You both need a very open and lovingly frank discussion on what you both want with your marriage going forward.
Me & my OH/SO did it before we were married and at every difficult step since in 20+ years we know what we need to work together as a team. It doesn’t mean you want stumble you just need to sit and chat either at home with a cuppa or pack a picnic and embrace the winters chill, you’d have until hyperthermia sets in or you can’t speak for the chattering teeth.
As it reads you both are scared of what the other is going to say in response to each other. If you can’t do it in a there and then Q&A style conversation there are fun bedroom apps you can get an idea of what each is thinking on these matters. Examples can be found in many forum posts on here like spicer or xconfessions
Or simply write her a little letter in the new year when everything is calming down and you both can think straight without other things getting in your head space.
Here’s to your first step in to the new year and a new chapter of your marriage.