of humping my clitoris. It doesn't really knock my confidence- there are tons of ways to have fun, but when I'm alone with a guy and I suspect it might go towards sex, I sort of clamp shut and go home so to speak. Okay, so confidence is shaky on that.
And thanks for the Kegel tip - I had no idea it could work! I just assumed it was to make things tighter, which I really don't need.
Ok - when you see a gynae, they may suggest a dialator. You get 3, hard plastic tubes that are tapered (look like basic vibes), small, medium and large. Inserting the small one to begin with, combining with kegals and using it daily, then working up to the bigger sizes.
If you wanted to give it a go while you wait, you could get a very small, hard dildo or vibe (I find hard is better as it slides in easier due to it's structured-ness) and insert it with lots of lube and lots of relaxation and try doing kegal exercises around it. Using it every day may make it easier for your body to take? I'm no expert though so best to try things like this under medical supervision.
Ax
Oooh forgot to say - confidence wise...I think it's important to take the emphasis off penetration - who needs it! It's the clit that does all the work and most men (well the ones I know) prefer blowjobs to penetration....yeah you might like to get there one day, but no need to worry about it in the meantime as your time will come - and the benefit is you'll be super tight for longer if you hold of penetration for a while haha!
Any man (you don't say if you're in a relationship) worth your time, will wait, until you are ready, or else be happy without penetration so.
It's nothing to be ashamed with, be open with your prospective men and if it heads in the direction of sex say you are "vaginally challenged" but are perfectly healthy and will give a killer blowjob in return for enthusiastic oral from him!
Ax
no man will turn down that offer not unless hes got somthing wrong with him
Blimey, I am probably the only bloke to have read this thread, but my god, it sounds like an awful thing to have to deal with. Hats off to you TentacleDucky for bring the subject up and for being so strong and open about it, you do yourself a credit.
I agree with AandW, promise a bloke a great blow job and hand job in return for good oral and he will be very happy!
It might be possible if you haven't had alot of sex that your body just hasn't gotten used to it yet. When I first got active, my OH would stick a finger in at first. It hurt, but as time went on it started hurting less so we moved onto two fingers. That hurt quite a bit but we kept going because I wanted to enjoy it. Two fingers never really stopped hurting until we started having sex. My first time having sex was absolutely excruciating, and the several times after that were pretty painful too. I knew it wasn't psychological because (long story short) I was expecting the third time to be awesome and pain-free but it wasn't. On the 6th time we tried using lube (even though I was naturally quite wet) and it still hurt, but not quite as much. . It was quite a while before sex became pain-free, and even now there's still a slight pang for the first 30 seconds or so after inital penetration.
I don't know how sexually active you are right now, but if you're reasonably new to penetration it may be that your body hasn't gotten used to it yet. Make sure you use plenty of lube whenever you have any sexual contact, and make sure you build up to any penetration with whatever foreplay works for you.
There's been some great advice from the other peeps here too.
Ecks that's exactly why doc's will prescribe dialators to women with this problem as tightness can be the cause
Good advice and thanks for the story too! I think we should talk about things like this more - magazines and other sources make sex out to be this wonderful thing, and really, sometimes it takes some adjustment
Ax
Just to add - sometimes adjustment just doesn't work (didn't for me) and that's ok too, but at least worth ruling it out if that's the case
Ax
AdnaW wrote:
Thanks sexycornishcouple External Media
TentacleDucky wrote:
Thanks - for me penetration isn't possible at all. My first time with a guy ended with him just sort of humping my clitoris. It doesn't really knock my confidence- there are tons of ways to have fun, but when I'm alone with a guy and I suspect it might go towards sex, I sort of clamp shut and go home so to speak. Okay, so confidence is shaky on that.
And thanks for the Kegel tip - I had no idea it could work! I just assumed it was to make things tighter, which I really don't need.Ok - when you see a gynae, they may suggest a dialator. You get 3, hard plastic tubes that are tapered (look like basic vibes), small, medium and large. Inserting the small one to begin with, combining with kegals and using it daily, then working up to the bigger sizes.
If you wanted to give it a go while you wait, you could get a very small, hard dildo or vibe (I find hard is better as it slides in easier due to it's structured-ness) and insert it with lots of lube and lots of relaxation and try doing kegal exercises around it. Using it every day may make it easier for your body to take? I'm no expert though so best to try things like this under medical supervision.
Ax
My friend had the same problem and using the gilators really helped! Good luck! x
Thanks for all the advice!
Hi there,
Just to say I too suffered from vaginismus and let you know what helped me. It is a pyshchological condition and there are trained Pyschosexual counsellors who can help you if you feel the need. This is what helped me. BASRT gives a list of Pyschosexual Therapists in the UK and tells you which ones specialise in vaginismus. It can be quite expensive but it set me on the road to recovery! They will access your individual needs and help you to overcome your problem.
Vaginismus has a lot of emotions that go with it and can really affect your confidence and make you feel insecure or inadequate, but it can be sorted out pretty easily with the right help! I still can't believe there is so little helpful information out there about this condition.
I hope this helps!
Sorry forgot to add you can sometimes get to see a therapist through the nhs. You may need to get referred by your GP. It is worth finding out about as then it is free. However it sounds like you are already starting to work through it and this may not be relevant to you. I had quite a severe case to start with but now things are fine!