Hi guys, I'm writing on behalf of my wife, who seeked my assistance with her sex drive. She's never had a high sex drive before, and since having a child has never even managed to find what she had before. She wants to try one of those viagra for women pills, but I'd rather get some female advice first. I suggested she needs to find herself sexually, she uses a bullet vibrator a couple of times when she's alone, and I've said perhaps something different that she could use in the shower (normally the only place and time she gets a moment to herself) but she's never fancied a rabbit style vibrator.
Any advice or suggestions would be 100% appriciated.
My libido has just returned after years of nothingness. I found wearing a basque and stockings really made me feel sexy.
Maybe some sweet, attentive, no-expectations massage from you would help her feel relaxed, loved, desireable.
Possibly reading, or better still writing, erotic prose/letters/stories.
My SO and I really have an arousing time sexting - it's non threatening, you can let your imagination run wild, and it's easier to get into a sexy vibe when your partner isn't there, with possible expectations and you're dreading disappointing them.
Good luck! My very best wishes to your wife. I hope she finds herself and enjoys her sexuality.
Hey Chris and Carly, I’m not female but I have a lot of experience in terms of dealing with fluctuations in sex drive and how having children changes things. I think the first question is why and how is your partner measuring her sex drive? There is no amount of drive that anyone needs in life to be “normal” etc. So maybe you should communicate about this, has anything been done or said to make her feel like she’s got a low sex drive? Because once you have a stress like that in your head it’s a shovel to dig deeper. For example if you felt like you had a problem maintaining an erection, when it comes to the big event your head will over think and make the situation worse. So maybe try and let her know that sex drives range for everyone, I understand social media and certain magazines portray that happy couples are literally banging like rabbits every morning and night but for most of us it’s only 1 or 2 times a week. She’s still using vibrators etc in her own time which shows she still has a spark for things and has urges so to me this shows it’s more of her beating herself down about a “low sex drive”. Especially after having children the whole world changes, physically things aren’t the same and you do feel self conscious, mentally you now have more to worry about I. Life, rather than being able to scream the house down your whispering to make sure the baby stays asleep, your exhausted because of night feeds and trying to give attention to the baby and slowly things do become very detached with the world.
Also age becomes a huge factor, urges and drives for sex seem to rollercoaster as we grow up. In our early twenties were usually full of zing and see the world full of sexual energy, but as we reach our late 30s early 40s it sort of dips again for most of us and then after that it goes up again. But sex drive isn’t something that we can control, a healthy diet with plenty of exercise and a happy and stress free life will help, and lots of communication with your partner. You say the shower is the only time she gets alone, why is this? Maybe she’s tired and needs some free time. I know as soon as my partner came home from the hospital it was a Thursday and I told her to go out on the Friday with her girl friends and have a drink as she had felt really out of touch and distant from them all, I stayed home with the baby and she came back like a new woman. We now take everything in shifts, so I handle the kids after work and she has her free time from 5:30 onwards and I get to bond with the children. During the baby process i basically did 90% of the night feeds as she was usually exhausted from the day looking after the baby, because it’s mentally and physically demanding.
I think the bottom line is everyone needs to to realise there is no such chart or measurement for sex drives. We all have different thoughts and feelings and whether you want to have sex once a day, once a week, one a month or even once a year that’s totally fine. As long as you express with your partner how you feel then you both need to understand and respect eachother. Give you’re partner her free time And space and maybe do more in terms of boosting her confidence. Tell her she’s the most beautiful person you have ever seen, kiss her randomly and buy her flowers and her favourite things, so stupid stuff like order takeaways and watch crappy shows on tv or online. And don’t forget who you both were at the start, you can buy plenty of pink pills or lady viagra but you need to focus on the whole situation. No pill or balm will fix you instantly and maybe it’s somethimg simple like not feeling appreciated that needs to be worked on.
Sex drive is complicated as it can be affected by many different things; stress, physical health, etc; getting plenty of exercise can help; also, maybe just play around sometimes; don't expenct full sex. Just a bit of foreplay for fun, and it might build on that!
My OH is kinda in the same place, she has some crazy work patterns which make her very tired which in turn turns off her sex drive, maybe try some massages and erotic reading. On your end, try complimenting her more and giving more effection which should make her feel better and sexier.
Hi Chris I've said this on many threads but I've bought sex dice. Sounds silly but when you play with them together and have fun with them they genuinely open up sex again. I had major issues after I had am operation and they really helped me get back into sex really! Great thing about them is you can explore each other without the pressure of sex, I think they might really help you. We use them a lot now just for fun