First time posting on here so hoping I can get some helpful advice. My wife and I have very different sex drives. Mine very high and hers very low. Anyone got any good advice on bringing them closer in line? Anything that has worked in the past for anyone? I have tried bringing up this subject several times with little success. Thanks for your help in advance everyone
So hubby and I used to be *POLES* apart! He wanted it all the time and I never wanted it. I beat it out of him...JOKES!!
In all honesty I stopped feeding our child and stopped taking contraception. That’s when things changed and the ‘old’ me came back; with vengeance.
Is she stressed at work? Does she lack confidence? Does she not want any physical affection?
We also went Poles apart after the kids come along. I spent years trying to get her in the mood but the kids and stress always won. I tried everything. I took over the cooking, did cleaning, took the kids out the way so she could rest (I didnt even want it those nights)...
Long and sad story short is ours didnt improve until the kids got to an age, when the can get a drink or snack for them selfs etc. Mine is still higher but I'm happy with twice a week now :)
So to answer you, you might have to lower yours rather than increase hers :(
Definitely agree with the children becoming more independent helping things! Ours is still up once or twice a night 😔
We have sex every night he’s home. Although the other night he did have a strop that there wasn’t any foreplay and I had to stop and go back a step or two!
I would suggest taking some of the chores away and giving her as much rest as she wants. Just kiss and cuddle her, tell her you just want to be close and nothing has to ‘happen’. When I was not quite myself I really cherished those moments when we kissed, cuddled and reconnected.
All the best!
Used to be like this. It was the contraceptive doing there job. My husband got a vasectomy and I come off anything. It’s so nice to feel normal and have a decent sex drive again. We have a 7 and 3 year old, so life is busy and hectic, and with 9 days of school runs left, we are super tired but manage to get some playtime in most days now. Depending on point in cycle is dependent on how I. The mood I am though.
I completely lost my sex drive when I went back onto contraception after having our youngest. Hes 5 now, eldest is 8. I came off contraception around a year ago, and I am like the old me again.
Luckily, I got sterilised even though I am young due to the issues I have had with contraception they did it. Best thing I ever did!
If she is on the pill (or another hormonal contraception) I would strongly advised you to consider giving it up for a little while ( I'm sorry, condoms aren't the most fun!) and see how she goes after that. I brought both mine and my husbands sex drives back in line again!
Some helpful stuff there. Thanks everyone for your advice. Appreciate it. : )
From personal experience... mine was low when I felt insecure about my body and also felt like there was no point as I wasn’t getting anything out of it... sad reality, it’s hard to make a woman cum. You’re on here so I’m assuming you have a few toys. Research some ways to make her never want to say no again. Could try doing something new that she wouldn’t expect from you and re-sparks her interest? Make her feel beautiful. Compliment her always. That helps massively when it comes to boosting confidence. Worship the parts of her she hates. Kiss every stretch mark she has. I am by no means perfect by my OH makes me feel amazing. I’ve never felt more confident.
my experience is like trines. OH has far lower drive than me. I oull my weight around hte house, do childcare, cooking, cleaning etc. Always give her time to herself and compliment her and try and make her feel better about herself..
So done all the obvious stuff its just a fact she has a lower drive then me and i have to live with it. But as kids have got older the rate has started to go up. But its gone up in tandem so i still have a higher drive than her!
i’m in similar situation pal,she still likes sex but it very straight forward.dosent like anything other than lights off missionary.takes a lot of booze to let me go down on her even,she likes it when she boozed but hates me even seeing her vagina when sober.hard to convince her i love it
For me when I used to not want sex a lot of it was self confidence issues, I just didn’t feel sexy or even remotely good looking so that mentally put me off having sex. Buying stuff from here and taking the time to mentally work on how I felt about myself, really really helped. I find when I am most confident ow is when I’m all dressed up and looking good. Maybe run a hot bath so she can get all relaxed and feel good and check out some of the nice underwear on here. Make her feel really good about herself so that she feels confident and beautiful always goes a long way. Also hormonal contraceptives sometimes can be the cause for a low sex drive, not sure if anything like that is being used but if so could always go and see if there’s anything else that the doctors could give you to help with the low sex drive? Or change whatever contraception you are using. I used to be on a different pill to what I am now and it made my sex drive none existent, now I changed over to a different kind it’s back up again and if anything higher than normal!
Sometimes just being in a happier state of mind helps a lot.
We suffered a bad patch because Mrs LabRat was stressed at work and tired due to lack of sleep etc. I was trying to get her interested but wasn't having much luck. In the end it was a combination of things that turned it around. Supporting her to make a change in her work being the main thing. She now is much happier at work, less stressed and I try to ensure I share the chores at home etc. And also not pestering her for sex all the time so she can get some decent sleep.
We also invested in a loft conversion so we now have much more private space away from kids for sexy time.
By removing as many of the daily stresses and distractions she now has less on her mind and more time/mental capacity for intimacy, i.e. not just sex, but chilling together, kissing, talking, etc.
Good Luck... :)