My fiancéè has lost he’s sex drive over the past year? We have been together for nearly 8 year but lately it’s non existence and sex is a must for me and it’s driving my crazy and feel like I’m putting pressure on him all time time HELP!!
Hi. Sorry to hear you‘re going through this. Have you tried to talk to him about where his head‘s at? x
Yeah he just says he doesn’t know what the matter with him he just has no sex drove at all but am rug hut to think I’m not being selfish because I’m trying to expect he’s wishes but it’s driving me insane and he’s not thinking if mine
Stress, Depression, or other physiological changes through hormonal variations can affect sex drives massively. It‘s also very common to find people can put up mental blocks to their own pleasure through feelings of shame or inadequacy. It‘s also easy for people to pick up habits that are damaging to relationships such as masturbating with porn instead of facing more complex human interaction. Just making suggestions here as I don‘t know either of you. No judgement implied whatsoever. This situation could be down to some things I haven‘t thought of, obviously. I‘d say many a solution to this age old problem has been found by talking things through in a non-judgemental way and really listening to the answers. He also needs to know the importance of your feelings, and your needs for intimacy, closeness and passion, ideally in a non loving and supportive way. Being supportive of his desires is a good way to build bridges for him to be more open to your desires, but it all starts with communication and understanding in my experience. I guess you‘ve probably already been down this road. Have you told him openly how you feel?
I think Knottydevil is saying everything sensible and wise.
You need to be open and honest and non-judgemental when you talk together about this - maybe with some counselling unless you feel it's just a blip.
In the meantime, it might help to keep non-sexual intimacy going - massages, cuddles, kisses, snuggling on the sofa in front of a box set, a meal etc.
Good luck!
You need to talk it out like Knottydevil says me and my wife had some problems she went off sex i turned to porn boath as a replacement for the sex and a way to take my mind off of the problems I really thought she didnt love me anymore to be honest so one day i kind of snapped and just told her exactly how i felt very bluntly to be honest and we started to sort things out then other things happend in life that lead to me getting help for the depression
Anyway i went a bit off track there so basically talk it out i know its not how it should be but us men dont like to admit when things arnt going well
Knottydevil wrote:
He also needs to know the importance of your feelings, and your needs for intimacy, closeness and passion, ideally in a non loving and supportive way. Being supportive of his desires is a good way to build bridges for
I meant loving, not non-loving! Sorry, this was typed in a hurry.
Kinky Couple 12399 has hit the spot in terms of my own experience: We guys are often very reluctant to talk about perceived failures or feelings in general. It's warped, I know, but it's kinda seen by many as a weakness, and incompatible with blokey ideals of machismo, strength, etc.
My wife has coaxed me out of this toxic mindset several times, to her great credit. She has made it feel completely safe to talk to her in confidence, intimately, and without judgement so I feel safe to speak my mind. It took many years though. But definitely worth the effort!
I wish you both the best of luck finding solutions, whatever the problem is.