Hi guys
Have had my first appointment with my psychologist and it went really well she understood my reasoning for wanting a castration and she talked through the process of getting a letter to confirm that I am of sound mind and no one is pushing me to get this. M I should only need 2 to 3 sessions to satisfy the requirements then I will have to find a surgeon who is willing to perform this procedure. And hopefully I will be pain free in the next month or so fingers crossed.
Canāt really offer much on the original question, but couldnāt help reiterating Wills concern when you mentioned Turkey.
My wife works in the NHS, dealing with gastric bands and other weight loss surgeries. A good portion of her working week is spent putting right people who went to Turkey to avoid waiting lists. Some of the work done there and the state they send people home in is absolutely criminal (plus the fact the the nhs has to foot the bill to fix them). Iām not exaggerating when saying some of her patients have been close to death as a direct result of shoddy surgery then just been thrown on a plane home with a packet of paracetamol.
Please please please donāt go down that route to save a few quid. Itās not worth the risk.
Thats great news, did you get any response from the charities?
Iām still baffled that a surgery that has left you in pain is not sufficient for them to fix, especially as the surgery was a vasectomy so its obvious that you donāt want kids. Is there a possibility of a reversal with the vasectomy? Maybe thats why they wonāt do it?
I have been in touch with the Welsh Gender Service but will have to wait between 24-26 months which is not helpful there are various other groups and charities out there but none specifically for non binary people.
I am probably mentally ill from all this. The psychologist was very understanding and talked me through my issues and understood why I want the surgery it made me look at it in a different way. The pain aside I am not comfortable in my own body or sexuality and that is what mostly came out with the session.
I think she will support me in my wishes but will have to have a few more sessions to sort all this out I have come to the realisation I am very mixed up.
I am not going down the Turkey route I am desperate but not that desperate as you all say it is very dodgy.
I have spoken to the secretary of my latest urologist and she will speak to him about Botox injections for getting rid of the pain. I have so many things going on at the moment it is starting to make my head spin.
Thank you for your kind and considerate responses it is much appreciated
I hope the botox works for you, even temporarily so that you can be pain free while you sort through everything in your head.
Weāre always here if you need support or a chat 
Thank you for the offer of support and chat.
I am doing better at the moment not as much pain which is a welcome relief only on regular paracetamol and ibuprofen and just the dull ache which I can cope with.
Not sure on the urologist still as I have heard nothing as yet but in these times it is not a surprise.
Today I have had a bad day for pain 7/10 still worked but it was really hurting. its a stabbing pain hopefully I will get some sleep at some point tonight.
I have had a message from the urologist team and apparently botox will not help my problem as it is testicular pain. I feel it is just a fobing me off like it been for a few years now
Thats a shame. Iām still so surprised and at the same time not at all surprised that youāre being allowed to live in pain.
Yes I know it has been like that for years now. It is a very disjointed service that cannot help.
Have another session with the psychologist in a few days time so that is something to plan. It is a lot of money but it is worth it if it gets me to my goal to being pain free.
Pain has eased a bit now which I am glad about it seems to be coming in waves at the moment probably due to the strong pain killers I am taking.
I was in so much pain last night and my balls swelled up I had to go to A&E. They were nice and tried to help but all they could do is an ultrasound scan of my balls give me more pain killers and antibiotics I know I probably donāt have an infection but would have taken too long to explain
Thats awful! Hopefully it will go in your favour of getting actual treatment.
Are you feeling ok today?
I canāt walk properly as one ball is about twice the size it was 2 days ago had to go for an emergency ultrasound scan today they think it is an infection but they are going to get a urologist to look at the scan as the radiographer is not happy with the scan but they wonāt tell me why which is frustrating the other ball just hurts as usual.
Not knowing is always scary and frustrating, hopefully it all goes in your favour and you get an answer soon.
Iām conscious that weāre not meant to talk 1 on 1 but I couldnāt not reply to that.
Oh I didnāt know that. Thank you for the reply, how do we talk one on one then. If you are not allowed?
I had a better nights sleep and feeling better pain has subsided and my ball is a little less swollen
I havenāt tried or heard of TENS before so I have looked it up. I am willing to try anything, would have to find where to place the pads though. It sounds painful having electric shocks
Its not painful, a TENS machine can be used to help with muscle pain. They can be really relaxing. I would try it on your back or legs or something first so you know what to expect. But speak to the urologistbwhen you get your results to make sure there would be no detriment to you trying it.
We can talk as a group but not 1 on 1 so people donāt think theyād be interrupting a conversation. Every conversation is inclusive so no one feels like they canāt contribute to a thread.
I will have a look and might ring the urologists Secretary to try to get an answer through her they are going to get sick of me ringing them lol 
. Sounds like it could help though so worth a try.
Hi thanks for testing it out it sounds like it might well work to help the pain for the meantime. I just donāt want to exasibate the problem. But I am willing to try anything
I used to be active member of a body modification ezine website a few years ago and, although I could not find the article now, I remember an active member in the community was a eunuch (and removed their nipples too at a later date). I found that person intelligent and attractive.
There are some informative articles on a website called Modblog; some of the eunuchs on there performed their own castration and talk about their experiences. But there are also reflections on their relationships, sex, and attitudes they face.
Please donāt do it yourself @lumberjack !