Friends with benefits - part 2

Sex Tips & Talk
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Based on this original post in a “Friends with Benefits” discussion LOCATED HERE a reply later on was posted stating

I wanted to start a new discussion so as not to pull the original post off on a tangent and will address the quote above.

My assumption is that you have not experienced a friend with benefits situation yet given the statement @AJSTAR ;

Blockquote
I always question how people are able to emotionally detach from sex…

I understand that from a logical standpoint but it’s not how it works albeit there can be attraction and or jealousy involved in some cases. I will give a few personal examples for you to consider.

I had a same sex friend with benefits at one point. We hooked up just to socialize and feel good emotionally or sexually. No interest in a relationship and we only hooked up if both of us were single at any given time. We knew each other well, we were comfortable with each other, and we both liked to get off when there was nothing else going on in our social lives. No interest in an ongoing relationship. Friend with benefits.

I had a trans friend that we sat up many late nights talking about many of the topics here on LH forums. We would hook up from time to time with no obligation given we were both actively dating. If we were both single at the moment, good for an evening to try something new. If either had a date, will try next time. Friend with benefits.

I had a really good female friend my last year of high school in Virginia, USA. She was a bit of a nomad and I returned to Canada but we always kept in touch. Over several years we managed to end up in the same place at the same time and were sexually involved but there was no expectation that anything more would come of it from either of us. Sadly we lost touch after one time we spent too much time in close quarters together. Friend with benefits.

Had a local friend that neither of us were really drawn to each other but we had some really shared kinky interests. We hooked up for scenes with no obligation. Friend with benefits.

I once met a lady 20 years older than me and we hooked up about every second weekend. She loved to cook and get laid, I loved to eat and get laid. Her being a union rep eventually ruined it given I am a true capitalist but all good until then.

Hoping some of my examples will explain how one can have a fuck buddy and not be emotionally attached. Sex can possibly just be just a friendly thing rather than emotional.

Did I convince you?

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I agree that some people are able to have sex without any emotion attached.

However, for others, like myself, sex is much more of an emotional connection than a physical one. I personally wouldn’t be able to sleep with someone without it, just wouldn’t feel the same level attraction to the person.

It’s not so much about convincing someone, it’s about understanding that not everyone requires an emotional connection or established relationship with an intimate partner or fwb, while many others do.

As someone who needs that emotional connection, I understand @AJSTAR’s comment about how people can detach the emotion. This is because for me, sex is not just an enjoyable act, but a deeper, more meaningful connection between two people on more than a physical level. I know others don’t need this, but as I can’t experience it from that side, it isn’t something I can fathom doing or fully understand.

Sex isn’t the same for everyone, and it’s important to remember that. Although I do sleep with my OH for fun, we share similar views on the depth of connection the act holds, and for either of us, a fwb doesn’t fit that scenario.

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I will come back on this later bc I have had friends with benefits in the past but its not something that would interest me now, when I’ve had sex with feelings. Its just on a different level, and I would never want anything less now.

Also, I do see fuck buddies and FWBs as very different things :wrench:

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Well… crap. I have to agree with that comment as well. I wasn’t trying to dissect the whole FWB issue as much as counter @AJSTAR 's comment as an alternative. What wrecks the whole FWB thing is if one or both have a little possessiveness or jealously involved. IMO it needs to be between trusted friends with no strings attached.

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I didn’t know there was a difference, is a fuck buddie not someone you would call a friend?

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Yes but friendship levels can vary. @JoCat is correct that there is a difference but I will wait for her response before I argue… I mean… comment.

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I mentioned it bc you went from FWB to fuck buddy in your spiel, so this is all on you B :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Now this is only MY interpretation, from seeing how people interact on Fabswingers and how they approach sex without a relationship.

A fuck buddy, is sex, thats it. No conversation in between, other than checking availability. Get straight to the sex, no cups of tea or snacks first. Both may already be warmed up and ready to go. Think Panda…shoots and leaves.

FWB is a friend, with the benefit of sexual activity, of whatever sort you both want. You chat between visits, you may also go for lunch, or drinks, bc thats what friends do. Heavy on the friendship.

Now, I’ve had FWBs that I didn’t see between visits but we did chat in between. We’d also chat while we’re undressing, then during and after sex, but the visits were for sex. They wouldn’t have come and I wouldn’t have invited them for anything other than sex. I’d still put them in the FWB category.

I’m not trying to change anyones mind about how they interpret fuck buddy vs FWB, this is just how I see it.

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Back to the topic.

I’ve had a fair few FWBs, all from fabswingers. A taxi driver recommended it to me after I ranted to him about men lying on their profiles on dating apps and that I wanted sex but I wasn’t going to reward them for lying and WHY CAN’T THEY JUST BE HONEST PATRICK?! Poor Patrick lol

I’ve had 4 profiles on fab. The 3rd profile is when I accumulated my previous FWBs. The 4th profile was my most successful bc it was about me doing what I wanted to do and my trusty FWBs from profile 3 were up for the ride. I’ve always needed a connection, needed the spark, couldn’t have sex with just anybody. If I felt they would be fun for a short time, then I wasn’t interested. I didn’t want a relationship, but I didn’t want just sex either, bc for me, I need there to be more than just 2 bodies.

So as much as I agree that sex can be without a romantic relationship, I definitely need that emotional connection of a relationship, of sorts. And I just think the sex is so much better when theres feelings and you really care for the other person(s). I wouldn’t have sex without it.

No one is wrong in the way they approach sex, as long as they’re open and honest with themselves and their potential partners.

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Ok… not as bad as I expected and mostly agree. I would likely blur the lines a little closer than you do between fuck buddy and FWB.

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LOL… also noticed @AJSTAR hasn’t jumped in here yet. Perhaps busy offline.

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He may not, tbf he has already stated his position :tipping_hand_man:t2:

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We have had great back and forth discussions lately. I think he is just busy this weekend. Will be fun when he comes back.

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This! Oh the passion and feelings just make it so much more incredible :hot_face:

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Normally… yes. There are situations where simple exploration or experimentation play a part as well outside a relationship. @Jocat referred to the difference between a f**k buddy and a friend with benefits which I both understand and agree with.

F**k buddy - “Are you free Friday at 8?”
FWB - “You want to grab something to eat then head to your place?”
Dating - “What are we doing this weekend?”
Married - “The bank called and need our signatures on the second mortgage.”

Just sayin… LOL

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I don’t think that anyone is disputing that some people can have tickle time outside of a relationship and enjoy it and be fulfilled.

It’s the mobile phone thing all over again, just because some people enjoy it, doesn’t mean that everyone does and it doesn’t take anything away from those that do enjoy it.

I’ve had it in the past and enjoyed it at the time, but after having sex with feelings, I wouldn’t want it any other way now. Outside of my sexual partner, I wouldn’t have a FWB relationship and if I was to have sex with someone else, it would be in a romantically sexually charged relationship. Otherwise I don’t want it.

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Hmm you raise many good points there and sounds like have had many experiences of this which is good!

I’m glad you’ve been able to expand my mind on it a little better :smiley:

Still I think the emotional side to things can play havoc on this kind of arrangement eventually but it is good to maintain that all is different and what works for some may not be right for others and that in itself is why humans are so beautifully complexed creatures of intelligence :nerd_face:

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Haha I took the weekend off here as got caught up in work :sweat_smile: am now catching up on everything

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Fair enough. I have had many FWB experiences but only with a few different partners if that makes sense. Your profile is private but based on the many discussions we have had I am guessing you are much younger than me and not currently in a relationship. I am late 50’s now and cycled through a variety of relationship status ranging from long term to convience. Totally get that not just wanting to get off outweighs a proper relationship. It all adds to the mix over the years. It has never been something I went looking for. It just seemed to happen.

BTW… get @JoCat to learn you up on how to argue better. I was hoping for a little good natured back and forth here.

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I’ve had sex without feelings before. Wasn’t great to be honest, but that was probably more that he was focussed on his own orgasm rather than mine. It wasn’t the same as with emotion, but I was single and needing sorting out, so any port in a storm :rofl:

Now husband had a number of sexual arrangements with women at various places of work over the years. In all cases, he was friends with them, cared about them, but absolutely didn’t want relationships with them, so there was emotion, he was interested in their orgasms and thus the sex was great. Random sex with strangers wasn’t his style, but that is because (so it turns out) he’s demisexual, so needs an emotional attachment of some sort to get off.

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I completely get that. Friends with benefits implies just that… they are a friend. With ongoing encounters with the same person or people you get to know what each other likes and what each is interested in. You can’t figure out all the good stuff with a one night stand.

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