Hii, we are both 25 newly weds… been into kink scene for 99% of our relationship… have spent 1000s of $ on toys, whips, restraints, medical toys etc but he never uses them 
I’m obs the sub but feel like I’m telling him what to use… I understand he may struggle to keep up since I like to FEEL it and what he’s doing if you know what I mean 
just very frustrating when I’m always ready to go but he’s every now and then to the point if we have sex he’s not interested for a few days 
not sure what to do at this point I’m going CRAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
I’m even trying to gain in anal play to try and entice him more but to no avail
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Have you asked him why he’s not as interested as you are?
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Have you spoken to him about it?
Maybe what he enjoys has changed and he doesn’t know how to talk about it or something could be on his mind that is distracting him. Communication is the most important activity that you can do together.
You say you’re obvs the sub, is he actually a dominant or has he been placed into that role because you’re submissive?
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I’ve said this on many threads, communication is key, we went through a rough patch and after sorting things out we talked about our sex life, and we were totally open about things we liked, didn’t like and what little secrets we didn’t tell each other, now our sex life is amazing
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Hi! Welcome to the forums.
Mis-matched sexual desires aren’t uncommon in relationships and sometimes they are temporary and other times they are permanent.
As others have said, the best thing do to is to have a conversation with your partner when you both have time to sit and chat and totally away from any bedroom activities. Also, try to stay as neutral, calm and rational as possible. A lot of people launch into saying “I need” “I want” “Everything must change” and it just adds pressure to their partner who will either shut down even further or they end up agreeing and the sex is crap because there isn’t actually any genuine consent or desire and then all intimacy will suffer.
Find out what they are into and see if you can fit that with what you like too. For example, you say you are a sub but it feels like you need to be the one guiding things so could you not twist that around? If he is a little unsure of what to do, could he not set you tasks to write a few sexy scenarios for him that he can then use verbatim or he could just use as inspiration. Or could he tell you to pick 6 toys to use during your next play.
If he want to play less than you, could you maybe find a way together to make the in between times be about denial/chastity/edging? I know people in long distance kink relationships who do things like directed self spanking. So maybe he could instruct you to make a short video of you self spanking a certain number of times, using specific toys that he could then watch he he is in the mood and can either reward you for a good job or punish you for a bad job (eg 5 spanks weren’t hard enough so he uses that toy 10 times on you to show you how’s it’s done).
Don’t try and make huge changes straight away though. Work out what is most important to you and start there (ie more sex or kinkier sex). Going from what you describe to hours of wild, kinky sex every day in a week isn’t realistic, so introduce things slowly and don’t be afraid to go back a little if something isn’t working. Keep communicating and be open with each other.
Good luck
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As others have said communication is so important. It may be medication, work, stress, etc. Ask and see what he says and try to compromise. Good luck.
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I know this feeling far too well.
Male with a high sex drive with a female that is definitely opposite.
Feel your pain.
Fingers crossed for you @BorderlineTink
Hopefully picks up for you and he decides what he wants
I hate being the initiator.
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Can you find some way to sexually engage your partner without pressure? Maybe he can’t live up to your expectations at this time and he finds it easier to just not try.
You could try being selfless for several sessions—offer him a sensual massage with no expectations of penetrative sex. Give him risk-free rewards and make your partner WANT to be with you.
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Hey welcome to the forum and from sounds of it he might have a lower sex drive than yours maybe?
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Maybe play a game where you both write your fantasies (1-10 or how ever many) then go through them together.
There is actually something online where it’s asks you both like 30 scenario questions, you both answer then it only reveals the ones you matched on. A good way to get you both thinking and in the mood 
I can’t remember what it is called but maybe search couples sex quiz or something similar.
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Think the main thing here has already been suggested a good few times, which is good old fashioned communication. As @Calie mentioned, away from the bedroom, and I would suggest making it a conversation more around his needs and desires.
You mentioned about anal play, and that isn’t enticing him. Is that based on him saying he’d like anal play more? Or more that you think it’ll entice him?
Are you both choosing the toys to buy? Or are you choosing and him going along with it?
You mentioned you’re the sub, yet he is never using the toys and telling him what to do.
That to me sounds like someone that might not be naturally dom minded, but maybe trying to fill the part to meet your sub needs. If this is the case, then maybe need to switch things up a bit so he feels his needs are also being met, and that he doesn’t have to be dominant all the time.
So yeah, I would suggest a few good talks, and to begin with ask him what his needs and desires are, does he have fantasies he’d like to fulfil etc.,
If he brings up different stuff, then gives plenty of space for both to compromise and get needs met. If he brings up similar stuff to what you’re already doing, it gives you the space to let him know you’d like him to really take control etc.,
As mentioned by others, trying to keep in neutral and not putting pressure on each other can be difficult, and might take a good few conversations - from what you have posted it may take him a little while to talk about his needs.
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