Im a 37 yr old woman in a long term marriage, 22 yrs. My libido has increased alot in the past 2 years. At first my hubby was the same as me. In the past 6 months, his has changed. Weve talked, completely understand his reasons. Mostly work stress. I get very frustrated and have really tried not to make him feel bad but as much as ive tried not too i have. Which i feel bad about. Unfortunately that has made things worse. Any advice?
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Im sorry you are going through this. Im in the opposite situation. Both have massive sex drives but have neglected our relationship (never go anywhere together, only talk about work etc). A relationship is about the whole package. Sex is important but still just a part of the whole.
If you understand his issues can you do anything to support him?
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@Poleebear hello welcome to the forum all I can suggest is to keep discussing the issues as honestly as you can 
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Hi @Poleebear, welcome to the forum. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. Unfortunately I haven’t found a solution yet and it’s been several years. Like you we’ve tried talking but I only seem to make things worse and increase the resentment. My most recent attempt was to decrease my own sex drive by getting a more stressful job - it worked for a while but now I’m off work due to poor mental health! I wouldn’t recommend that as a solution.
The only thing that I find slightly helpful is to focus on the little acts of intimacy like cuddling and touching and trying to get as much from those moments as possible. I also find that asking for something small like could he stroke my legs for a few minutes or would he like a shoulder massage, gets a much more positive response than asking for sex because it takes away the pressure to perform. I wish I could give you a better solution but I’ll be watching your thread to see what others suggest and hopefully you’ll get some good advice x
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@Poleebear
Welcome to the forum.
These things happen from time to time, it is good that you are communicating. Hopefully over time it will resolve itself.
In the meantime have you considered purchasing toys from LH and having your own periods of self love, to satisfy your own needs.
As you are still communicating it would be an ideal time to bring it up, at first your OH might be slightly resentful or concerned, but will hopefully come to realise that it takes the pressure off and it helps to de-stress both of you.
As long as you communicate and the love is still there, then good sex will follow.
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Well, they call it the “dirty 30’s” because supposedly female libido increases during this time. Simultaneous, male libido supposedly decreasing consistently since teens/20’s. It is kind of an unfair mismatch.
Hopefully there is still good communication, and plenty of non-sexual touch so you stay bonded. My husband sometimes isn’t interested. Granted, I’m just one of 5 partners. But he’s very busy, and there’s quite a bit of stress for him. If he’s not paying me the attention that I want, I just get close. Naked and close. My body heat, proximity, and accessibility seems to work a lot of the time. 
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I am in the same position as you, me & my wife have been together for 22 years & my sex drive was off the scale & my wife’s has been low. We have only had sex once this YEAR​
& like you I’m so frustrated we talk I don’t push the situation & wait for her. But unfortunately my wife never seems to think about sex & I could be waiting for her forever as it doesn’t bother her.
Sorry for your situation, hope you get it sorted​
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I hear where you’re coming from, @Poleebear and can sympathise. My only thought here is to have an open and honest discussion with your hubby about the differing sex drives, and see where you can meet up. For example, how would he feel about taking more of a voyeur role while you pleasure yourself for him, those times he not up for it? There are a myriad ways to enjoy sex, not all of it PIV. Best of luck!
Hellooooo
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So recently I’ve had time off work to care for a relative, that relative passing, the stress of those things and the after affects got me down and slowed my libido. Then even more recently I lost a lot of energy, no good reason for it and again my libido took a hit. When being checked for one particular illness they actually found a sneaky issue with my blood (nothing major, a short treatment and diet will correct it). It explained so much and even just a few days of cutting back on the trigger foods completely change my energy and the libido came crashing back.
I’d always have accused stress/emotion of being a contributor but I do think mine was physical health.
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Hi and welcome to the forum. I am in a similar position, wife not really interested in sex. Everything else is just spot on and we have been married 36 years.
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Welcome to the forum 
Commiserations to hear your going through this and yet to a surprise this is a common thing to happen at some point in a relationship. The best kinds of things to try is to see how you can help relieve some of his work stresses while also trying not to make him feel pressured for sexual activities if he’s not in the mood for it.
And with your increased sex drive maybe the help of some LH toys will allow you to release urges during solo play.
The one positive is knowing this is a phase and sooner or later your sexual urges will rebalance in sync again
@Mrs.John … I applaud you for being objective about your own relationship situation.
Sex is the mortar that cements the bricks of a relationship together. Without it you have a selection of relationship aspects ( the bricks) with nothing to hold them together. If you only have mortar and no bricks , you have nothing to hold together.
@Poleebear , i suggest you go back to basics and just have intimate time with no pressure for full sex… without too much gentle persuasion, most guys will soon by tugging at the lead to go further.
Sex has to be fun with no pressure from any side.
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@Poleebear welcome 
I know its frustrating for couples. I’ve been with my husband for 30 years now and we typically haven’t matched up in our libidos 
unfortunately. I’ve always been the lower one, but I’ve always known my husband needs that physical connection soo I just think about him. Stress actually really pushes his drive up. My sex drive was zilch for a few years until I got onto antidepressants and antianxiety meds and now my sex drive has skyrocketed. My husband asked me if I no longer loved him and I told him it was my issue and that I will work on it. He was very patient and never put alot of pressure on me and I am grateful he gave me that space. I gave him a bj a few times a month because I knew he needed that release and I wanted to try to keep the physical connection, but it was maintenance with very little passion. Now we have sex almost every day I also realized that I need variations in our sex life in order to keep my interest and passion sparked.
I would suggest asking him if he has any thoughts about trying something new? That’s the part that really drove home that i needed variations. Our typical was missionary or a bj, well since my libido changed we didn’t do missionary for over 2 months and when we did, i realized this was the problem! Nothing exciting about it. I also bought some books on sex positions and I’d recommend getting one, (or two or three) having it out and see if it peaks any interest. I got 99 great sex positions, lovely photos, and curvy girl sex and they’re both great. They both got my engine sparking again
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Hi there and welcome to the forum brave opening from you which I applaud 
there will loads of fantastic advice given you ! Good luck with trying to resolve your situation 
@Poleebear
@Poleebear in similar situation myself. 11 years together n recently married. Very close family member of hers very sick for last few months, our marriage so far has been pretty much sexless. Very frustrating, can’t see anything changing soon either. Made vows when got married, gotta take the good with the bad. Iv started getting toys for myself to keep me some bit satisfied. I love her, jus gotta be patient
Our sex drives are really far apart but it’s about compromising.
I have never been with a partner that I match, either high or low.
My wife definitely puts out more than she would if I didn’t mention how I feel about contact.
It’s not pressure, just me being honest with her
Mrs. Val just got over Covid, got an ear infection and now has a bladder infection. We are set to fly off tomorrow for a week away together sans kids.
Tonight was night one in the hotel before we leave and we were supposed to be renewing our passionate side. Now, it looks like the entire trip will be a flop. She wants me to go have fun but we are heading to an adults only resort for 6 days.
I can’t imagine me heading off on my own and her not being pissed at me or at herself for being sick. This is headed to being a bunch of money poorly spent to try and reconnect sexually. I think it will be a disaster but still have hope she will come around and feel better soon.
Fingers crossed - biggest disconnect ever sexually. I can’t imagine you who have terminally ill mates. I couldn’t be on this forum if I did as it would drive me nuts hearing about all you ladies with these crazy high sex drives and Mrs. Val’s being lower than ever. Not looking forward to the next few days after planning for so long to make it a success. Sucks…
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Pretty much how my honeymoon went,had loads of lingerie n outfits in the bag n then got the news, didn’t go in the end, no point. I was pretty much going for a few dirty days together n she wasn’t up for it (understandably)
@Stuck_nomore . Someone wrote on this forum previously, that sexy ( feeling sexy) isnt a shape or size, its a state of mind.
I think you just endorsed that statement.
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