Hi everyone! I’m new and kinda shy so this is big for me to put myself out there. But I discovered and have been reading this forum for a couple weeks now and you all seem so fantastic and full of great advice!
I just ended my 13 year relationship/marriage at the beginning of the year and I have never been happier! My marriage was basically sexless (we would have sex maybe once to twice per year) and I have always been a very sexual person. He made me feel like I was weird for wanting to be intimate with him on a regular basis.
Anyway, I am now dating a guy who has quite the sexual bucket list. He has been incredibly open with me since day one. And I am very open to try pretty much anything. But he gets frustrated with me often and tells me I lack an imagination because I have a hard time coming up with ideas or fantasies of my own. It has been rather jarring to go from kind of one extreme to the other, ha. He is really into trying male chastity and pegging. He loves the thought of me being in charge. I am much more the sub type but am up for trying the dom thing! I am just so nervous about disappointing him. We are going on vacation to the beach on Saturday and I am surprising him with a chastity cage I was wondering if you wonderful people could help me out with some ideas of how we could play at the beach?? We will also be taking a We-Vibe, magic wand, and butt plug to play with.
Any advice, tips, ideas for the beach and beyond would be fantastic! Sorry for the long winded post if you’re still reading
Sounds like you off to a great start and enjoying new experiences.
Enjoy the vacation. Try not to put too much pressure on having to try specific things or too much at all on one weekend. Enjoy the your time and experiences together.
Not my area of expertise I’m afraid as I’m absolutely useless in the Dom role but I had a quick search of the forum and these are the threads that came up for Dom Sub which might offer some additional inspiration.
Hi @Krystexxa Welcome to the forum! I’ve found the advice on here really helpful Glad you sound to be having fun and trying new things! Have fun at the beach
As one of the members on here who has enjoyed being on the sub side of chastity and pegging (another being @rockstar who is even more developed / mature on the sub chastity lifestyle), what he is likely wanting from you are things like tease and denial sessions or just outright orgasm denial.
Its important to understand what both of your roles will be in the dynamic and what he is wanting. It can develop into a full “Female Led Relationship” scenario, where he permanently assumes the submissive role and worships / serves you, or it could just be short term play, but whatever it looks like, its what you are both comfortable with and agreeable too.
Some things you can do -
Make him earn an orgasm, for this he has to do a task that you set. It could be as simple as a massage for you, or it could be more, like a ratio (5 orgasms for you = 1 for him etc).
Set a time period where he isn’t allowed to unlock, could be a few hours or a few days or longer (depending on his ability to wear the device “full time”). One of the most fun ones Mrs Sen and I did was drawing cards from a deck, where the number represented the number of weeks I was not allowed an orgasm, and only she knew the number (longest was 5 weeks BTW).
If he wants to engage in pegging, that will likely involve a strap on harness and dildo. When locked, I really enjoyed wearing the harness / dildo and having sex with Mrs Sen, its a real mind boggle doing the motions of sex but not actually using your own penis.
For the device itself, there are two key parts, the base ring and the cage. The base ring should be tight enough to stop him escaping, but not so tight as to cut circulation. Something like the CB6 range comes with a multitude of base rings to find the ones that fit whereas the metal ones (like the dominix cage) only come with a single ring. The cage part should be a similar length to him flaccid (slightly shorter is better) so that there is no room in the cage / tube part for an erection to form (its this part that often is too long, which allows erection to form, pulling down on the base ring and creating “ring burn” on the underside of his testicles, can be quite uncomfortable / painful.
Hygiene is also important, a fully enclosed tube/cage like the CB range will require regular removal for cleaning, whereas the metal / open bar style like the Dominix can be left on as you can much better clean them.
There is quite a thread, Chastity Play / Experiment chastity experiment I started when trying it out, there is lots in there to give you ideas.
For play at the beach, you could also engage in some Clothed Female Nude Male scenarios - make him nude except his cage in your hotel room the entire stay where he has to tend to your needs.
Public play challenge (depending on location and appropriateness) go to bar wearing a toy each (remote plug for him, remote egg for you), him still caged obviously and enjoy teasing each other.
Tie him to a chair or similar such restraint and give him a lap dance (him caged) where he can look but not touch you anywhere. Whether you are then comfortable to masturbate in front of him while he watches on in anguish, well, that depends on your level of intimacy etc
Your post sounds like you need to have a sit down somewhere (outside the bedroom) and openly discuss wants and desires. Does he know of your sexual history (13 years without much intimacy would make anyone second guess themselves)? Have you explained that you are open to trying things but need time to adjust based on your past? Has he gone into detail about what he wants (lead with something like “I am keen to explore this further, what does that look like to you”).
With a 6 month old (???) relationship, you are both still discovering each other, its a marathon not a sprint and putting in the ground work now with what may be uncomfortable / awkward discussions will reap benefits down the track.
Hi @Krystexxa welcome to the forum
Not my area of expertise I’m afraid in pegging and chastity play. And the Dom, I’m the submissive in our relationship.
But sounds like you’ve got some good advise here. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, enjoy your new experiences together, and take your time with it, don’t rush it.
I was wondering if you wonderful people could help me out with some ideas of how we could play at the beach?? We will also be taking a We-Vibe, magic wand, and butt plug to play with.
Glad you sound to be having fun and trying new things! Have fun at the beach 